Day 16

[watermom]

Just checking in. I  haven't been on much. I have been batteling the blues.  Physically, I am doing really well.  No more sweats....I get the occasion chills and I feel colder than usual but I can live with that.  The sweats are what got me.  I get the occasional weird bone sensation but not often.  I really think taking the aminos and vitamins are working as far as cravings etc..  

The blues and anxiety are still rearing their ugly head.  It is a roller coaster forsure.  It doesn't help that we are going though major financial issues...husband lost his business...losing the house etc.  Very sad and depressing.  I don't want to use though.  Doesn't even cross my mind.  The only thing that crosses my mind is that I wan't to feel happy again...and present. I am still feeling detached.  I don't want to see or talk to anyone.  When somebody calls me I get a sick feeling in my stomach.  Almost angry because I have to call them back. I want people to leave me alone.  My daughters 4th birthday party is this Sat and I am getting things ready for that.  The last 3 years I was so into it and all I can think about is how I want to get it over with....I don't want to socialize...I feel so guilty about that....she is so excited for her spongebob party.  

I have an appointment next week with a natureopathic doctor.  They do testing (urine) and send it away to a lab.  It determines what your lacking.  Well, I think I may do it...depending on the cost.  I would like to because it can be overwhelming trying to figure out what aminos and supplements to take.  Right before that I have an appt. with my doctor....he is pushing Celexa but I am trying to hold off as long as possible. (Not that I don't think people should take them...they are great for some people)  The aminos make sense to me.  I just don't want to try an anti depressant...wait 4 weeks to realize it isn't the right one....then try another. I feel like my neurotransmitters are messed up enough right now.  Plus, I think if I were to go on an Anti depressant Lexapro would be the better choice. But my doctor says "no, celexa"...Well, having done my research I know.  I have kaiser which is an HMO....Lexapro doesn't come in a generic brand so they want to go the cheapest route.  Well, the are my neurotransmitters and I don't want to be taking the wrong one for 1 -2 months because they are told to push one over the other.  Sorry to rant...just frustrated.....

Anyhoo....this is me at day 16......

[cathy5841]

days 16 is awesome.  you can expect some off days for awhile.  but you are doing great dont you ness that up..or i an seriously gonna kick your but.lol i was joking, but i really dont wanna see you mess up.  you are doing way to good fot that.
cathy

[Flutterby111]

Sweetie, I'm in the same boat as you!!!  Occasionally my legs ache...but anxiety is killing me in the late afternoon, early evening, just when I"m getting home from work and joining the family and the pressure's on to make a good dinner....I cry on most days...I shake a little while I'm feeling like my blood is boiling inside.  You are NOT alone.  I can understand the socializing oh too well also...although I can usually get myself into it if I try hard enough.  I'm sorry about the business...My husband just started his own...we are still renting a 2 bedroom-ick-and are trying to get out of debt....enough about me....it sounds to me like you are trying very hard to get your health in line and I'm so proud of you!!!!  I think that is just great!!! I'm waiting on the antidepressents (even though I think I could use them right now) to see if this depressed phase passes.  Let's hold hands and click our heels and chant "there's no place like home" in hopes of returning to the place we were before we started taking those evil opiates.....xoxoxo

My son's birthday is 1 month away-eeeeek

[VicUser]

Great job on 16 days, keep your chin up. There is not much I could say that would help, but we are here for you. There isn't much better in life than the smile of a child, I hope the party goes well and remember we'll be thinking of you.