9 Months Today!!

[Andie015]

Hi everyone!! I'm proud to say today is my 9 month anniversary. My husband just asked me if I ever thought I would be sober for this long...I absolutely never thought I could be sober for even a solid week. I recall those very dark days and it sends a shiver down my spine to even contemplate going back to that.  I have seen many people on here lately on their first few days...and I can literally feel their anguish...I remember those feelings so well and I wish I had some magic words to help these people because its a very low and dark place to be. All I CAN say is the rewards are completely worth what you are going through...the feeling of not counting pills like you have OCD, trying to find a doctor or a dealer in time to beat withdrawals, not being able to function at all with out a substance in your body...this ALL goes away. You're just happy with life again, and you are you again. It's just an awesome feeling of relief on a daily basis.  One thing I have noticed, very recently, is the deep love and affection I have for my kids... I feel like a terrible person saying this but pills absolutely numbed my emotions so much for so long. I have always loved my kids, obviously, but now I feel it was sort of generic. I want everyday to make up for being so absent with them and in their most formative years. I have heard that it takes a year for your brain to really start healing...and I really feel that's what's starting to happen. I am truly returning to who I was...I am getting ME back and feeling real emotions again and it feels wonderful. I am just really struggling with what I put my kids and husband through. That wasn't me, that was pills and I have very deep regret the more it becomes clear to me. I am just so amazed at how I really can feel the difference as my brain is really healing now. Sorry for the length, just something that's been on my mind that no one else around me would understand. Thanks for reading!!!

[toothfairie]

Congrats on 9 months Andie!!  i am right behind you by about 2 wks....it truly is so much better!  We all have regrets but we have to move forward and live life to the fullest for ourselves and our families!!  way to go girl....you wear your clean time well!!  :)  

[dominosarah]

I am so proud of you Andie.  Your honesty and strength is so refreshing.  I know the regrets you are speaking of and i am here to tell you that there is not one thing you can do about the past,  All you can do now is make sure you dont go back and repeat it,  You are experiencing the joys with your babies now and that is what is important.  The older they get the more you need to be on your toes as this is a big crazy world and kids need their momma to be there for them both in body and mind.  Your relationship with your husband is growing also.  I have a feeling he is very happy to have his wife back.   Congrats my friend on 9 months clean~sara

[ariley13]

Congratulations!! 9 months is amazing! Keep pushing forward and never look back. Here's to many more months, and soon years clean and sober!

[nursegirl6572]

Congrats!  That's amazing!  You have such a gentle and honest way about you, your personality shines through in your posts...that doesn't happen with everyone.

Do something nice for yourself and be very proud!  That's an amazing accomplishment!

[EvolverU]

Thank you so much for your inspiring post, Andie. I want to offer you a heartfelt 'WELL DONE' on your impressive 9 mos. I related to so many things you said: about never believing you could be clean, past regrets & about rediscovering powerful new emotions (including love.) You've infused me with optimism this morning @ a time that I really need it. Thank you so much for sharing your marker with us. May you have a joyous day & may your hard work continue to yield you spiritual dividends in the months & years to come!

[littlebit667]

awesome post!  Congrats, congrats, congrats! May each day be better than the last.