Is it possible he isn't cheating while smoking crack?

[twinkle0206]

Hi, I am new to all this, I don't use any kind of drugs...I only drink beer from time to time.  I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years, we live together...I have a 14 yr old dauhter that lives with us.  My boyfriend steals my car and my phone while I am asleep and oes on crack binges..I have Food Stamps for me and my daughter and he has even sold that for crack leaving us with no food.  He took our tax money and was gone for three days leavin me with no car nor phone.  He always comes back regeretful and feeling very low about himself...Last week we had an arguement and he took my car, as soon as i noticed my car gone i called a friend to come get me...I sorta of know where he goes to get his fix..it's 4 blocks over...where crackheads walk the street...i found him and he had a women with him....I made her get out of the car and talked him into coming home...on the way home he drove thru that neighborhood and was flagged down by another woman, he stopped and let her in...with me screaming and hitting him telling him no!!!  He just kept saying" she is just going to get my crack thats all" " i'm sorry"....in conversation after this come to find out thats all he has getting his crack is women...all 4 times...he says they getin the car show him where to go, get his crack, he carries them back and smokes it by himself...i ask what they got out of it, he said they get some of the crack for themsleves....I know notheing about crack, he say he can't et an erection while on crack...Is he cheating with these women or is it possible to ride with these ****** for days and not be sexual at all??    Note...when he gets home after his binges, he is really turned on and wanting sex from me! .

[TalkMessy]

If he is using. Sweetie he is already cheating on you. He is cheating you out of a real life. Free from addiction risk of std and danger. You love him. Be smart walk away before you end up dead. Crack heads even part time ones are great liars. My best friend is married to one and her poor kids are the ones being hurt. They are constantly teased because of their father addiction. They were put into foster home.Because he broke into their house high on crack and marijuana. And had a blood level for alchol over the legal limit. She left him and is doing great know. She has meet a man who is great with her kids. He ironically work with kids whose parent are addict. The kids are on the honor roll. And he totally out of the picture. They have the kind of life. You dream about as little girl. I have yet to meet a lil girl that say when .I grow up I want to be Mrs Crackhead.  Leave him!Get help! And when your heart is ready God will send you a friend companion husband and wonderful father.Stay safe and remember. Jeremiah 29 verse 11. And read psalm 73 verse26 also john 14 verse 27. Remember your are worthy of love. Remember god created a man first but things didnt get good until he made a woman

[CharliesAngel_1981]

I am going through this as we speak. My man left his program yesterday, and went on another drug binge. I woke up this morning, and listen to my voicemails. I got one voicemail that sounded like two people having sex. I can't prove that it was him, because when I try to get the information of what number did it come from it was no number and no name. Do I think he's cheating? Yes. Is it killing me? Sadly it is. Is there anything I can do about it? Sadly no there's nothing I can do. But you know what, I don't only fault him, I also fault myself, because I'm allowing him to put me through this mess. Do I deserve it? No because I treat him like a king. But sadly, crack cocaine is his Queen. And any female, that has it on hand, or is able to get it for him, is his b**** at the time. And for the life of me, I can't understand it. But maybe it's not meant for me to understand. Am I walking away from him, yes I am. Am I going to leave him standing right where I found him, yes I am. And sadly the place that I found him, was a drug program in the heart of skid row and downtown Los Angeles. And sadly that's where I'm leaving him. If it wasn't for me, he would have never got his SSI, if you wasn't for me, he would have never went to the doctors and got the medication and needed for his health. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have a $300 wardrobe in his closet right now. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have been in the program that he just left. You know I lay in my bed at night, and I ask myself. What have I done to this man that is so bad that he must treat me like this. What have I done to this man that is so bad that he has to turn around and cheat with b****** that ain't s***, ain't about s***, and ain't never going to have s***. But you know what, that's his sick thinking. He's institutionalized, he doesn't know how to live his life without the use of Alcohol and Other Drugs. He doesn't know what it means to be in a relationship, he doesn't know what it means to treat a woman right, he doesn't know what it means to respect a woman for the beautiful queen that she is. All he knows how to do is use women for what he can get from them. Right now he's probably laid up in the motel room with some crackhead b****, hoping and praying that she can suck his **** better than I can. Hoping and praying that her hoo hoo don't get him sick. But I will tell you what he's not doing, he's not laying up thinking about me. He's not laying up with his other b**** wondering what I'm doing if I'm thinking about him. He ain't laying up in this motel room or in the alley or wherever he's at, wondering if I'm heartbroken or not. He's not concerned with the tears that are falling from my eyes every night I lay down and he don't call me. That man is not thinking about me. I am the last sayings on this man's mind right now. To him right now all I am is a bother, I'm boring because I don't do drugs. I'm a bore because I don't let him get away with s***. Am I heartbroken, most definitely. Don't want to beat him up when I see him? Your mother f****** right I do. Because I feel like I'm being punked, I feel like I'm getting played. Will he miss me when I'm gone? Your mother f****** right. Seeing this is the same man that told me, that if I mess around with somebody else, or even try to get into another relationship, he is going to bust me to the white meat. If you're willing to do all this when I get in a relationship, why would you leave me out here for the Wolves to get me? See a real king does not allow the door to stay open so others can get to his Queen. Because of real king will never leave something he knows he will never find again.

[srh28]

I often wonder the same thing bc I too am married to a addict who at any given moment will just be gone for days. He doesn't still from me, and he works really hard but whenever he has the urge to get high he does it. This is a sad life to live and I would advise you to walk away while you can. For I married a man with a known addiction hoping for change. I will pray for you, and I hope you will pray for me as well. Good luck to you

[kymykat]

I use drugs too. a three day run means a horny guy and if he doesnt come home then he is hitting it some other place.  put GPS on your car and see where he goes.  have a friend bring you to where he is at.  surprise!!!!!

[kymykat]

I use drugs too. a three day run means a horny guy and if he doesnt come home then he is hitting it some other place.  put GPS on your car and see where he goes.  have a friend bring you to where he is at.  surprise!!!!!

[Jinx_777]

i am shocked that you still say you love a creep that was molesting your 4 yr old daughter.  i know that happens, but PLEASE seek counseling for you and her.  i would be in prison because i would have killed him.  
i hope you get that counseling and get as far from him as possible.  actually i hope he spends years and years in prison

[concernedmommy84]

Unfortunately, I am going through something similar.  I have been with this guy for 2 years, he has a crack addiction and drinking problem, along with a narcissistic issue steming from an unhealthy mother-son development.  I had hid it from my family, who respected and loved him.  I can say that many addicts act out the sexual fantasies differently.  he is highly motivated to be sexual but unable to get an erection. not saying that this is the case with everyone.  He uses in our bedroom bathroom or our bedroom most times while I may be in another room of the house.  I don't think he cheats with this addiction, but again everyone is different.  This case is much worse bc 3 days ago I caught him fondling my 4 year daughter while he was high. I rushed her to the ER and called the police. I moved out and I am writing you from my sisters laptop at her house.  
I will say this to you. I know you love him, as I still love this monster.  And maybe you need to here that he is not a monster. Its hard for us to swallow that we love someone that continuously hurts us. So think of it this way, he has an issue that you cannot resolve for him..nor do you need to waste your life, endanger your children HOPING that he will get help. Bc even after getting help there is still a risk that he may regress back to using.  Its not worth it.  Be a friend to him, and pray for him...as you are packing your bags and getting out before you find the worse nightmare of your life: YOUR KIDS HAVING TO SUFFER FOR A BAD EMOTIONAL DECISION YOU MADE TO STAY WITH AN ADDICT!

Also look for support groups to help your esteem.
Love you, you are in my prayers! AND YOU CAN DO IT WITH THE HELP OF GOD! I didn't think I could, but I am doing it. Right now. As we speak, with all the hurt, and all the pain, I know I am doing what I have to do. And it will get easier.

[fieldsbatman]

most men I met that smoked, wanted sex, lots of sex.  I met and married a crack head because I was afraid of him.  I'd never met anyone like that in my life.  He had sex with a crack head female on my wedding night. I went and got checked, and yep, positive for gonereha. It seems there is an entire different culture involved in that drug. The majority of men do become very aroused, some just cannot get it up at all. I think the women participate just to get more dope.
Just my experience. He tried to kill me twice within 11 days of the marriage, thought he'd get money from my retirement. Yep, I was an older woman, educated, and still had no clue this crap went on.
Me? I'd run as fast as I could, The thing is, for some reason, the worst men are the hardest to leave. Besides having to be good lovers to get away with their game, they are stalkers.

[Lisalovesome2]

I don't know what to say my boyfriend smokes stay gone for hours sometimes days and he say he's not cheatin he say he needs help and he wonts to quit but he never goes for the help and i also feel he is being with another woman and his crack.

[Alana34]

I would say that his first love and desire is crack. I went through this, and didn't give a crap about sex, boyfriends, ect. I did not prositutemyself I got out b4 that thank god. The EXACT  moment when you just get high, I can see sex being wanted, but your saying he gets home and well, has enough time for that immediate high to go down. Your mood changes very fast after that first 3 sec high, as you start to crash, Guilt may be one of his emotions. He has a family he loves and is doing crack, He may be having sex to "try to mnake it up" in his own cracked up way. I have a sibling that ruined his family and his life by being heavily addicted to crack. Its reallly hard, really hard, but you are staying in his life so he can screw up over and over and go to his family. My sibling, got so bad, he was spending 500 dollars a day on crack, he had two kids and a baby on the way. Wife just said, " if he doesn't clean up this time, I will leave" he never did, in fact, he ended up dealing, childwelfare got involved, so he had to stop,so he started drinking, and things just got worse. For you and your familys sake, right him a letter, tell him why you have to go, photocopy it, because he may ripp it up and not remember why. explain you love him, but you need him clean. send the letter every two weeks for 6 weeks. sometimes loosing everything and hitting rock bottum, is what someone needs to get through, especially if you remind him you are there when he is clean. please get couselling help. social services will not get involved if you tell them you left until you know hes clean and they willl help you, along with other agencies. And believe me, you, your daughter, and no other women is important to him right now, crack is what he wants noone is important till he gets his fix. btw.. it sounds like you dererve way better then this, but we cant pick who we love

[notperfect731]

Yeah, that rounds it up. I wish i was as strong as you. The choice be with me or not, take me with my addiction or nothing. I know that, and the I will get clean, no more. I wish I was smart enough to just keep moving on, i left him for over two years and went back. The kids, and i missed the family life. Word to the wise, never look back or you might get two more kids out of it.

[notperfect731]

Hi, I have been with a Edmonton crackhead for 9 years on and off. I have the same questions that leave me up in the night. We have four children and now my worst nightmare has come true. There is nothing you can do, some cheat, some don't. I don't understand why the man comes home wanting sex after a binge. I don't know if they are getting sex all over the place, I know if they are sleeping with you steady that may mean he is enjoying you for all your worth. That he is in there somewhere ok, but no one is going to change him.
He is the only one that will, my crackhead is a redhead, he has four children with me, and if i get one picture or message of evidence, I am done like over done. I am actually leaving him, my heart loves him and his great need for someone in this world. But the truth is he can't have anyone but himself now, and he should hold that in his responsibility.
Don't believe trash on here, they love to cause problems. i had my own drug problem, and some men do love the women in there life. They only want one most of the time, drugs are the only focus right now.
And the hurtful picture is to look and see that this person is only hurting, and may only fall deeper into the underworld of drugs. He may even sell himself for sex.
We can leave these guys together and find good men. Trust me, I have four kids and was in school. I still have to go to school and become a doctor. Treat them as sick, in mind above all. The men are disgusting, and the women are worse. Never trust a women on drugs they know nothing of the heart, they sold there heart along time ago, and soon men do too.
Women never really come back if they haven't already, drugs only destory.
My best friend is my lover who is addicted only for this i would have gone along time ago. I wanted to care and love him out of this terrible thing, but it only empowers them to do more.
This is a bad thing cause the more love you feed them, the more they die. Treat them well, and love them from afar, and try to support yourself, cause anything is better then having to stress like we do.
Acceptance of this is our answer and your not the only women out there that feels the same way.
Give him no reason to hate you, and leave kindly as possible, try day by day, month by month and year by year to leave this horrible feeling of staying up all night worried about why can't we just live normal in love.

[me2325]

RUN! Do not stay with this guy. I was with a crackhead for 5 years. I got a severely broken heart, a drained bank account, used, abused, and 2 kids to raise on my own.

My ex had a cycle. It went like this (which made the addiction all that more confusing):

Go on a crack binge (he would go, use, come back x3, then just leave and not return until he got arrested).
Get arrested for B&E or whatever he did to get $$
Go to jail for 6mths-1yr
Get out, stay clean for a year while being totally enthralled unhealthily in religion

Repeat.


He would only use in the Spring/Summer months. He told me that he liked the no-responsibility lifestyle. He also told me that the word "incentive" is not in an addicts vocabulary. When I had our kids that ran truer than ever before. Our kids were 2 weeks old, and he took off on all of us without so much as a second thought.

I am sure some crack addicts can get clean, but the sad reality is that it is very uncommon. They are manipulative, borderline sociopathic, lying, cheating, using, opportunist assholes who will never change for anyone. Most are allergic to the big R word (responsibility), so they will never admit that they are responsible for their addiction. My ex has been addicted to drugs, specifically crack, for 15yrs. Somehow I was the cause of his drug addiction/relapses. To this day that is still true to him. I used to believe it. I used to let him deflect responsibility for his actions onto me until I beat myself down, and was apologizing to HIM.

You will not ever change him. You will not be able to love him clean because addicts do not know what love is, nor care what it is. He sees you as a pawn in his sick game of life. Someone there to use and to fall back on when things don't turn out.

I was the other rock for my ex. The only time I ever mattered was when he just got put into jail, and then right when he got out. After a month of getting out, I was nothing anymore. Church was his new addiction (don't think an addict who has found God to be healthy either. Sometimes they just switch addictions for a short while).

So, all that to say that this isn't YOUR fault. This is a choice he has made, and that was probably made before you. As for him cheating on you, I often wonder about my ex. I am sure he did, but I always got a "no" when I asked. Sadly, I only just realized that anythign that comes out of his mouth is a lie.

Also, don't be surprised if you leave him and he quickly finds someone else. 6mths pregnant with twins I was given the ultimatum of "be with me now, or I move on." This was because I told him that I needed time to heal from what he had put me through. That I wanted to seek counseling for myslef and for us. Well, he didn't like that. Addicts needs instant gratification. Well, not long after that he was seeing someone new from his church.

Run for your kids. Run for you. You will never make him get clean. You will never be incentive.

[kkkjjj]

My boyfreind want addicted to crack when we split up but now he's addicted he started a new relation ship with another crackhead that as lost her kids already we have 2 little boys what he asnt askt about for over a month when will he realise he's lost me and is kids I have bin with this lad for 8 years why would he start doing crack and do this to me and is kids

[dominosarah]

If you continue to live like this you will lose everything, that is guaranteed.  I understand love and i understand addiction.  He is addicted to drugs and you are addicted to him.  Please get some help with this.

[10356]

Hello Twinkle.. I feel bad reading this.. I feel bad becuase you refuse to take the blinders off and see the damage this is doing to your daughter.. they learn by example. is this the worry you want your daughter to have with her mate our even worse what if she gets curious about the speed ? let alone your daughter you tolerating this situation is hard to phantom.. How can you tolerate somebody that does not care if you two have food ? if you have light ? basic necessities..
I understand love but I also understand when we have no love for ourselves.. no self worth..  The very best advice I could give you is TELL YOUR FAMILY... Go to Counseling.. find out and work out why you allow you and Your daughter to be treated this way,, Like I said before EVERY TIME you let him back in it furthers his addiction.. You claim you love him then love him enough to kick him out so he can hit his personal bottom.. I do not know what your bottom is but I PRAY you find it soon if not for you for your Daughter... lesa

[atthebeach]

you cant do anything to stop his addiction. he has to. you can only get you and your daughter away from him.

[atthebeach]

oh hun. i am so sorry. the addiction is progressive . he will do it more and more. is the apt in your name? you need to move out. can you go to a place to get emergency funds to pay the electric bill? a church, a mission?
i think you should report the car stolen.

[twinkle0206]

I know all of you warn me...but h'e is such a nice guy....he started drinking tonight and now he has stolen my car and our light bill money....li.//ghts will be cut off tomorrow...i love him so much,wut am i suppoxe to do?

[twinkle0206]

He has taken my car and our light bill money......lights will be cut off tomorrow...

[twinkle0206]

Anyone here?  He has done it again...

[overopiates]

U seem scared2b alone.REMEMBER UR NOT u have a very impressionable14yr old girl who needs a mom.U r not just settling u r just giving up sweetie.Ur better than this,him,the whole mess!!!!Im harsh n the last post cause u need a wake up call.U have1child NOT2.

[akitagurl12]

I am glad you are close with your family.  I would get away from him.  I know it's easier said then done, though.  Even if he is not cheating with other women, crack is still going to come before you and his daughter.  Please think about yourself & your daughter only right now.  You deserve so much more.

[texaslady68]

Oh and another thing, any man coming home to me after a 3 day crack binge would get his you know whats kicked in....that would be about as close to sex as he would get from me......