Always hardest at the end?

[OxyHeaven]

I have tapered down to one oxy and one hydro a day.  One a day.  Half of the oxy in the early morning hours when I wake up in misery at 4 am, Half a hydro about noon, half a hydro about 6 pm, and half an oxy when I go to bed.  Sometimes I take a quarter and see if it works.  

I think I wont ever be able to get off these last pills.  I rationalize with myself every step of the way, one pill can't hurt the baby, the baby can't get addicted to just one pill a day.  Then I take it, and I spend the rest of the day beating myself up at how weak I am.  I have 9 months to get off the last one little pill.  Okay, 8 months.  Can I taper the last little itty bitty pill in 8 months for crying out loud?!?

I hate oxycontin and hydrocodone.  There is nothing in my life I cannot control but these stupid little yellow pills.  Is it possible to taper in such a way that I do not notice it?  I have not found it yet.  

[graceamongyou]

I just wanted to come back in and clarify my above post.  Without getting too technical about it, when I say that elevated levels of stress hormones in a gestating woman can damage a fetus's brain, I don't mean acute or severe brain damage.  I mean subtle changes to certain areas of the brain that can or may effect how the eventual child processes and reacts to stress stimulus throughout his or her life.

[graceamongyou]

Oh hon, you are SO close to being drug free for the remainder of your pregnancy.  I know you are scared but you can totally do this.  You can.  At this point, it's probably more psychological than anything (not to discount any physical discomfort you are in, but it sounds like you've already tapered significantly) and I think you are making 100% the right decision to taper and then stop altogether. You say you feel guilty and think about pills all day.  Just think, once you stop completely, you have a blissful nine full months completely guilt-free.  No more researching possible bad effects on the fetus, no more obsessing, etc.  You know what one of the really bad things is for a developing fetus (now we ARE getting into my field, as opposed to other times when I just pretend to be an expert, haha)?  Stress hormones released by the mother.  This is a nascent field of research, really hot right now, and they're finding that pregnant women who are releasing elevated levels of stress hormones can actually damage a fetus's brain.  Of course with you, nothing is crossing the placenta yet, so you can nip anything like that in the bud.

I really feel for you, you are in a difficult position, but I can also tell from your posts that you know, deep down, the right thing to do AND that you have the strength to do it.  Make the choice that won't wrack you with guilt.

Oh, and finally, yes, you should and can taper super-slowly by even shaving bits off pills, day by day.

[OxyHeaven]

I wont taper too fast, that is the least of your worries!!!!!  I might not be able to taper at all ........  

[GA Guy]

Yes, Tennessee fans drive down to Athens a lot because we now own them :) Kinda like Florida owns us :(...Please, don't taper too quickly..and if possible, save a dose for late night. The sleep deprivation was always my worst enemy.

[OxyHeaven]

I thought of calling my children's pediatrician and going in to talk to her.  It would probably be a good idea and I will do that next week.

What I started doing yesterday was this:  Allowing myself to take 2 norcos a day, so 4 halfs.  That was one half every 4 hours.  So I did that yesterday, but thought myself into oblivion about the oxy's being schedule b, which means they have tested it and it shows no effects of the fetus, versus the norcos which are schedule c, which means they don't know.  Most people assume vicodin is safe and drs prescribe it all the time in pregnancy.  But I had this little habit, for legitmate pain mind you but it is still a habit, before I got pregnant and if I keep taking the pills then I will have taken them the whole pregnancy and those are the most likely babies to have a slight addiction at birth.  

So I am doing 4 halfs a day, half every 4 hours.  I will see where that takes me, and I will cut one half down in a couple of days and so on.  In a couple weeks I should be off completely.  I hope.  Tapering has been hard though, but it is mostly mental.  The little voice is in my head telling me "vicodin is safe during pregnancy, your dr. told you it was, they prescribe it all the time."  :)

Go DAWGS!  I can't believe how big college ball is down there.  I'd see those Vols fans driving down I-75 for the games, cracked me up!!!

[GA Guy]

I did live in Georgia..near Athens..Go Dawgs!! Live in Charleston now. God why didn't I go somewhere cooler!! By the way..please don't disappear on me. Let me know when you decide on a treatment. The people on here will figure something out!! Find a great pediatrician..it may be very beneficial!!