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Tramadol Withdrawal.... HELP!

I need help, plain and simple... I have been abusing tramadol for almost 4 years now. I have been taking 15-20 pills a day for the last year or two. I don't know what it was the other night but I decided that enough is enough! I am going to beat this. Well I took my last pill at 1 am on the morning of December 31st. I got through the first 19 hours before I finally gave into the temptation of taking some more. Given my dependance on the drug for almost 4 years now, i am afraid I am not going to be able to quit cold turkey and will need to taper down. Long story short, I ended up taking 12 pills yesterday simply so I could get some sleep. On top of that, last night was new years eve and I sat in my apartment alone, which added to the depression. While it was much less than my typical 16 or so a day it still was not 0. I already feel like a failure after only one day.

I know this will take time and patience, I just need hope. the worst part of this whole thing is the depression and anxiety. I have a wonderful family who means the world to me. My dad is one of the greatest men I know and my mom is the most caring sympathetic woman I have ever met. I could not ask for more. That is what makes this so much more worse. I feel like the worst person in the world because they do not deserve this. They are tremendous people who have always provided and cared for me in any way imaginable. I feel like I can not do this without them but I know that it is not fair to come to them with this. They do not deserve this pain and worry. It would crush their world and i can't do that to them. This is the main source of my depression and anxiety right now. When you put work on top of that, it spirals out of control. I am going to beat this. I am going to have to taper down and I know it will not be easy but I am going to do this. i need hope and advice. What can I do for the anxiety and depression? What makes this easier to cope with? Please help!!
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