emotional abuse by mother

[itsasizar]

Hi, my mother is excessively verbally abusive, I´ve a Masters in Psychology and I can´t do anything to stop her, the only thing that works in distance as I live in a different country but the minute I see her in 5 minutes she´s able to make me feel very unhappy as her insults and abusive behaviour are horrendous. 2 years ago I decided to cut all contact with her but I was unable to do so. I´m thinking in doing this again. I´m 32 years old and I don´t think I deserve to be treated like this, I don´t consider her my mother, to me, she´s a monster. What can I do with her?

[SoulSeven]

I am so glad I found this forum. Just like the post from Key27, I too have just realized only recently that I have been emotionally abused by my mother.

All throughout my life I have constantly been feeling guilty,  low self-esteem, self-doubt, extremely self-conscious and I never understood why. Now that I am older, I put the pieces together and see that I was experiencing emotional abuse - not in a threatening sort of way - but in a very deep wounding way that has affected my psyche.

I realized that I never felt as ease with my mother. Everytime I'm with her I'm sort of just waiting for her to say something negative about me e.g. you're always this, you're never that, etc, etc. When I'm with her, I sort of brace myself for her to say things like this, and I learned to just put on a deaf ear until I can't take it anymore and I will explode. Because it hurts too much. I don't remember her saying positive things about me at all. Everytime I try to discuss something with her, she will cut me off and she constantly yells at me from something so minor e.g. not closing the gate properly, not wiping the table, etc.

All this have happened since I was really young. As a child, I remember asking questions and trying to say something and she would cut me off, saying I shouldn't be asking this and that. She would also yell at me in public as a child, and the memories are still fresh in my mind. Now I feel like as an adult, I have trouble expressing myself and I am not able to articulate things or ideas in my mind, and I have a strong feeling that it is due to my childhood experiences.

I admit that I am envious when I see my friends with their mothers where they can laugh and joke and share everything. I feel extremely sad as I think about this. I yearn for a loving, affectionate mother.

Sometimes I have bouts of rage and I realize that I have a lot of anger in me. I wish I could see a therapist to find out further but I haven't the financial means yet. I hope I can someday. In the meantime, I think it helps to talk to people such as in this forum, who have had similar experience of emotional abuse.

[margypops]

Old thread being dragged up again ..I recognise the pattern of comunication,

[Key27]

Hi,

last summer i posted a thread about a verbally abusive mother.  My mother can be harsh to me so i know exactly what you are talking about.  However, my mom is helpful to me in other ways,  Sometimes i thinks it is me and my attitude and not her. My older sister get along with her well...she is easy going.  but it has gotten so bad between my mother and i that I can't even ask her opinion about an outfit that I may be wearing.  

When I go through relationship problems, she kind downgrades me and argues with me about it.  It has gotten so bad that most times, I would rather not be around her.  This is crazy, beacuse i love and when i was young, i always wanted to be around her, but not now.  

When i try to tell her that her words hurt me, she is not receptive.  She argues with me, screams, yells, and give me nasty looks.  i sometimes think that she does not like me too much.  Sometimes I catch her giving me nasty looks, even when we are on good terms.   When I ask her why she give me the look and what I did, she totally denies giving me the look.

But I really understand how you feel. I think getting counseling with you and your mother will help a great deal.  It will also help me and my mother, but I don't think my mom will agree to it.  I just try to stay out of her way and keep my mouth shut.

[margypops]

Perhaps make it a journal  or start a fresh thread,

[cmk469]

I just googled up my mother is emotionally abusive to me and ths is where I wound up.  I read many of the posts.  I hope some of you are still out there.  I have struggled my entire life with a mother who is my  biggest cross to bear in life and it just keeps getting worse.  I too have found peace through therapy but I find myself sucked back in because of a brother I love and he wants there to be a family unit, he sees it he gets it but thinks I am too rise above to some degree.  He feels sorry for her since she is exactly her mother as well.  But it is only be and very gender specific.  She treats me so disrespectful.  NOTHING I say is ever good or ok.  She must interject a comment to the contrary no matter what the subject.  She also does this to my daughter and we have had some terrible fights about it.  But not my son.  I pulled way back for a long time and it hurt my dad as well.  But he is somewhat aware and does nothing to help me.  He is not totally aware of the things she says and does as she plays a part when he is near and when certain others are near.  She is fully aware of her comments.  I am like in competition with her in her eyes.  She is in a boring, loveless marriage and she wishes nothing better for me. I am recently divorced and she now really ramps up on me rather than suppot me at all.  She kicks me when I am down always and the only thing that works ever is no contact.  Any one here want to talk about this  I could use a friend who understands this, most people dont as your mother is suppose to be the one person in the world who defends and loves you no matter what not throws you under the bus any opportunity.

[margypops]

Yes Jo929 said it this is an old post if you look at the date, would be good to start a fresh oneif you would care to as some of the members dont do this forum now. .