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My boyfriend smokes crack

Me & my boyfriend been together for 5 years. We have 4 kids, 2 of them we had together, 1 is from my past relationship & he has 1 from his past relationships. He has a really good job, he is a good father to our kids & he is such a good man. But over the past 4 years he has been casually using crack. He stays clean for almost a year & then uses. When he uses he stays away from home up to 4 days, he doesn't respond to my phone calls, or text. When he comes home after being out to get high he gets sick, stinks & doesn't want to be bothered. I've tried talking to him, ignoring him, being angry with him and he will still end up using. I've came to the point were I told him I would leave him & he will break down & beg me not to & promises that he is done with it. For some odd reason I believe him every time & when he does use I still stay. I tried turning to family but they either don't care or don't believe me. Outside looking in you would think we was such a happy family. No one sees what I go thru & a lot of people don't know he uses. He keeps saying everyone makes mistakes which I understand but to keep making them isn't right especially if you have sleep apnea, 4 kids who need him & a woman who loves him dearly. When he uses I be so worried about his health & well being cause again he doesn't call or answer mine. I never know where he is or if he's OK. Would I be wrong to leave being that we have kids or thinking that he will be worse without me? What is there that I can do to help him? Or is there something I'm doing wrong? Its so hurtful to deal with his addiction what do I do?
1 Responses
3060903 tn?1398565123
It's pretty hard to try to help a man that is able to go for a year in between using. One might say that he's not addicted, that it is simply a choice for entertainment. On the other hand, if he says he wants to stop and cannot, well that's what an addict is. An addict usually needs help from others who have kicked the habit to help them. If he doesn't believe that he's an addict, that he is in control, it will be hard for him to look for help.

The problem is that men on coke, are sexaholics and they're not careful. The next step from smoking crack, is to use an IV needle. You might say "he would never do that" but the point is, that while in his travels. he is meeting other addicts, who he buys from etc. Often there are women involved. Purposely dealers will set buyers up with women that control the users pocket book and get them to buy more and more. Mistery loves company, and often addicts will introduce news way of using the drug that the user is in love with, saying if you think this is good, \wait until you use it this way. and bang, one thing leads to another, and needles are shared. At least that 's how i got HepC. I thnk my lucky starts it wasn't worse. It could eaily have been HIV.

What would i do if my man went missing for days and not call or answer his phone? I would smell another women a mile away and that wouldn't be okay with me. I left my first husband because he thought that he'd visit the local strip club. No way would i buy into that , for a lifetime.
and tell him bye bye.

The thing here is , your husband is bulking you and the kids in the same concept. And finding it no harder to leave you alone than take a vacation from the kids, knowing how hard that must be on you, and apparently , he doesn't care. That's NOT okay. Whether he is using regularly, his mind set is that of an addict, having no compassion for the family left in the wake of addiction.

I'm an addict btw. He needs help, but you need more help. You need to know how to protect yourself from his not caring. I think you should talk to a therapist about this, and also insist upon marriage counseling and revisit any thought of what you want to do, after you've p;ut that effort in. If he sees you're not putting in any real effort of your own, why would he change.
I would not have sex with him without protection, that i can say for absolute sure. He needs to be tested for \std's and take precautions , whether he's away for 4 days or 4 months a year.
I'm sorry it's so hard, i'm here if you can talk about it , please feel free to private message  me. I know alot about crack addiction,  I might be able to help.

God bless you and the family..
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