Addiction Vet Caught in the Tramodol crossfire

[dbella1763]

I'm 47 years old and have used and abused everything since I was about 10 years old.  I would get pissy when someone asked me what my drug of choice was and I would replay "more".  It got really bad, to the point where I was looking at myself and having to choose to live or to die- I am a graduate of 5 rehabs and just about as many halfway houses.  I'm lucky to be alive and I have a great husband (who isn't in recovery) and a beautiful 6 year old daughter.

After all of this and kicking the worst of it in 2007, here I am taking approximately 1000mg of tramodol?  What the hell?  I have asked and looked and NO ONE (in the MD community) seems to know the dangers of this drug.  My husband had a headache once and took one and was so happy and energetic he calls them "energy pills".  Sound familiar?  Some of us just get the "adverse reaction" gene and if we don't stay on top of it and get real, something like Ultram (just the fancy name for tramodol - I know you all know this, but just in case) gets in through the back door.

I dislike reading "glory day" stories, but I'll only say this....I have lived through kicking heroin and trying to kick f'ing (sorry, so sorry, but I'm so mad) is more painful.  Diarrhea, muscle cramps, that panicky kind of anxiety that makes you want to drive your car into a tree at 95 miles per hour.  This is so terrible and I felt so embarrassed and ashamed until I found this place here where I knew I would be accepted and understood.  

I lost my RN license because of my addictions and almost my life and now this?  My husband knows everything and we are both terrified because the usage is so that I spend a LOT of money buying them (I refuse to say how - it doesn't matter and that is not why we are here).  I'm scared and I'm going to try and tritrate down, but don't know where to begin.  I have 50mg tabs.  Usually 8 in the morning, 8 in the afternoon and 4 around bedtime.  Lately I've been waking up with those horrible muscle spasms in my thighs and I look at my little girl sleeping and I know I have to do this or everything I hold dear in my life will be gone.

I really like the person who suggested we look at it as a war - fear can be a great motivator, but rage gets things done.  I don't want pity - I don't want to die and I don't wany to lose my family.  We are a good little family.  But truth?  I am scared - so can someone just say hello and even if it's a lie - tell me it will be okay.  I'm really grateful to be here.

[dominosarah]

Hi and welcome to the forum~~

I am not going to lie to you, it will be okay.  The road will be a long one as you need to taper down but you can and will get your life back.  We have some girls here who have successfully come off tramadol and they have a wealth of knowledge.  I will go and hunt them down!  I know you are scared but sit back, take a deep breath and know we are here for you~~~sara

[ImDONENoMore]

Okay I'll say it - it will be okay.  And believe it or not, it's not a lie.

It's only NOT okay when you're on the tram - believe me I know.  Everything becomes distorted and fear and anxiety take over.  For a while.  And then it ends and the battle with tramadol is over.

I promise you life is a hell of a lot better OFF than on this poison.  And congrats to you for taking your hits and knowing you have to get off this crap.  Welcome and we'll be here for you - there are a LOT of tramadol sufferers here you'll find that out soon enough.  Check out Emily Post's threads - that will help you to make sense out of the senseless world tramadol puts us in.

Good luck to you - and again, WELCOME.