ticked off 5yr old

[kk022575]

my 5 year old daughter is having huge fits with a lot of anger. Clinching fist, screaming, throwing things. She has lots of toys, lots of love, she is perfectly healthy. These fits start when she gets upset about something and then escalates.

[Sandman2]

   Excellent ideas by specialmom.  The type of books she is talking about can also be found here.  A good starting one would be , "Cool down and work through anger"  - http://www.amazon.com/Cool-Through-Anger-Learning-Along/dp/1575423464/ref=pd_sim_b_5
   When she blows up - how long do the meltdowns last?  And if she gets her way, does she instantly stop?

[specialmom]

Well, for some kids--- handling anger, frustration and sadness does not come naturally.  for kids like this, it helps to teach them how to handle things better.  I would go to the library and check out books on emotions written for kids.  There are lots of them and they put what a child is feeling into words they can understand and use themselves to express themselves.  Really good to read and talk about emotions and then as you SEE her getting upset, talk about the feelings she is having at that time.  "Oh, you look mad.  Why are you mad?"  

I would definately look for triggers that send her into tantrums and look for a pattern.  You can either fix the problem ahead of time, head it off at the pass or  help her learn to adjust to things that can't be changed.  Keep a little log on what happens before a tantrum and then what you think set it off.  Sometimes something unrelated can begin things by creating an 'edgy' mood with a child and then something sets them off for the meltdown ----  but you need to know the thing that made her edgy and then ripe for the meltdown.  Does that make sense?

YOu then talk to her about what she can do when upset----  give her a list and act them all out.  Deep breathing, going to a quiet place where no one bothers her (an enclosed space like a pop up tent, under a table, or in a corner with pillows is great), she can open and close her fists tightly, she can use her words/ask for help, or she can use helping hands (have her use finger paint and make her hand prints on a big piece of paper---  hang on wall.  When she is upset, she goes to the 'helping hands' and pushes against them.  This is a nervous system release and can be calming.)  You also talk to her about what she can not do (hit, scream, roll on floor)---  if she feels she can't stop herself, she has to go to her room to do it.  

Have some things on hand when she gets to this point--  a thick piece of chewing gum is actually very calming, a pillow to punch, a tight hug from you to her as that deep pressure is also calming.

good luck