My 7 yr old is out of controll

[feelinghelpless3803]

my son has adhd along with an anger problem he refuses to follow simple directions and is very openly defiant of both me and his father we live in the same home with my in laws and he does not listen to them either he lies about evrything even silly things like what he ate on any given day even when he is caught doing something wrong he will still lie about it even though he has already been caught he recently got caught stealing money out of his grandfathers wallet he knowingly tries to annoy others around him and seems to think it is funny he throws a fit when ever he is asked to do the smallest thing like get dressed or to pick up his toys when he is angry he not only is mean to people around him (ex. he will make faces at his papal ,has pured salt in his bed, will purpously waste or break his things) but he is also cruel to animals(ex. I have a cat that has been in our family since birth (2 yrs) he is a part of the family and despite my sons actions toward him loves him dearly he has tried to set him on fire and tried to hang him from the blind cords , pins him down he has terrarized my neighbors pet rabbit by spraying water in its hutch and setting off firecrackers witch he stole out of his dads things inside the rabbits cage) i know this is not normal behavior and what bothers me the most is no matter what the conscequences are he doea not seem to care it is almost like he enjoys being in trouble i have tried talking to him and explaing what he did wrong and why he should not do that i have tried time out grounding him from various things that he enjoys taking every thing away from him i have even tried spanking him nothing seems to work it is not only putting a strain on our mother son relationship but it is also putting a strain on my marraige due to the constant high stress level in my home i can not get a babysitter because no one wants to deal with him and that makes it difficult for me to work in fact i can not work because i have no where for him to go while i do so .................what should i do and wher can i go for help ?????????????     he is already on 2 different meds and they are no longer having very much effect on him and others i have tried did nothing at all i am feeling helpless to help my child and honestly for me that is the worst feeling in the world i know that even though it is hard on me and others household members it has to be even harder for him to be dealing with intense emotions i justy wish i knew how to help him

[therese83]

I am very liberal, realxed i am not a 'hitler' mother LOL
BUT
Be firm.  Say 'no' rarely but when you do really mean it,  NEVER go back on a 'no'.Give consequences for misbehaviour.  You have to stand up to him.  When he is older he will say "why did you let me do that" Get energy wherever you can be good to yourself.
My ADHD son is 18.  I stand up to him, he is 6ft 4, his Dad walked out.  I remain calm but i mean it.  He gets the message, he really does, eventually, he has hit me lightly, he has broken things, but he gets better and better.  I wont give him money unless he does Garden work, for 3 days i tied my purse to myself, after 3 days he said "I am ready to do some work now".  Eery day I give him a fresh chance, i say "good morning"

NEVER get excited angry 'animated' about his behaviour, they love that !  Excitement !  Remain completely calm and neutral.  They will push and push for reaction, it makes them feel ALIVE !

My Mom said when he was 2, if you dont stop him now, you will have to one day, she was right!
The Dad's often walk out, but a mothers love often gets them through !  Be strong !

[bracelets2907]

this sounds like my son  sounds more like odd and conduct disorder???

[Sandman2]

  Hey all, just found a great site with lots of good parenting help for ADHD kids.  Go to:
         http://helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_parenting_strategies.htm

[tinkerbel14]

Hi, i have just read your message, and i have a son who is 5 1/2. He has always been very active and i have never been able to keep him occupied as with the animals i have a dog and cat and he loves them but seems to be very rough with them, also have the anger issues and lies. He is very big for hes age and in hes recent report it says he knows a lot about a lot of things for hes age. Although my family are very interested in learning and watching a lot of documentries he remembers things from them but also anything unsavioury that gets said he picks up straight away and seems to no how to put things together to hurt peoples feelings. I was told he would prob calm down once at full time school but over a year on and hes got more enerngy that before, we are also lucky if he goes to sleep before 1am. I just wondered if you think he may also have ADHA and what the next steps are in getting a diagnoses. As far as we no hes good at school althought very active. My nephew whom is older now has ADHA as well and i do see lots off similarities. I will also get the book that has been recommended. Hope you get help soon your doing your best and i no how hard it is. xx

[Sandman2]

   I am glad you found the post by Koalaa and realized that you are not the only one going through this.  The ideas I gave to Koalaa will also help you - especially the book I recommended.
  Few other thoughts.  First check out this post/site
http://stackjourney.blogspot.com/2010/01/giving-intuniv-in-two-daily-doses.html
   It is about the use of intuniv and also the problems of bipolar.  I think you will find it very helpful.
  Second, you said the meds are no longer having much of an effect on him.  That is very important to tell your doctor.  Communication with a doctor is extremely important till doses stabilize.  But as the child grows or becomes used to the dose, changes have to be made.  Also I wonder what kind of Doctor you are seeing?  Frankly, I feel that if you are seeing a good psychiatrist, you shouldn't be having these feelings of helplessness because the psyc would be giving you the tools to help your son and your self.  A lot of what your son is doing is kind of standard (severe) ADHD behaviors.  That's one reason I recommended the book.  It will help there several ways.
   I also want to add a quick note on the lying.  Kids with ADHD (when they are younger) really don't have very good filters.  Hence they do things impulsively.  It really doesn't take them very long (if they are intelligent) to figure out, that they are always getting blamed (probably correctly) by everyone and out of sheer survival instincts they lie.  It happens all the time.  Its not because of what you have done.  Its because of what they have been experiencing for most of their life. Also sometimes, they do things so quickly (no filters) that they aren't really aware they even did it.   So don't feel bad about the lies! Ignore it and only deal with the physical actions that you want changed.
  The reason to be seeing a good psyc is so that you can be employing the behavioral modifications that will work with a kid with ADHD.  As you have found out, traditional punishments (even if done correctly) either won't work - or take a lot longer to work.
  There really is a lot you can do, but you have to understand what is going on with your child.  The book or a really good psyc will help.  I also think his meds may need to be reevaluated, and do check out the link I gave you.   Good Luck!

[jack492]

well my name is jackie and i have adhd and depression and anxiety its reallyhard to deal with kids who are like us but as parents we have to still care for our children if if it feels like nuting is helping in the outcome my parents are the same way .