Help my 7 year old

[mindersmomof2]

Hi, I've wrote for advice many times and here I am again. First off, has anyone heard of a Bi-ploar child that is very good at school but very naughty at home? This is what is confusing me the most right now! My daughter is 7 years old. We have tried so many medications on her. She is currently on strattara and rispoldole. She has been out of control since being on rispodole. She was on abilify but we increased the dose 3 times and it still didn't re-control her symptoms. She has been on stimulants which made her get so aggressive and out of control. She is acting like she is on stimulants right now, which is wierd. We loved the abilify at first but it only lasted a few months than we had to keep changing the dose! She has been on daytrona, focolin, adderal, clonadine, concerta, rispoldole before, and abilify.

I just can't believe that this has been going on since she was a baby, we always knew she was differant. How long does it take to finally find a good combination of medacine. she  has a wonderfull phsyciatrist. But she is not combining anti physciatic and mood stablizers for us. She thinks she is too young for those meds. My daughter has been hospitalized 3 times for this and diffiantly should be right now but I just can't do it to her!!  My daughter is in theropy but her theropist has not gotten anywhere with her. She is very knowlagable but doesnt know what to do with her anymore. Which I think is pathetic!!! She wants us to go to a new person who is trained for attachment disorder. I heard this and cried thinking they think my daughter has that but they said they don't think she has an attachment issue but the therepy for it will help her. It's called regulation therepy. It's to help the child center themself and calm down on there own. I don't know but it's worth a shot.

We go to a doctor on Wed to see if she has a sensory issue too. Poor baby has been tested for so many things to rule out any other problems that could cause behavioral problems!! She has alot of anger. We tell her no and she says "UHHHH" and screams, than stomps upstairs than slams her door than screams mean things like "I hate you!", "I just want to hurt you!!" It takes her a while to settle down. Another thing we are dealing with is that she wakes up at 3-4 am everyday!!! She wakes her 4 year old sister up and turns every light in the house on. She takes a bath sometimes too! It scares me because who knows what can happen. Than her sister doesn't get much sleep either so were all a mess. She tells me alot that her head tells her to be mean and hurt people and she can't stop. The lack of sleep has been going on for about 6 months. After her fits she gets very emotional, cries alot!! She tells us we don't ever do anything for her, she doesn't get to do anything fun, we all hate her, we want her to go to a new home, oh It's exausting!!

We live in Sioux Falls, South Dakota so not much help over here. I'm also trying to find some kind of camp to get her in for the long dreadfull summer months!! I am happily married for 9 years, we have a good happy home, but things have been so bad lately you could cut the tension with a knife!! Please help us!!  

[therese83]

Hi

I am sorry she was crying so long.  I am not saying parenting made this happen.  
I also have 3 very 'together' children , but i needed to learn skills to deal with my son.  I am also a teacher, can manage 25 teenagers, but I did learn techniques that work from a child behabiour expert.
When my son went to a psychologist for social skills training.  She said that through her tests she could tell that his problems were very central to the family dynamic.  Too right they were!!  He messed up the whole family.  We had to change this.

He is doing as well as the other 3 now.  Some children are more challenging/difficult and it takes expert insight.

[mindersmomof2]

Oh and forgot, my 4 year old dd is a excelant little girl! She has no anger issues, no deffiance, amazing little thing. In fact she lectures my 7 year old about the correct way we should be acting!!! It's cute!!! Thats where I know me and my husbands parenting has not made this problem happen.

[mindersmomof2]

Thank you for your help! I have tried the holding her thing and it has lasted 3 hours, by that time I couldn't help but be in tears! I have been recieving help with her since she was 3. No meds until 5. I have many books on parenting and have tried many many charts, time outs, ignoring the behaviors. We have been through a lot with this child, our whole family. My mom used to babysit her and my mom is the calmest person, can handle a lot and my daughter almost crought her down mentally so she stopped babysitting her. One day they were coloring and out of the blue, dd said "I could really hurt you with this pencil, I could stab you with it"  She has hurt her little sister many times, made her bleed, bruises all over her face, hospitalized for it, just because she took a toy away from her and it made her mad, another time because she wanted to change her diaper and she wouldn't hold still.

[margypops]

Therese is right it does sound as if you should ask your Doctor about the Meds you have your Doctor on, google the effects that Rispoldol can have on a child, also go to Breggin.com for more information regarding these side effects, Not easy is it trying to figure out what is best for your child,Good Luck

[therese83]

That is an awful list of medication.  If she behaves in school then she can behave and there is something not working right at home. Medication is not the answer for her.

Now I am not criticising you , I had to do all this for my son.  He is 17 now, doesnt take medication and is a top student in school now. Age 10 he was suspended 17 times in one year and banned from call parties and camp.
You have to go to a child behaviour expert and get yourself trained in parenting this little girl.

It works, you cannot change her you can only change how you respod to her and by your action you mey be enforcing negative behaviour.
Like her problem seems to be the 'central thing' in the family.  this is very unfair to a child and it is disfunctional , in that a child should not feel this.  My son was the same I am telling you.  It takes a long time, but there are some quick things you can do, tricks you can learn.  Eventually they come to understand themselves and moderate themselves.

for the moment focus on the positive with her and notice her in positive ways. I would say she is bright and 'highly sensitive' and it is a visous circle, she feels the tension for sure.

Why not try that regulation therapy? it is worth a try.

I used a 'holding technique" I read "transforming the difficult child the nurtured heart approach by howard glasser"  When my kid flipped I sat behind + hel him firm, staying completely calm.  till he stopped, without hurting. But they will scream that you are hurting them , but do not let go 'till they stop.  then they will walk 2 steps and scream again.  Grab them again and repeat. Do it every time, do it in the shopping centre.  It works.  the minute they stop you go back to being 100% positive no lecture no after thought.  today why dont you sit her down and explain to her that this is what you will do next time she flipps.

I hope you dont think i am a nutter, I am just passing on some things that work!

I wish you good luck.  She will shine yet wait and see.  Take a break take time for yourself, go to the movies, take off the focus.