8yr son - problems in school and at home

[ds05]

Hello,

My 8yr old son is a sweet, compassionate, and a goodhearted child. However, we’ve had nothing but problems with him from the start of his school years. For every bit of sweet he is, he’s also lazy and apathetic. To understand his personality you have to understand his upbringing. My wife and I had him at the young age of 17 (an accident obviously). We had nothing, no house, no money, and no idea how to care for and love a child. It certainly wasn’t an ideal environment. Plus, emotionally we simply were not mature enough to value our son and love him whole heatedly. That’s not to say we didn’t love him, we loved him very much and try to give him everything but he was always that mistake.

Fast forward to the present; the school constantly calls us reporting our son’s odd behavior. He’s lying, not listening, and not trying. We’ve taken him to the doc and the physiologist. They recognize a certain amount of immaturity but we’re not given any solid answers. At school the teachers tell us that when doing work he’ll just put answers on the paper without even looking – because he doesn’t care. When he does care or is compelled to care, he does great. At home he doesn’t listen well and acts very immature. He’s constantly whining and paints himself the victim of every situation imaginable.

I’m looking for ideas on what to do. The more we take things away or punish him the more jaded he becomes. Unlike with most kids, taking stuff away doesn’t motivate him to get it back – he just becomes cynical.

We’re all worn-out and we need a fresh perspective.

Thank you.

[cchrDOTorg]

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[margypops]

What is it you are worn out with ? his laziness, a lot of children dont listen it seems a fairly normal behavior,what does he lie about, it is also normal to tell a lie to protect your self from getting in trouble and punished ,so what are the lies he tells,What are the behaviors that you take his things away for,as you say he becomes more jaded so thats not working and if you do that a lot to him he will come not to care.. Perhaps a better idea would be to focus on his positive side and praise him when you see him doing something righht ,it may be you are too hard on him, relax and have some fun with him, do you play ball Games soccer or basket ball is there fun in his life.