6 months clean update and of course questions

[Pjtwenty]

I'm amazed I've made it this far and honestly have zero desire to turn back. I've had some temptations here and there but I've passed them.

My anxiety has been a lot better recently, ironically it has gotten better since my taper off of Zoloft. I'm down to 6.5 mg. Gonna jump real soon!  I'm starting to get motivation back too. I've been hitting the gym hard and trying to eat better. Hoping the eating better will stick. Lol

So my question to anyone that may have experienced it. I'll prefix it with I know it takes a good year or more to get "normal". But what I'm experiencing is a boredom feeling with a strange self awareness. Almost a foggy existence. Make sense?

Lastly anyone early in detox understand it is so worth it!!  I'm living again!  And feeling!  It's nice!  It's not easy but it's very doable.

[SunnysideUP27]

This post truly resonates with me. First off, congrats to you Pjtwenty! 6 months is quite an accomplishment. I am almost 18 months (in 12 days :)) but I still go thru the ups and downs. Its  so weird but it happens and many former addicts that I talk to have dealt with the same. The promising aspect is that there are more ups than downs. But when a down time happens, it could last 2 days, usually no longer than a week, it is so hard to justify. If I am having a bad day or two it is hard to look back and get motivated. I keep thinking that I am so far into this I should feel up and happy everyday, but that is not life. But I see things can get even better so that is the goal that I work towards.  We just have to keep looking at the progress and keep pushing forward. Congrats again to you and keep fighting the good fight! God Bless SUnny

[Pjtwenty]

Wow!
Thanks everyone for the awesome input!  I really feel blessed knowing there are others here to help.

[brandiroars386]

I am so proud of you!!! 6 months!  I can't wait to say that. I have 43 days off of suboxone  and still going through some things.  Your outlook on your new life is refreshing!!!!  Thank you!

[EvolverU]

Way to go brandiroars386! All power to you. It's definitely no cakewalk but I know that if you approach this positively & w/ care & patience (w/ yourself most of all!) that you'll stick w/ it & be SO glad you did. I'm happy to have helped some & really glad you're with us on MH. Hang in there!

Sorry, J. Don't mean to Hi-jack your thread! (just statuses -- big smile to you.)

[brandiroars386]

Thank you so much for this post! It was very helpful to hear you describe changing your life and looking at things in a whole new way.  I have felt like I don't know who I am supposed to be now... I can't be the before opiate person, I will not be the opiate user and now its hard to be the after opiate person when you don't know exactly who that is. That lifestyle forever changed me, but I look forward to figuring it out!!

[EvolverU]

Hey there J! First, A Mighty, Mighty Hurrah to you on all your hard work & getting through the particular difficulties you have!! My hat is off to you.

What you describe is what I call 'Low Ebb/Low Fire'. Many of us here are experiencing it. Even a friend of mind who never had any real cravings & is at a year & several months experienced it. I can't tell you if it's strictly neural or a subconscious expectation/'missing' of the 'energy' that opiates provided us or both. I suspect both. I DO know that exercise seems to help many (that would point to the neural aspect.) I also know w/ absolute certainty that for me, dropping the opiates was only part of the battle & that changing your actual life -- the things we're interested in, how we relate to others & how we look at things -- what gives us 'pleasure'/reassurance must be totally reworked/transformed. It's not just about staying away from bad influences & drugs but looking at & accepting things in a whole new way.

I've found that it's getting a little better at 10.5 mos. I've survived & made some unsettling changes. I find I'm having a lot more good days & that optimism is returning along w/ some of my old passion. It tends to go in cycles. The 'clarity' you mention is a blessing, btw.! It's there so that you can make these necessary changes.

I guarantee nothing (we should never!) but I can tell you I stand next to you -- shoulder -to-shoulder in solidarity & that we're all in this together. I ask myself what I've learned & how I've 'adjusted' my game plan w/ each trial that I pass. That's really helped. In the meantime, learning patience & acceptance have been HUGE for me & reinforced my Faith in myself & the ultimate goodness of the creative force.

All the best to you, my friend -- I'm so proud of you -- proud of us all!!

[Kbusymom]

Congrats on the 6 mos and thanks for the encouragement for those of us still suffering.  I never want to go through this **** again; I have to remember this pain and all the unmanageability the pills brought to my life.
So happy you are LIVING again!!!

[OP8fool]

Oh... and yes....   The 6 month feeling is normal.  Keep in mind that it is a WONDERFUL stage as you are beginning to see yourself and life again.  There are also different stages in age that cause different reflections so without knowing your age I cant answer that part, but IMO you are transitioning into yourself again. Let the "boredom" happen.  I think you are actually seeing yourself again.  Be bored!  Whoever said being bored is a bad thing was wrong.  I think your mind is actually quiet again and that is what you are feeling.  Enjoy the quietness, learn and grow.   And don't ever go back to where you were.  Never forget the sadness and pain that opiates brought you.  Great job.   (Sorry I did not address the 6 month stage in my earlier reply).   Push on PJtwenty!  Bravo!

[OpenMind24hours]

Congrats on 6 months! Keep on keeping on!!

[ImDONENoMore]

This sounds similar to the depersonalization/derealization period I went through right around the same time that you're at right now.  Check out both online and you'll find a lot of information.  Apparently, this can happen after we go through detox and enter early recovery.

Congrats on the 6 months!!  Oh, and the symptoms resulting from this period did eventually fade and go away completely, and I'm sure they will for you too!

[OP8fool]

Great job PJtwenty!
Keep up the great work and never...EVER forget how you felt on day 3...and 5....and 7 of WD's!   Please never go back!

Great job and we are all very proud!

OpiateFool

[Whollymolythathurt]

PJ congrats on 6 mos.  Thats great!  Cannot help you with your question but when i get there maybe you can help me.  :)