My youngest son is now 9 years old but, when he was you grandsons age i started to notice some of the same things and heard the same complaints. Turned out he had ADD?ADHD combined! I had no idea this was possible. We kept an eye on it till he was almost 6 yrs old. It really started effecting his school time, homework, making friends and staying out of trouble! I felt so bad but, really they don't want to put them on med's to early. Try talking to his doctor about counseling first. Hope this helps. I wish the best for you and your family and even more i hope i am wrong!! Best wishes and i am here if you want to talk!! -Mary B.
at 10 i was put on Ritalin for the ADD/ADHD combo. since, i am a very brilliant man who simply cannot do long division or multiplication without meds. medication is usually a crutch now. Doctors give it out like candy. some kids REALLY need it... but what i see here is a young child who is getting his kicks playing God. He has found his outlet for getting attention... limitless attention... and that is exactly what all kids want. more than they want toys, TV, or Games.... children want attention. so by punishing him at home, whilst he is smiling at his punishment at school, your daughter is only feeding the problem. it will persist until you medicate him and very possibly impair him for life.... or you give him an outlet and POSITIVE AFFIRMATION. negative reinforcement, ie punishment, is all he has been given and he is becoming not only desensitized to it, but fueled by it. now, active, attention starved children generally have an amount of creativity that they need to let out... try music. find what he is interested in. get him a little guitar or a microphone... it is a hard one to deal with, but ALL little boys love hitting things... drums will help a ton. while he wears them out, they will wear him out. i know, i am a drummer. if he learns now to channel his creativity and energy now, he can accomplish things that you will not believe until you see them later. I hope to God he IS ADD/ADHD.... because it is a gift. regardless of how difficult it may be raising him, or what world weary parents may think or say... all ADD/ADHD means is that a person's brain functions at such a high rate that they cannot process the information that they take in as fast as they take it in. these kids are the most intelligent, most creative, and most individual you will ever find. if you mask it with meds, it becomes a disability... if you embrace it and learn to cope with it... it becomes a special ability :) give him something to focus his energy on, let him show you how well he does it, and praise him for it. he will begin craving that positive attention the way he craves the negative attention now.
First and foremost - at this age there is nothing that you can do to punish him for what he does at school ...because it won't work. Maybe when he is 10, certainly not 5. At this age any behavioral change modification must be immediate and consistent! To do something to him for something he did hours earlier is a waste of time because he does not have the capability to link these things together. Its up to the teacher to deal with these activities at school.
What you can do at home is to work on behaviors that will carry over to school. There are several great series of books that are meant to be read to 4 to 7 year olds. One example is here and you will find more listed below on this site. Here are two sample choices"
Also, I would also visit the school (without him knowing that she is going to) to see for her self what is going on. There seems to be some kind of a disconnect. If he is good at home and good at preschool - now he is being bad? Is the school, a public or private or religious school?