Addiction: Alcohol/Drug Rehab Community
994 Members
Avatar universal

boyfriend is struggling to remain clean-i found out im pregnant

My boyfriend of a year has been struggling with addiction for at least 10 years(has had a few ODs). he was clean for about a year prior to our relationship and about 5 months in he relapsed.this is his 3rd time at least since we've been together, ive stayed by his side through his ups and downs, saw the parts of his personality that i felt ashamed to be his girlfriend. Well now its my struggle and he's left me to deal with it on my own. Our relationship hadn't been going well for some time due to schedules. He worked seconds or midnights at a factory job he hated-but would pick up overtime shifts left and right. i had school and worked mornings. we agreed to make sundays our day to hang out-yet he continued to blow me off for work or sleep-who knows. so i broke up with him but we agreed to try and make it work. i had some suspisions that something was off with him but wasn't sure. then i found out i was pregnant. i knew deep down that an abortion was the best thing. We are both in are late 20's-he already as a 4 year old that he doesnt see as much as he'd like. I'd love to be a mom but the fact that he's not the man that i want him to be at this point, neither of us live on our own or are financially capable and my epilepsy(id have to change meds which means i cant drive for a while and schools an hour away) have justified my decision to have the abortion-and i did two days ago. He was against it and has in no way been there for me during the ordeal. He dealt with it by not talking about it and doing pills. he checked himself into a detox facility that he was at for a few days. he's no out and still is cold and has said cruel things to me. he says his view of me is different, that my morals/soul/character is not what he thought. Ive never lied to him about anything. i stood by him through his lies and stealing...something against my morals...but he turned his back on me and makes me feel like a horrible person. i just wanted what was best for us-to get our relationship better,him to better himself-go to college,etc---a child was not a way to repair everything.

id just appreciate some feedback/words of wisdom if anyone has been through this
3 Responses
Avatar universal
Wow! That's quite a bit of stress on you. I'm so sorry that you aren't getting the support you need through this ordeal. I for one think you did what you needed to do for your sake, and your child. You WILL be a mom one day. But when the time is right. The kind of support you are getting from ur bf right now is typical of an addict. I know because I am one. Noone elses feelings ever mattered but mine. Nor what they needed or wanted. It was all about me and how I could get more pills. Keep your head up and try to remember... He had this addiction before you. If this isn't what you want for your life then you have some decisions to make. He will always be an addict. The ups and downs are part of him and almost every addict. (not all) . Take care of you! Good luck in school!
3060903 tn?1398565123
I had to have an abortion with my first husband. He wanted us to get married and that was a mistake. One day when he was high he told me that if i tried to take the baby he would kill me first. I couldn't trust him, it was the best option at the time, I'm so glad to hear you're in school, it's soooo depressing to be in a job going nowhere, he's probably jealous that you're in school too, maybe you should try and talk to him about going to school , part time if nothing else, or even on the internet, learn some programs, excel etc. and direct him to an office job where he may be happier, that's if you can talk to him about it, but you have to put yourself first, and you may need to go off on your own, try to talk to him about getting help, that's all you can do; keep posting, you're not alone. Liz
2164644 tn?1344629933
It a hard situation. my boyfriend is also a addict. I was becoming one too then I got pregnant. I thought it would make him stop but I wanted the baby regaurdless. We were  on n off since I found out n it s been a hard road doing it alne. He recently got  kicked out his house  bcu of his addictions .h hit rock bottom n finally is getTing help. H e was in a locked facility for a week. Now he got into a 30 day resdental program. Im 8 1/2 months PReg nant n donteven know if hell be there for his sons birth. So I def. Understand why u did whar u did at the end of the day its aboUT whats best foru. Good luk to u.
Have an Answer?
Top Addiction Answerers
Avatar universal
phoenix, AZ
3060903 tn?1398565123
Avatar universal
edinburgh, Scotland, United Kingdom
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
For people with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), the COVID-19 pandemic can be particularly challenging.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.