Aa
emotional abuse by mother
Hi, my mother is excessively verbally abusive, I´ve a Masters in Psychology and I can´t do anything to stop her, the only thing that works in distance as I live in a different country but the minute I see her in 5 minutes she´s able to make me feel very unhappy as her insults and abusive behaviour are horrendous. 2 years ago I decided to cut all contact with her but I was unable to do so. I´m thinking in doing this again. I´m 32 years old and I don´t think I deserve to be treated like this, I don´t consider her my mother, to me, she´s a monster. What can I do with her?
my mother constanly puts me down calling me selfish stupid useless a ******* a thug etc when none of it is true i cant afford to leave the house yet cos I work as an apprentice electrian I get up at 5.a.m. get hoe round 6.p.m. ashower and go to bed if i wanna watch tv its a huge arguement if i wanna put clothes in the wash its another over the years she viciously assulted me with hands wooden sppons threw things at me drew blood with nails allowed her husban (my father) (useless scumbag) to assult me with walking canes a walking frame mentally torture me etc she says Iam at fault but how can I be I do nothing worng and she sings so high praises of my brother and sister who are truely selfish ignorant people Im at my wits end with the whole situtation..............
I can totally see and feel I understand where you are coming from...
I think in life everyone can only really comment on things that they understand through their own experience, so don't be deterred if they don't understand your situation, it is unique to you :-) I would guess that maybe through your life you haven't met people who have experienced/understand what it is that you have been/are going through. I'm not sure of your age but I'm 31 now and looking back it took years (my whole life) to begin to admit/understand and get over what happened in my childhood, growing up and even now (with my mother) (I do not communicate with her now and consequently my family do not communicate with me). It's really hard and hurts and I am still getting over it now but I know that (for me) no contact is the only way I can feel happy/move on with my life. I think you know instinctively that what you have been through is wrong and I think it is most important regardless of any advice that you may get that you always listen to your inner voice as it will tell you the truth, try to protect you. Situations with a mother are rarely black and white but I think your inner voice with be trying to guide you to safely and I think you should try to tune into that and listen to it. If people blame you and it upsets me I think it is because this goes against the truth as you know it to be. Blame is unhelpful anyway, I think it is 'easy' to blame, but very unhelpful. Your mother may be strong and commanding and draw similar people and support near to her but that doesn't mean you have to be part of this or agree with her/them, you are your own unique person and owe it to yourself to be this person in life. It sounds to me like you need to be 'free' from your mother (this may be but doesn't need to be forever) to be able to become the person you truly are (not the one as you said yourself that you pretend to be). But I don't believe it makes sense for people to be in your life if they hurt you. Seek out support and people who make you feel good and be kind to yourself. I think your first job is to learn to value and love yourself which is a hard, hard thing when you haven't received this strong message from your own mother. My mother too said her love was 'conditional'...not something I have come to believe love is/should be. It may be helpful to begin to think about the people in your life you can/can't talk to and with those you can you need to be honest. I suggest going to the doctor and asking for help and you may need help for years from different people but although hard work it will be worth it even if each experience only seems to help you learn something little as once you've learnt it you can choose not to do it again (or consciously try) if it hurts you. Write down what you believe to be true and keep going back to it if you don't trust yourself right now. It's my bet it will read true in one day/week/month/year...and if it does get the help you deserve, you do deserve to be and feel loved, EVERYBODY does...you will feel BEST when you love yourself but others (the 'right' sort) can help you learn to do that :-) x x
I think in life everyone can only really comment on things that they understand through their own experience, so don't be deterred if they don't understand your situation, it is unique to you :-) I would guess that maybe through your life you haven't met people who have experienced/understand what it is that you have been/are going through. I'm not sure of your age but I'm 31 now and looking back it took years (my whole life) to begin to admit/understand and get over what happened in my childhood, growing up and even now (with my mother) (I do not communicate with her now and consequently my family do not communicate with me). It's really hard and hurts and I am still getting over it now but I know that (for me) no contact is the only way I can feel happy/move on with my life. I think you know instinctively that what you have been through is wrong and I think it is most important regardless of any advice that you may get that you always listen to your inner voice as it will tell you the truth, try to protect you. Situations with a mother are rarely black and white but I think your inner voice with be trying to guide you to safely and I think you should try to tune into that and listen to it. If people blame you and it upsets me I think it is because this goes against the truth as you know it to be. Blame is unhelpful anyway, I think it is 'easy' to blame, but very unhelpful. Your mother may be strong and commanding and draw similar people and support near to her but that doesn't mean you have to be part of this or agree with her/them, you are your own unique person and owe it to yourself to be this person in life. It sounds to me like you need to be 'free' from your mother (this may be but doesn't need to be forever) to be able to become the person you truly are (not the one as you said yourself that you pretend to be). But I don't believe it makes sense for people to be in your life if they hurt you. Seek out support and people who make you feel good and be kind to yourself. I think your first job is to learn to value and love yourself which is a hard, hard thing when you haven't received this strong message from your own mother. My mother too said her love was 'conditional'...not something I have come to believe love is/should be. It may be helpful to begin to think about the people in your life you can/can't talk to and with those you can you need to be honest. I suggest going to the doctor and asking for help and you may need help for years from different people but although hard work it will be worth it even if each experience only seems to help you learn something little as once you've learnt it you can choose not to do it again (or consciously try) if it hurts you. Write down what you believe to be true and keep going back to it if you don't trust yourself right now. It's my bet it will read true in one day/week/month/year...and if it does get the help you deserve, you do deserve to be and feel loved, EVERYBODY does...you will feel BEST when you love yourself but others (the 'right' sort) can help you learn to do that :-) x x
What are you at fault for. don't understand.
I strongly feel that you could get help. I havegotten a ot of help.
I strongly feel that you could get help. I havegotten a ot of help.
How soon can you get your own place? Have you ever been in therapy? Can you see a counselor at your school?
Hi,
I just post a comment about a similar issue. I am 27 years old and I just( couple days ago) partly realized that my mother has been emotionally abusive since I was a pre-teen. I think it is probably best to distance yourself; this is what I plan to do soon. If your or my mother is willing to acknowledge that they are and have been abusive, then there is room for change and a relationship with them. This abuse has effected me in a way that is soo deep. I hope noone has to experience it.
I hope you the best!
I just post a comment about a similar issue. I am 27 years old and I just( couple days ago) partly realized that my mother has been emotionally abusive since I was a pre-teen. I think it is probably best to distance yourself; this is what I plan to do soon. If your or my mother is willing to acknowledge that they are and have been abusive, then there is room for change and a relationship with them. This abuse has effected me in a way that is soo deep. I hope noone has to experience it.
I hope you the best!
Maybe I am projecting my situation, but it's something to consider. My family is sadistic. I have tried to befriend one sister because she lost her daughter. We got along much better with phone communication for a year, but she just visited me for 3 days, and nothing has really changed. It was really horrible.
I value and respect my mother's memory. I can have great compassion that she was ill and had a hard life. However, she made my life almost impossible. I suffered a great deal from her behavior.I stayed away from my family for ten years. I went back to check on them, and my mother treated me better sometimes. She even called me beautiful right before she died.
I could not stand to see her suffer. I always knew that I respected her no matter what, and that I would do anything for her. I have never stopped wanting her love. I learned this weekend that she died (six years ago) because of a medical error and I was furious.
You are not alone. There are a lot of families who cannot seem to support each other. There is only fighting and abuse.
I have been able to help my sister during her difficult time. I also helped my neice who died. I know that I cannot be alone with my sister again, Earlier this year she thought she had cancer. I was going to take care of her.
Families who cannot stop hurting each other are so sad. There are so many things we could enjoy together, like our children, but everything was screwed up a long time ago.
I guess I am saying that you also might find some positive moments in the future, with your family.
Even though I respect her, I will never feel I had a mother, because the physical and psychological abuse was so horrible. My mother may have been schizophrenic.
This has hampered my life so much, but now I feel more sorrow than the anger I used to feel. I will always feel glad that I went back to see her.
MY two sisters and brother who survive are really sadistic. Apparently, a lot of mental illness in my family. Manic depressive, bipolar, schizophrenia.
It is too sad that I cannot see my other sister and brother, but they are so abusive. I do love them, but they are so cruel. All three siblings abused me in one way or another.
If I try to communicate with them, it's just a stream of abuse.
I feel good about the good things I have done for family members, but I have ti stay away from most of them, all the time.
I value and respect my mother's memory. I can have great compassion that she was ill and had a hard life. However, she made my life almost impossible. I suffered a great deal from her behavior.I stayed away from my family for ten years. I went back to check on them, and my mother treated me better sometimes. She even called me beautiful right before she died.
I could not stand to see her suffer. I always knew that I respected her no matter what, and that I would do anything for her. I have never stopped wanting her love. I learned this weekend that she died (six years ago) because of a medical error and I was furious.
You are not alone. There are a lot of families who cannot seem to support each other. There is only fighting and abuse.
I have been able to help my sister during her difficult time. I also helped my neice who died. I know that I cannot be alone with my sister again, Earlier this year she thought she had cancer. I was going to take care of her.
Families who cannot stop hurting each other are so sad. There are so many things we could enjoy together, like our children, but everything was screwed up a long time ago.
I guess I am saying that you also might find some positive moments in the future, with your family.
Even though I respect her, I will never feel I had a mother, because the physical and psychological abuse was so horrible. My mother may have been schizophrenic.
This has hampered my life so much, but now I feel more sorrow than the anger I used to feel. I will always feel glad that I went back to see her.
MY two sisters and brother who survive are really sadistic. Apparently, a lot of mental illness in my family. Manic depressive, bipolar, schizophrenia.
It is too sad that I cannot see my other sister and brother, but they are so abusive. I do love them, but they are so cruel. All three siblings abused me in one way or another.
If I try to communicate with them, it's just a stream of abuse.
I feel good about the good things I have done for family members, but I have ti stay away from most of them, all the time.
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