Husband says he'll leave?

[IrmaJean45]

Hi, recently I got married and on our honeymoon he informed me that if I go to the bathroom  (pee or poop) or pass gas in our new house he will leave me as that is not acceptable to him. He says 7 Eleven in down the street.  Im so shocked because he never brought this up before we were married...we didn't live together. I honestly don't know what to do as we don't believe in divorce or annulment and he says it's normal for this situation to occur and he said just nobody talks about it.

[Ajh22]

Why would you think that he loves you asking such an insane thing of you? Oh and for his mom she knows exactly what her son is all about sick!!! Run do not walk Run from both these horrible sick I can't even call them people I don't know what to call them but I do know if you don't leave in a big hurry n never look back your life will be ruined forever. Oh and btw he was looking for the worst way that he could think of to disrespect you and treduce you as a human being you know like a dog that has to go outside to relieve himself. If u accept that kind of horrific treatment then you are accepting to wear the leash also  cause after all you would be enabling him to treat you like an animal. I can't help thinking that if you didn't run as soon as he gave you those orders where have you been doing your business??

[Doug_in_the_box]

First off...im a guy, and I want you to know that what your husband said SCARES me!  As another responder said, it's a statement that I will remember the rest of my life. I'm glad you are getting out!  If he REALLY cared about you, he would treat you as the wonderful woman you are!  He would cherish you!  AND SOMEONE WHO LOVES AND CHERISHES THEIR WIFE DORS NOT MAKE DEMANDS LIKE THAT!  Every husband and wife has the right to have reasonable expectations of eachother, such as fidelity, putting each other first, putting family first, who's going to work or stay home with children if you can afford to live on one income, etc.  He already told you he would leave you, so he obviously does not care much about you!   BUT THIS MAN IS NOT NORMAL!  THATS NOT A QUIRK!   THAT IS A MENTAL DISEASE!  ONE HE MOST LIKELY KNEW HE HAD AND HE HID IT FROM YOU!  That means he manipulated you! He will not change, and would manipuIate you again!  
I myself  have issues, and it's called Adult ADD, and mild Tourette's.   I know what they are, and so does my wife.  She loves me and tolerates, and sometimes tries to "fix" me lol, but what she honestly does, is she borrows books from the library, and subscribes to articles online for spouses living with someone with a particular disorder, to help her understand what I'm going thru, and what to expect out of me.
  DO NOT get scared or feel sorry for him...you don't want to end up stuck with someone like that.
Next time, Look for someone with higher aspirations and goals, that's not miserable working in a job they hate.  If you are religious and attend church regularly, which it sounds like you do, look for someone that's into religion as much as you are.  I too married young and too soon the first time, and I believe it was probably more the excitement of a new life outside of my parents house and rules.    Get your own apartment and live on your own, or with some girlfriends, go to school, enjoy being young and single...or...live at home with your parents for a while, save money,  enjoy this time with them, it's a different relationship now, because you've been out there already.   Don't rush into ANYTHING!     When you do meet someone, as you form a relationship with them, you'll start to know if he's the right one... when you think about him and he thinks about you when your not together, and when he puts you first, and you him...when you want to live for the other person, and they you...when you just want to make each other happy, and see them laugh or smile.  When he's TRULY interested in how your day was, and you are TRULY interested in how his was, no matter how boring it may have been, and your just hoping he had an exciting work day...and he you.  When no matter how bad the fight is, and no matter how hard you slam the door, and how far away you drive in the heat of the argument, and even though you are soooo mad, you still want to drive back or at least call to make sure he's okay...and he you!  Together is good, sometimes space is good, but when you truly love someone, you still think about them and wonder how much they're hurting, even if they are to blame.   That's LOVE!  It will come, whether it's the guy you never expected at church or work, or the 30 th guy you try on a dating website, if your open to giving people a chance, and don't be afraid of getting hurt again, but don't  let yourself either...no-one owns you! Anyways, this rambling crazy guy with issues that you don't know, that's giving you all this crazy advice, wishes you all the best.    And I leave you with a suggestion.    Be accountable to someone!  Whether it's you pArents, friend, whoever.   Tell them you are doing this! That you are getting an annulment, and moving out.  Then tell them you'll give them daily updates, and do it.  It will help keep you on track, so you don't backslide and end up staying married to him.    I wish you the best of luck!    

[ninick]

doug, THAT was amazing! really good advice, and I cried a little reading your post. So thoughtful! thank u for this. What you've said is so true for all of us.

Wish u all the very best in life!

[Nighthawk61]

Doug, you're a keeper. Nice hearing your point of view. I think a male perspective is very important on Medhelp, so thanks for giving yours. All the best to you brother!!!

[Dawndjs]

Wow Doug, that was pretty amazing. Your comment is right on and heartfelt. I shed a few tears reading your post. Best to you and your wife.

[RockRose]

Sorry,  it occurred to me that you meant to type "silly quirk".  

Well, how about you tell your husband's mother to use the bathroom somewhere outside her own house for a week and then decide how "silly" this quirk is.  

[IrmaJean45]

Thank you for your advice.  I talked to my pastors wife on the phone and they will help me with getting an annulment and go about getting my old apartment back. I talked to my husband about what would happen if I were to fall pregnant and he said that wasn't in the cards as babies are too messy and he deals with messes at the retirement home all day. That was a final straw for me, I realize I was too eager to marry and married the first man I dated. I hope I find sombody in the future who is good to me. My pastor said he's not the same as when we did counseling.  Thank you

[ninick]

IrmaJean45....I'm SO glad you've stopped making excuses to justify his bizarre behaviour. I do hope you go ahead with the annulment/divorce. He needs help, which him and his mother should seek. it's also commendable that you're being honest to yourself about this and taking steps to fix it...for your own self!

I now really really hope u stick with your excellent decision and don't fall for any "justifications" for this bizarre, unacceptable behaviour. U deserve to be with someone who has no restrictions on u or ur life. all the best!

[laurirenee]

Good for you, IrmaJean. By getting out of that bizarre, dysfunctional relationship early, you are saving yourself from years of misery. What he has exposed to you so far is only the tip of the iceberg.

[Nighthawk61]

Please stay tough and stay out of this sick person's path. You truly are saving yourself from a life of hell if you were to even consider his wishes. How could you ever trust anything he is thinking? I agree with the poster who said that he will treat his women as one would a dog. Disgraceful behavior and a very sick mind. Take you time, learn from this. As another poster said, find out all the answers before moving forward with anyone. Think of how you want yoru life to look like, and run it by the person you are considering as a mate. Think about how you want to raise your children, how many children, their schooling, their hobbies, do you want them to take ballet and soccer, and arts courses.? make sure they're the guy that will pick up the slack and do the good dad role, driving the kids to their after school activities etc. Do you want to upgrade your education, so that you will have your own security. Make sure your partner will be happy to help you do that. If they're hesitant about that, they may be control freaks. and have no faith that a women can enjoy a career and still be a good wife, and mother. I'm not suggesting working full time, but to love going to work is a beautiful thing. Think about and get a list of things that you want to make happen in a marriage. And make it happen. You can do it. Your kids will thank you for being a strong independent happy with their job and life mommy.

You have another chance to be happy. You're not missing anything by leaving this guy. He's not a keeper. Sorry you have to feel the pain of separation, but the fact is that you didn't do enough homework. Forgive yourself that. Everybody makes mistakes. Don't allow yourself be be stigmatized because your marriage has been annulled, or you are divorced. What does it matter when you finally find the man of your dreams. But first, you have to know what your dream man is. Make your lists, and find a guy that makes the simplest things fun. Like enjoying being a women, messy or not. It's deplorable, what he's expecting, like in the old days when a women on her menstrual cycle was considered dirty. How awful. Women  bleed yes, they also hold the key to carrying a child. Yes, messy. So what , when you think of what that "mess" creates. LIFE. This guy is dead inside. Good choice to have reached out for help. Your are truly in my thoughts and prayers. May the wind always be at your back, but if it isn't you'll want your partner to be able to help you stand the winds of time and  change.
God bless you and your real partner finding each other. It will happen. Have faith and patience. He's looking for you right now. You've made the right choice to be free, so you and he can find each other. You've spent a lifetime waiting, you can have the patience to hold out for YOUR mr. right. xo

[RockRose]

And I have to say,  if my fiance said I'm not allowed to do his laundry when we got married,  I'd have SERIOUS reservations about that man.  Sweety,  you've married a man who is mentally ill.  And somehow,  you missed it for the year you were dating.  

[RockRose]

IrmaJean,  it's time to leave.  Before you get too entrenched.  I strongly sense you won't do that,  and you're just trying to make this work out,  despite this man's disabling beliefs.

I don't now what a "dilly quirk" is, that his mom states he has.  His mom is completely enabling him,  and he's a loser of a husband.  

But again,  I strongly sense you won't take the advise you're given here,  and leave his crazy guy.  God only knows how he will react when you are pregnant and have those issues to deal with.  

[RockRose]

And I do have to ask - how long did you date?  Did you ever meet any of his friends or family?

[IrmaJean45]

HIs mom told me it's just a dilly quirk of his and all wives have to accept quirks. He has no friends only one guy who is a resident at the retirement home he manages.

[IrmaJean45]

We dated for 1 year but he seemed more normal.  He said I'm not allowed to do his laundry when we get married but that's the only weird thing he said.

[care22039457]

This is not a "quirk".  He has a serious mental issue.  It's absolutely inhumane to not allow someone to use the bathroom in a place they are living.  I have a feeling any future requests will be just as strange or worse.  Please get out now before it becomes too difficult to extricate yourself from this situation.