evil lurks

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

Hey all.... Just when you THINK you've got everything under control... life hits you with a BIG ONE...
I've been CLEAN off of Norco for 39 days... yipee... but, my poor Mom (who is "Mary Poppins" to me) is dying and now on Hospice Care.. and for ONE moment I thought... "Oh.. take a pill... you'll feel better... "  BUT, I didn't, haven't and WON'T cuz I would be throwing away 39 days...plus of NO Help to my Mom...

Plus, it just hit me that I KNOW I am way better off and able to cope with this situation WITHOUT using... Ya just gotta "FEEL" sometimes... "FEELINGS.. WHOA.. WHOA.. WHOA.. FEELINGS"

Just needed to vent and to thank all of you out there for all the love and support you've offered...

Love, Hugs and Prayers to all
NorcoQueenoftheUniverse

[whitie]

hospice was there for my cousins, whom lost both mom AND dad within a 1 year span, to cancer. they were good ole fashioned hard working folks, that everyone loved. some of my best childhood memories were at their place.

hopefully some of the new DNA discoveries, that I have read about will help us gun down that evil disease........

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

Thanks hon...your statement about being in the right frame of mind is SOOOOO TRUE. and I'm glad that I am...

And, I do agree with Hospice being one of the greatest organizations... Truly they are; and as my Mom says;  "Hospice is the ante to Heaven..."  Amen!

[whitie]

good job..........another way to look at,is to keep in mind that if you did use, you are not going to be there in the right frame of mind. or imagine if you were having to go through major wd's all while this is taking place.

man so sorry to hear about your mom.


hospice is one of the greatest organizations I have ever seen,btw. true saints.

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

Hey,,,, Just an update that I made it thru yesterday WITHOUT USING... Yipee.... 40 days CLEAN TODAY!!

Rough day but I made it thru THANKS to ALL OF YOU!!

Today is a new day and my motto:  EVERYDAY THAT I DON'T USE IS A BETTER DAY THAN WHEN I DID

Love, Hugs and Prayers to all!

NorcoQueenoftheUniverse

[troubleinohio]

Im so sorry you are going through this hon. Its so hard when a loved one is terminally ill. I still clearly remember when my ex's dad was dying of cancer. I was helping take care of him til the very end and its so very hard. I loved him like a real father. My thoughts and prayers go out to you during this time. Write me anytime if you want to talk more or in private or anything. xo xo

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

I loved the way that you called your DAD ... "DADDY"  that really hit home!  (my dad used  to insist that all of his 3 girls call him "Daddy Big Bucks!") My dad's been gone since 2000... what a lose.... what a super guy...

My heart goes out to you... cuz I know how much you miss your Daddy.... everyday... cuz.. I know I DO!  

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

THANK ALL.. you are MY HERO'S!

and... I'm still CLEAN!

[newstart730]

I'm so proud of you for your clean time and your refusal to attempt to numb the pain with meds.  I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. You are being so strong and deserve a big hug!

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

Then to ADD TO this life challenging  situation... My really good next door neighbor just had a massive heart attack this morning (He was only 55 years old...  and I just found out he died... )
Oh my gosh... my heart just is so sad for their family... Good people... GREAT Neighbors...

I am NOT USING!

[RoxiMan2009]

I wish you the best and im sorry to here about your mom. Please stay strong for all of us. Life works in funny ways.

[PromisedLand]

tears in my eyes, freebird....I hope you are doing better.  words not spoken...I always ended conversations with my stepmother (died March 08 with "I love you"...she married my dad with 3 boys, move from one end of the country to the other and though it was rough 2 of us turned out OK.  I did have the opportunity while she was alive to say those words, and she was lucid enough to understand them, and we both had a great conversation..

Freebird..my thouthgs, press and tears are with you

Jim

[jollyman069]

your not only throwing 39 days away but if you get back into pills your throwing your life away..it is not worth it..you have come to far don't turn back now.....be strong so you can be there for your mom...God Bless....brian

[freebird227]

This week I had a melt down gest crumbled in my husbands arms sobbing. My daddy died 12 years ago in May, I was clean of course and my daddy died sober.
Powerlessness pure utter powerless. We come into this world on our own and we leave the same way. Dying is a solitary process, yes we can be there but ultimatly it is the work of the dying....not ours.
    How do you get ready for what is comming? Stay clean no matter what,love those around you, get support.And be there if possible to share with your loved one. Don't be left with words not spoken
I crawled up in my daddys dying bed and and he held me.( big daddy's girl )
Mama was to weak to deal---my sister had distanced herself from him because of his drinking---My brother was smoking crack.

I feel so honored that I was the one to step up and make all the arrangements,,,, My brother did help pick out the casket and on the way in he made a funny  He said " Debbie, we are not here to buy a dress"  Laughter through tears
Be Blessed

[dominosarah]

Good way of explaining that eagle......i chose the coward route.  Just shameful.......

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

You are probably most at risk when you DO think that you have everything under control.  I have been caregiver for Mom that is in end stage dementia. She is dying, incontinent, and bedridden.  I have had those thoughts about pills before myself.  After introspective srruggles I realized how unfair it would be to my Mom for me to take that cowards route. And I could not even allow myself to share her last days on earth in a narcotic fog or escape. There is a latin term............Amori Fati .......  it means "Love of fate..." - - -    I have had to operate by that many times.....Not that I was that crazy about my fate - - But that it was what it was....  and I could either face it and learn to embrace or I could run and hide.  One tact may be productive while the other choice is nothing but self destructive.......

[dominosarah]

Yes you are clean now.....i am sorry to hear about your mom too.  Hospice was so great with my dad and our family.  I think that is such a great organization.  They treat us and the patient with dignity and understanding.  My thoughts are with you and your mom..........sara

[10356]

I'm very glad you are clean now and so sorry for your mom. I was not clean when my mom passed from cancer.. in my honest opinion it made it that much harder to deal with the pain and the guilt of not being 100% in the now for her.. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.. warmly lesa

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

Thanks sweet heart.. I appreciate your words of wisdom...

I'm CLEAN now...

[dominosarah]

I lost my dad to cancer 3 yrs ago and i will tell you pills are not the answer.  I was using while he was sick and my addiction really spiraled after he passed away.  I lived with alot of guilt for a long time.  Feeling this does hurt and it goes right to your core but adding pills only makes it worse than it already is.  You are doing great and congrats on your clean time.  You will get thru this clean.  Keep venting.........sara