A women was cleaning the desk in her husband`s den. She opened the drawer and found an envelope with 3 soy beans and $30.00. She asked her husband about it and he answered,"I decided that whenever I had an affair, I would put a bean in the drawer to remind myself to never do it again." His wife then asked what the $30.00 was for. He said, "Well, when the beans got to $10.00 a bushel, I started selling them."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A ventriloquist was telling Polish jokes and a person in the audience took offense. He said, "I`m sick of all those jokes about Polish people." The ventriloquist answered, "Take it easy, they are just jokes." To which the man in the audience said, "Shut up, I wasn`t talking to you, I was talking to that little guy on your knee."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two men were walking along the rairoad tracks when one of them said, "This is the longest flight of stairs I have ever seen." "That doesn`t bother me" said the other, "as much as these low railings."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A policeman saw a car weaving on the highway and took chase. When he caught up to the car he saw the driver was a little old lady knitting. "Pull over, pull over," he shouted. "No" said the lady, "just a scarf".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------