Amphetamine Abuse - Brain And Neuro Damage

[Peeli2]

I'm 18, and currently diagnosed with multiple disorders including bipolar depression, ADD, severe anxiety, OCD, FPP. My conditions were just diagnosed this year although I've had them for nearly all my life.  As someone with bipolar disorder, like everyone else with my condition I've been through some (others would say a lot of) drug abuse.

First it started with alcohol, then it moved onto stealing my dad's painkillers, then weed, acid, molly, and most recently snorting perc D-Amphetamine. I wasn't one to take my habits seriously (although I did not do these drugs often besides weed which was nearly every day over the summer) until I went through an opiate OD during the summer which has still been kept secret from my family (along with most all of the drugs I've listed). So really I hadn't done anything dangerous for a while until Fall came back around which sent me into a downward spiral of depressive loneliness and lack of interest or enjoyment from anything.

So, collapsing under desperation I decided to snort (yes, this was just an every day thought) some of my brother's amphetamine which he uses for actual medical purposes. The first time I did it was maybe 35 mg? I didn't feel it at all until later in the night when the rush began. It was quite awakening at the time, but I did this pretty late into the night. Late enough that it kept me up until about 11 am. Which also meant I had to experience the comedown and exhaustion not to mention chemical imbalanced caused by the substance. After that I hadn't considered doing it again for a while.

One day when school came around I decided to try the slow release 25 mg capsule. This time, I had planned to try and see the medicinal side of the substance which was alright until I had the bright idea of "hey I'm feeling pretty good, how about I do a 'small line'". Well that lead to another line, and another, and another, until I had reached about 45 mg by the end of the night in total (including the capsule). During this time I spent longboarding out in the city for pretty much the entire night for hours on end until I was weak and exhausted. Fun, yes.. Healthy, absolutely not.

The third time and last time I tried this was a couple weeks later (yesterday actually). This occasion came to exist because of some awful family disputes that pretty much ended in me sectioning myself off emotionally from everyone. I told myself this is my day, and I'm going to do whatever I want, and did a full 25 mg line mid day, later, another 10, later another 5, 5, 10, then I lost count. If I was to go on best bet I'd say I snorted close to 50 some MG of D-Amphetamine. After having the worst comedown I've ever had with the usual reported disconnect with the present, disturbed thought process, paranoia, narcissism, the works.

After having 3 hours of sleep I'm exhausted and paranoid after having done some research on the true effects of long term amphetamine use. I was shocked to hear how bad it can actually get with sleep exhaustion, brain, dopamine, serotonin and stimulant-induced psychosis.  It scared me... Of course being the anxious person that I am, I immediately snapped onto the possible reality that I really messed up because of the high doses I used for an immature body such as myself (I weigh 127, 5'9, yes I am underweight). These "highs" I've been doing have been spaced out about a week from each other, but it still leaves me with anxiety of questioning if I really messed something up there whether that be chemical exhaustion of what have you... Any thoughts?

It's just been a day, but I'm still curious... I also came to the conclusion that I don't want to do any more of that ****. The sinister aura and physical comebacks that surround amphetamine whether it's meth or pharmaceutical are not worth it.

[VICourageous]

Hello & Welcome Peeli2.

There are many reasons why one can become Addicted to substances, from Genes, environment, social anxiety, tolerance, mental disorders and so fourth, but in your case I think it is all about those mental illnesses you have. NOW I am no Dr but I have been studying Addiction and the map of the Brain for over 4 yrs now, and just read all about these mental disorders and using substances to feel better. Have you ever talked with a specialist? From all my reading & research, they all say that we must address those deep underlying issues here. Are you taking your meds for your mental disorders? I also have been reading these 2 books that talk about these type of disorders and how they lay on the Frontal Lobe of the Brain. Eating Healthy is SO important, as is exercise, fresh air, water, and a bit of sun.

There are TONS of substances out here that change the chemical makeup of the Brain. They do change our dopamine levels, serotonin, endorphin, and the list goes on. All of these Brain chems highly affect our Body as well, as we know this is all intertwined. Addiction, is yet another Brain disorder and progressive one at that. It does affect us Mentally, Physically and Spiritually. This is why it takes SUPPORT to help arrest this disease. Plz seek out for Support and be Honest all the way. There is no shame in having this disease, as it is just like other ones that we need help on. I have also read so much about how some of these mental disorders can be healed by our own life style changes. YOU are WAY to young to keep going down this road. Maybe it was the using of drugs & booze that caused you to get these disorders, as this can happen. Like I said, I am NO DR, but I was nursing for yrs & yrs and now I am in my 60s. I started using and boozing at the age 12-13, even if I could stop and walk away here & there, I still got real hooked on the opiates in the later 90s that lead to me Snorting Methadone with Adderral, (do not have adhd got the ad from the streets) and I took a benzo to come down. I will say that I can really tell by my whacked out emotions here & there that I did do some Brain changes and it has been a lil over 4yrs and I am still coming around, however, age and my health is one of these reasons too, but the longer you go on the harder it is to bounce back!!!!! The disease of addiction can mess with that Pleasure part of the Brain (Mid-Brain) at any given moment and the memories will recall that pleasure again & again for drug seeking and triggers can happen along the way.. This is why we push Aftercare for our disease. People, Places and Things like old stopping grounds have to change. There are TONS of changes that will have to be made. I sure do Hope & Pray that YOU seek Help & get that Support before you get any older. Life will go bye in a blink of a eye, so why not get the best Joy out of Life by being clean & sober. Life will always have them ups & downs, as we will feel pain and hurt, but it is way better to deal with these situations clean. There is a book that I would like you to pick up if you want, and it is called "Healing the Broken Brain, by Elden M Chalmers Ph.D and also Proof Positive. I can focus and remember this information better now then I did when I used or drank.
YOU have alot going on for your age and HELP is out here. I will send a Prayer out to you and I wish you all the best that Life has to offer. God be with!!!
PS..We NEVER know what they are cutting these drugs with these days too!!!! Be safe! Just say NO!
Vickie