case of the blahs

[Kova]

okay, i am day 5 off of methadone, but i took 8mg of suboxone a day for 3 days following.  so now i am day 2 off suboxone.  so far i feel physically okay.  maybe my methadone binge was not as bad as i thought, or maybe it just hasn't hit me yet.  does anyone know how long it would take for me to stop feeling the suboxone?  i am nervous that tomorrow i will feel like hell and i have to go to work.  my other thing is just plain boredom.  what did i used to do with myself before getting high?  not that i would sit around after using.  on the contrary, i would have much energy and motivation to work out, go hiking, play my bass.  anything i did felt great.  now i just don't have the desire to do any of those things.  everything just seems so blah.  most people on this site are going through physical pain of withdrawal, and i am tempted to use right now because i am just...bored????  seems so lame.  so easy for me to get my drug of choice(methadone) and it's free.  i guess i just need to keep busy.  i am beginning to think that this is the way life is all the time.  is everything always such a....i don't know, a chore?

[Kova]

actually, i do have a problem with depression but i have been on wellbutrin and it has helped a lot but i still get my bad days with or without using.  but i cannot even claim i am depressed, although i guess this is a milder form of depression, the blahs.  i know you are all right and this will get better with time.  this has always been my problem staying clean. but you are all correct.  i used to enjoy all of those things without using.  the drugs lie to us and make us feel like we need them to enjoy anything.

[Kova]

was thursday i got them and i was feeling REALLY bad which i think was the oxys that i did before the methadone kicked in.  so i was coming off of an oxy binge as well which i completely forgot about.  so no, i didn't taper.  i was very busy at work and i needed the sub to keep the oxy WD away.  so i finished my subs saturday night.  like i said, so far i feel okay.  i have been able to abuse methadone quite a bit with much less WD than any other opiate, that is why it has been my drug of choice.  i do know how bad mthadone wd can be, though.  and i really did think i overdid it this time and would have to pay.  but so far just this extreme boredom and restlessness and this feeling of "is this all there is to stay clean for?"

[liscamdave]

kova, that is the depression talking. Think back to before you started using. Did you complain of boredom then? We have tricked ourselves into think we need the pills to be happy, but you don't. Right now, your mind is not producing its on endorphines or dopamine. SO you feel sad and that only the pills will allow you to be productive. I used to think the same way. I was only happy when I was high. And I was more social, I only talked to my friends on the phone when iwas high. I would clean, cook big dinners, read, go for walks and go shopping. When I stopped, I didn't want to do anything but sit and think about all Icould be getting done if I had pills. It sucked and took a while for my natural desire to do everyday things came back. But it will, you'll see..

[bandnmom]

That is part of recovery. Learning how to do all the things we use to do but do them sober. It does take time but soon enough you will be enjoying all the things you love to do. Only it will be even better because you are clean!! Stay strong and best of luck to you!

[liscamdave]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the sub is still working. Its hald life is I think, 36 hours, or something like that. So, it may be delayed. But it may not be that bad. The mental aspect has tons to do with w.d. SO prepare youself and keep telling yourself it isn't that bad, and it may not be. DId you taper like I told you to on Fri?