It sounds like it's been a very long time since you've felt "normal". That would be before your brother passed, and before you started to use drugs to manage your pain. You've got a little girl that you admit doesn't know the "real" you. That is a consequence to your drug use. It's not easy, but it's doable to detox without the aid of professionals. The only thing with that, is there is no 'care" given. No "aftercare" no talking to an Addictions Therapist (as one would have access to in rehab) No meetings that would be the focus of Rehab. If you can't or won't go to Rehab, and you truly wan t long term results you would need to get your own Addictions Therapist, and go to your meetings alone (whereas you would be in a group in rehab going to your first NA meetings). I'm afraid that without additional support in your recovery, it will be hard to acquire long term success. My suggestion to you, is to get to an NA meeting, go to an "open" meeting to hear other stories that remind you of yourself. Go to "closed " meetings (where only addicts are involved) where you can also talk about your situation. There you can meet other mothers who are quitting for a better lifestyle for their children. You can (should) access a "sponsor" that you can call and talk to if you are thinking about using "stinking thinking". Often they can and will help you down from that ledge.
Can you commit at this time to pursuing support for long term success.?
Can you admit that you are powerless over your DOC (drug of choice) and your life has become unmanageable? That is Step One. in the program of Alcoholics or Narcotics Anonymous. All you need to join in is a desire to quit using. Without this type of support, it can be a far more daunting task. to detox and quit long term.
Your daughter is being affected. There are huge consequences to your using right now. So now would be a good time to include everything that you need to do to quit.
Always here to support your recovery.
KUDOS!!! I tell people all the time if you really wanna quit those counselors, meetings therapists whatever you choose are SOOOOO importantI was clean on my own for over 7 years and then relapsed after the loss of my child we deliver at 22 weeks, I knew what i had done to myself after a few months and unfortunately went to a suboxone clinic!!! Now, I am in a very good place who requires counseling and meetings before gaining your meds but the bad part is aI traded 1 substance for another and had no idea that my lil pill addiction miracle was gonna end up in heroin like withdrawal...I have been on it for 5 years now and am only so scared that my children are gonna see me in those withdrawals and am working on that now but without those meetings that to me the first few months were so stupid I would have never realised what my problems really were or gained the tools to help me get to the point I m now, and I would really suggest if you wanna get clean start out with meetings or a therapist and get your body ready for the withdrawal and the days to come to not only make it easier for yourself but your daughter, nutrition, exercise and detoxification are very very important, I have started a exercise regimen , eating very healthy, taking extra vitamins and supplements to get my body ready for what is about to happen and even being on the suboxone I am detoxifying and cleansing my body as much as possible to get ready and have it working properly to disperse all the toxins from the meds out of my system...Essential oils have helped me tremendously with that and there is a great co with 100% therapeutic and pure natural oils that I have been ingesting fo along time now without all the bs of the big co who want you to sell this and that and charge 20 to 30 dollars a bottle for 5ml of an oil,,,, Fabulous Frannies can be found online and the big pyramid co 20 dollar bottles are like 5 to 10 with this place but I detox by taking baths with lavender and epsom salts, I use baking soda, fresh lemon juice and tea tree oil for deodorant and alot of detoxifying foot baths,It may break your skin out a week or 2 but it is the toxins coming out, it is a good thing and your main spots on your body to disperse the toxins are underarms and feet along with your digestive system and I put daily a drop of lemon oil, not juice in a glass of water first thing and that rehydrates and awakens the body, then I use a drop of lavender and later a drop of peppermint but all in between water glasses I use lemon, all 3 of these oils are ingestible at your own risk, but everyone I have spoke to and it is alot it has never hurt them just make 100% sure that the oils you are getting are pure and natural, not just you local grocery store scents, the ones that are 100% will most likely say on the bottle "do not ingest unless prescribed from a nutritionist ect" ones that are not will only say "do not ingest or use internally" You can also look up the vitamins and supplements to take extra that will help but please do not do it alone whatever you do...have a support system. I will gladly give you my email adress and you can contact me anytime if you need it.Good luck to you!!!
I agree with the above.
Maybe put this post in over at our "Substance Abuse Community" We have more people who come and go over there.
Try hitting some outside support groups. Maybe talk to a therapist.
I wish you the best!
I was on suboxone for 8 years. The withdrawal from that is WAY worse than withdrawing from vicodin. I was on vic for 15 years. I'm on my 5th day sober now and it's not so bad. I got a book called Rational Recovery. And, I guess I decided enough was enough and I don't want that life style anymore. I'm tired of being broke all the time.