This is not a question. I only have time for a short note now, but I'm going to read this forum every day in search of knowledge and in the hope that I may be able to help someone deal with addiction. Last month, my son, aged 27, died of a methadone overdose. I think this forum could have helped him, because he was unwilling to go to meetings or get a sponsor because he knew a lot of people in this area, and was afraid his struggles with addiction would screw up his pending DUI diversion so that he would lose his license and go to jail.
When you are recovering, your tolerance goes down, and if you relapse, the likelihood of an OD from miscalculating the dose increases. My son had three of them in a 6-month period, and we were able to get help in time to save him after he had stopped breathing. The fourth (and last) time, he was either alone or with someone (probably a dealer) who panicked and drove him to the hospital instead of calling 911, and he didn't make it.
No matter what your circumstances are, believe me, there are plenty of people who will be devastated if you die this way. Anything, even spending the rest of your life on methadone maintenance, is better than that.