Hi there. First, let me give you something else to google for your information and it is sensory processing disorder. If you google that, you'll see web sites that describe it and spd is a good one. It is also called sensory integration disorder and it looks VERY much like adhd. Both involve the nervous system. My son has sensory integration disorder.
MUCH of what you describe is a LOT like my son. a LOT. We had him evaluated by an occupational therapist that specializes in sensory and he does occupational therapy for it. Kids LOVE therapy because it provides the input into the nervous system that they are trying to get in other ways. A kid that crashes is looking for impact, for example. They have safe ways to give a child this input, the nervous system gets 'fed' and the child feels better and thier nervous system is better regulated. They then are calmer after these activities. The more you do, the more lasting the effect.
so, even if mom isn't interested in looking at issues with her child, YOU can give him outlets for his energy----- disorder or not, this may really benefit him. Take him swimming (we do an indoor in the winter) which is the perfect calming exercise for the nervous system. If he loves sports, go kick soccer balls with him, ride bikes, jump on a trampoline (or mattress on the floor), run races, go to a park and have him climb the structures, skip, roll down a hill and run back up, swing, run up the slides (when no one is around), etc Lots of this kind of stuff may be very calming. Ask him to 'help' you and carry something somewhat heavy or push it across the floor. If you can get him to do a push up, awesome. Hanging from monkey bars or zip lines is good. Play a game in which you have a big ball (we use an exercise ball) that you hold in front of you and then he pushes against that ball. This gives the nervous system a lot of calming inpact.
Motor planning can be part of why he doesn't do imaginative play and have issues with following multi step directions. Occupational therapists help with this.
That is a difficult situation to be the boyfriend to someone that doesn't want to look at issus with their child. I know it isn't easy to admit that something isn't quite right---- been there. You are very right that being as he is at school will take its toll socially. Soon enough he will enter kindergarten. Mom may HAVE to address things at that point if they see issues as well. You just be supportive then. But what if she decides never to look honestly at her child? Could you live like that---- it would be hard for me.
But for now, try to help him as best you can. Google sensory and see what you think and get back to us as well.
Very good points by specialmom - and the physical activity will definitely help! It certainly is worth your time to check out SIDS. You also asked about ADHD and here is a pretty good site (with symptoms) for that.
Both this site and the one mentioned by specialmom have lists that can be printed out. Perhaps if you fiance looked at these it would be helpful?
I should also add that a least part of what he is doing is kind of normal for 5 year old boys. They really can be quite active and definitely are not great communicators. What his preschool teachers have to say would be important. They should have seen enough kids to know if he might have a problem. So definitely talk with them.
You also mentioned hitting, etc. Kids really do need to be taught how to handle their anger (adults sometimes too). There is a great set of books meant to be read to 4-7 year olds. You might want to start with "Hands are not for hitting" - found here, http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-Behavior/dp/1575420775
And if you scroll down to the bottom of the link, you will find other helpful books. Besides making it a special time to read to him - these books will also give a common vocabulary that you both can use.
Oh, if you move to page 5 on the link I gave you or use this - http://www.rxlist.com/attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder_adhd/page5.htm#tocn You will find some very good activities for working with a child with ADHD. I'm pretty sure they will also work with a child with SIDS.
Hope this helps. Definitely post again if you have any questions or need more information.
Thank you for the responses. I looked at the SPD (SID) website and many of the things on there sound familiar to what we experience with him. I will keep looking and learning and post any questions I may have. I really appreciate the help!
Well, let me know if there are any questions you have about sensory or if you need any ideas of things to try. I'm here any time you need help . .. I'll try my best to provide what I can.
I have a 5 year old that would have been diagnosed ADHD at 4. My husband and I believed it has always been a sleep issue instead of neurological. We discovered she had sleep apnea and had her tonsils and adenoids removed and then we made sure she was in bed at 7 pm and asleep by 8 pm. Prior, we used to leave a light on in her room, so she was not getting adequate sleep. Now we turn off the lamp after she goes to sleep and we make sure her room is totally dark.
A year later, she is perfectly normal without any signs of ADHD. I would venture to say that some children that are diagnosed just aren't getting good rest for one reason or another. Start there first!
Unfortunately that probably isn't the case in this instance. He gets at least 10 hours of solid sleep a night (six out of seven nights). But I do think that is good info to have. Thank you!