Addiction to pain meds

[TeleVision]

a little history, i got assaulted in mexico by about 4 guys and got the **** kicked out of me. never went to the doctor, was a tough teenager. now years later i get in a horrible car accident im lucky to survive and my back has never been the same since.
  so my doctor's think since im so young (22) that i shouldnt have strong pain killers. i finally got my doc to give me Norco 10/325 (Hydrocodone/apap) and Soma 350mg. this worked ok for a while but now i finish my months supply in 2 weeks so i went to him and asked to be put on something stronger like percocet but he basically laughed and said i was on something plenty strong.
  well so i took things into my own hands and now i am on a variety of very strong pain meds unregulated by a doctor. i take OxyContin 80mg, MS Contin 100mg, dilaudid 8 mg, and also get things sent imported to me like pentazocine, codiene phosphate, and morphine. i know i am very addicted now and things have gotten out of control. i mix and match pills for combination reations; i really dont know what to do. i dont shoot up, this all comes from wanting to control my pain but unlimited access to drugs is an easy way for things to go out of control. i really am just venting, i dont want to go on methadone, i just wish my doc would have helped me before i got to this situation. well theres my story.

[oh please already]

wow after reading my last post i realize how much i need to proofread and learn to go back a page to do it. and also my a key seem to be sticking quite a bit-sorry   i swear i wasnt trippig    LOL  -oh and my n key too.  I think I need one of those little vacume thing-ies also- Ill go to k-mart tomorow I swear and never never again leave a big gulp on my desk for 2 days until the bottom disolves ans drips sticky stuff every where ( I dont think that help much either) oh well what ya gonna do-but I must say my spelling is improving nicely-dont you all think?Is 3 in the morning and im in a silly mood-so I will go read a book-Did anyone here ever read Lewis Grizzard- hes a southern colomist(WAS) who's laugh out loud funny- I was once on a subway reading "shoot low boys,their riding sheatland ponies "and laughed so hard everyone moved away and here in new york- it takes alot to be deemed strange but it could of been my tatooes also     :)     ,    laura

[oh please already]

you have been on my mind and i do not know if you r going to like what i have been thinking,but here we are honest and I am not trying to flame you,embarrass you or hurt you- I only wish to help.After begin on this forum for the last few months,I have come to belive that I am among the leadeing users,No 3-10 darvocet or percocet for me.I was taking betwwen 400-800 mg of oxycotin as well as other odd drugs in a day,and in trith in only a few hours because i would take most after my daughter was in bed so she wouldnt see me wasted,so it was really 3-4 during the day then 8-14 at night of the 40 mg tabs.I thought i was resting but i was nodding off(just like a herion addict with a needle in my arm)and I liked it ALOT untill I relized What it really was.You say you take 80 mg oxy,ms and a **** load of some of the highest pain meds-and u are 22 and after a mri your MD was relectant to give you more?He saved your life,u just dont know it yet.Dont you ask yourself why? Nothing documented shows cause of such  major pain>I am not saying that your pain is not real,I do believe you,but people with bone cancer,get by with a lot less.You say u dont want to lose your current doc because u cant afford to lose your supply-no offense man ,but its your head,your mind- you would need to take your whole script to equal 3 oxy 80 mgs, and your right- the tylenol will kill you and the thing about tylenol is that is a delay reaction thing-it doesnt happen today,when u start to notice trouble its already too late,you need a kidney and liver transplant-its the only treatment for major of chronic tylenal overdose- SO stop it now.and you tell of all the downers you have and justify there use also-ans jet no md is willing to help and you say its because its your age-it doesnt sound right to me-You need to start begin truthful-start here-noone will attack u-we have all been there when we felt the need to control the pain and all gone to amasing limits to do it-BUT and this is the but which will either save you or doom you-you need to admit that a big and i mean BIG part of your trouble is your head or you will die.It doesnt mean to say that it was your fault-sometime your mind makes you do things you dont understand,and you have a reason for doing something ,but that is not the same as a excuse for doing it.As i get it together,and i am still a far far far way off,I can not believe how much i physologically need these pills-the physical withdrawl is nothing next to the mental-the thought of losing the mental bandaid i had found to cope with the terror and pain in my life was nothing to the idea of withdrawl and I say Idea because Im still taking meds-but not at an insane amount-I coulnt kick it out from where I was so Im working on a path that will lead me there with the minimal amount of suffering-Why sould I suffer,i was sick-but its the treatment that got me there because I started to self medicate and justify that the meds werent working,and they werent- i had pain-except the pain was on the inside,in my head and heart -the pills dont stop that pain BUT THEY DO MAKE IT FORGETABLE, the only trouble is they make life forgetable too-you forget everything but the pills,and then you forget to live and if your not lucky,one day youll forget to breath and then youll be dead .Get off now-if i can ,you can I promise and do you know what,as the numbness fades-the colors come back and things that you forgot were good are better,somethings still suck,but things sucked even when u were high but now I am begining to have control over changing the things that suck,instead of hating myself as i slipped into another nod,I can think of better things then spending all my time worring where the next pill will come.I will tell you,some of the people you ask for help will be asses,For me most were but I found alot who werent and it was enough-because it has to be I dont want to forget to breath.I dont think you do either,or u wouldnt have come here-so be honest with yourself only if thats all you can bear-its ok-Ive been there too but know no one can truly help you until you are. If i spoke out of turn I am sorry but you reminded me of me,I know the horrors and the fear when you keep reading how hard it is to quit a little and say **** man how the hell am i going to do it then?but you will and I will  one step at a time just like everyone else         laura-

[oh please already]

hey tex/tracy  is that your web site i keep trying to join? sorry i gave you the wrong spelling of my privte adress i re-sent it. small world isnt it?  its an ok day, long ,the kind that the more u do the more needs to be done,like - u clean a speck on the wall ,the rest looks dirtier so u clean  that then u notice the chair is dirty,get down to clean that and see how dirty the floor is ,then notice the rugs and so on and on.  laura

[tex3]

Hi Me/Laura! I am so proud of you. You've really come far in the past few weeks. You're doing great, for yourself, for your precious daughter. I know you love your husband and only the two of you truly know what is going on in your marriage. THAT SAID, is he even trying to quit, or just giving you a hard time? I know he supports you financially but that isn't worth a dime when he brings you down in other ways, ways that are damaging to your very soul. Have you thought of getting out of that situation? Moving on? It's so tough, I know, with a baby, but many, many women do it.

I left my husband in January, as our relationship had become very destructive (although he has never used drugs and I admit now that a lot of it was my own fault). My leaving made him realize many things, though, and opened the door to us starting over again. We've done so and while things are far from perfect, we're working on it and better than we've been in 12 years of marriage.

Obviously our situations are very different. But the picking, the teasing, the put-downs -- I dealt with all that. If it had kept on, I would have said go to hell and don't come back. I gave him another chance (after I'd left and he realized what he was losing) and it worked. That was us. Just the act of leaving gave me tremendous strength. You already have a lot of strength, to have come this far. Think through your options and know we are all here for you, no matter what. Don't let him bring you down (I can tell that you're not). Let me know how you're doing please.

[OxyDout]

Irish Rose - you only had good intentions, I will be candid and tell everyone that, I personally don't find it necessary for others to make comments on suggestions of sending meds and what not HOWEVER, YOU COULDN'T HAVE BEEN ANYMORE RIGHT, I just don't think this is the place to tell people what is ok, and what isn't, you know? so again, I do agree with you 100% as far as sending meds goes. Its not the right thing, but hey........you know? In anycase, you and skip have been the core of this forum, the heart and soul, i would do anything for either of you, i'm telling you this because i don't want you to take offense to what i have said.  YOU REALLY MEAN THE WORLD TO MANY PEOPLE WITHIN THE FORUM, so Thank you for being here, and for being who you are.

Hinkster - I hope your not leaving due to what people have said, I don't think that is the case, I think its just your time to take off for a bit, i get that, I know how you feel, so I wish you the best of luck, stay strong, stay positive and keep your head held hi, god bless you.

Groovy, how did the party go sat?? my girlfriend had her graduation ceremony in the sleet/snow/rain, YUCK!!  I feel so terribly that you have carpal tunnel syndrome, are you ok?? let me know how you are feeling.  I know I have said this before, but I can't tell you how much of an inspiration you have been to me, you have been like a mother figure to me, (your not old enough, haha) but you have, you have shown me the difference in lifestyles, your experience and maturity has shown me what can happen and what I can do to help it, or what not to do in order to stay sober.  I especialy appreciate all your efforts on keeping me honest.  please write to me and let me know how you are.

Dive, please email me

[tex3]

Hi Shiba. As you can see it's hard to start a new topic here, so I hope you're still reading and see this.

You're about on the dose I was. Are you taking anything else at all? That's important, so please post it if you are. There's a "recipe" that will help with the withdrawals.

I hope you're hanging in there. If you made it past the third day, you will find that things get better each day. You still have a long road, but if you took that first step you're on your way. Hang tough and we will help you. I quite six weeks ago. The WDs stop after the first week, really, but you will deal with a lack of energy, depression, some other ugly stuff, but nothing as bad as that first week, I promise :).

Please update as to how you are doing. You can email me personally if you like, at ***@****. Hope to help you out.