Almost :( made it to the end of the month :(

[desperado57]

Some of you may remember that I am addicted to benzos, in particular - Klonopin.  My plan at the beginning of October was to simply use my generously prescribed Klono (2.5mg/day, in five doses) as prescribed.  I stupidly assumed that I could do that, and my plan for November was to taper down by .5/mg per day, and in December by 1 mg/day......Of course, if I found that my proposed cuts were too large, I would add back in .25 mg. or .125 mg. or whatever, but because of Klono's long half-life, I was sure I could do this.

Now, about a week before I can refill the Klono, I am short 11 pills.  DAM*!!  DAM*!!  DAM*!!  I was SO motivated when I refilled this current script, and my failure to make it through to the next refill has me questioning whether I can do this pathetically small thing for myself at all!!!!

Naturally, I can tell you that there was a lot going on this month....I won't even go into these "extenuating issues" because there are always extenuating circumstances, aren't there????

I read the HEROIC stories that so many others post and know that in comparison, what I'M attempting hardly bears telling.  And yet, here I sit, tears streaming down, feeling pathetic, and yes, sorry for myself. DAM*!!

When I tell you that I have weathered some very turbulent storms over the years and came out the other side enjoying the sunshine, believe me, I have.  Going waaaaaay back to when I was a young teen....

My intellectual instinct tells me that my failure is because I am addicted - I am an addict - but my practical side tells me that this is ridiculous!!  I AM a strong person, dam* it all!!

ANY insight/input is appreciated.  And, I thank you all for bearing with me through my pity-party.

My best wishes for good health and peace to all....
x

[desperado57]

Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement, and wise advice.

I have decided that I can certainly get through the next six days with the Klonopin that I have left.  If I have to endure a measure of discomfort, so be it.  As long as I know that there is SOME of the benzo in my system, and that I will not go into a seizure or something as drastic as that, I know that I will be alright.

Even moving down to three .5mg pills per day will keep my system steady, although I know I may feel discomfort.

ZJILLIAN:  I am very grateful to you for your offer of help when I do get to the point of withdrawing completely. :)

I need to think very deeply about whether I want to involve my psychiatrist in this or not.  I am NOT in a position right now to handle a major change in my med schedule.

In addition to the anxiety which prompted the benzo use, I am dealing with degenerative, diffuse osteoarthritis throughout my body which likely will progress to the point where not only am I disabled, I will be non-ambulatory (as so bluntly put to me today by my rheumatologist).  In addition, I have fibromyalgia.  Six months ago, I was working full time, and then POOF, one day, my physical body just gave out.  I am 52 years YOUNG, and it's a very difficult thing for me to wrap my mind around.

Sounds like an excuse, but it really isn't.  I am still committed to w/ding from the benzos, but I can't rock the boat with the other health issues.

Again, thank you all............you are the best!

[ZJILLIAN]

I have withdrawn from klonopin twice (purely klonopin withdrawal) ( three times if you count a multi use cross-addicted withdrawal from narcotics, alcohol, and benzos)

Now First. Stop beating yourself up! and Second: You are not going through something small, easy, or easier than a narcotic wd. A klonopin WD is terrifying. It is not the sickness of narcotics but a terrible suffering of mind (nervous system). I have heard that in prison they say it is the toughest wd. The feeling for me was one of fragmenting, losing my mind, going crazy. And terror! So please understand why you are having a hard time.

Now if you are serious about getting off klonopin and you do not have enough pills to taper with, I would speak with a doctor. I would suggest that you look for a doctor who understands benzo withdrawal. That would most likely be a psychiatrist or drug counselor working with a prescribing physician. Ask him/her to set up a schedule for you and supervise the withdrawal.

Please go to a doctor for help with this. It is not a small thing. It is a very difficult and big thing. Keep posting, Keep reading the posting of others. You really are doing great. I used to give up repeatedly. Also when you finally get down to the WD please let me know. I know lots of techniques that can make it easier.

[Michiganguy328]

Please please please seek out an adictionologist as soon as possible.  Getting off the Klon is serious business and could cause harm if not done right (so I learned at the treatment center).  An adictionologist can give you the scripts and support you need.  I was in the same boat as you just a month ago.  PAWS and withdrawls *****, but I'm a zillion times better than I was just 40 days ago.  Good luck!!!

[Brokenbutglued]

the only thing you can do is to pick yourself back up and try again. my heart goes out to you, don't give up. maybe you need a little extra help? can you tell your doctor what you are going through so he/she can help you too? family? friends? maybe attend a NA meeting, if for nothing else but insight from others? *hugs* you CAN do this. it's OK to ask for help :)

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

Hey sweetie, I'm not sure what Klonopin is but if I remember correctly Stevie Nicks WAS addicted to it.. (reference: Chris Issak show).. and she's Clean now.. So with that said... I KNOW you can DO THIS!  

Please keep posting as this site will give you some encouragement and we all REALLY CARE ABOUT YOU!