CHANCES OF RELAPSE

[passenbyhubby]

I usually go by passenby but I'm away now for my CT trip.I'm on my 5th day. Everything is about like everyone said it would be but less terrifying than what I imagined.I started using vicodins 19mos ago after my son died. He was 25 and it was a shock and a pain I had never felt before. I had vicodins for headache for years never did I abuse them. I used them for a headaches and found they help numb the pain in my heart. my dose climb to 6to8 a day.I thought it was time to stop only to find out I couldn't, I was hooked. My questions. Am I just has likely to have a relapse as anyone that has struggle with this for many years? Will I never be able to take vicodin again for what it was prescribed for? My depression is bad It has always been.Have I delayed my grieving? The last couple of days I have strongly remember why it all began? I need to know about my chance of relapse under these circumstances.

[mrmichael67]

Actually, everyone can get takehomes.

[passenbyhubby]

Thank you for your condolences and prayers. You ask me how I felt about heaven. well normally I wouldn't post this story I don't think to many people like you talking about GOD but since I posted this question I think I'll tell it.I almost lost Jeremy about three times before this. Once he was beaten so badly and left in the snow to die but someone he knew found him and brought him home to me.another time he was drunk and he plowed in to the back of a car going about 45mpr. he had passed out at the wheel. That time they flew him by helocopper to a near by hospital.Then right after I had surgery on my shoulder about the 1st of Aug he had taken so much drugs he was found on the side of a highway.Jeremy was raised in church and to believe in the love of GOD but at this time he wasn't sure anymore he had tried and tried to stop the drugs,vicodin was his DOC and he just couldn't stop this I didn't understand I thought if you put your mind to it you could do anything.I left the next day with my mother just to get away from all the trouble and my shoulder was giving me fits. It was his 25th birthday the first time in his life I had never been with him on that day. Needless to say he was upset and so was I. I prayed for him that day like I had never prayed before and I told God that day if he would just give my son a chance to get things straight with him and believe again and then if he wanted to take I would make myself live with it and be thankful he made his peace.well three weeks later another incident with drugs and this time he came to me crying saying he needed help we had a long talk and he went into rehab he was happier than I had ever heard him when he got out all my kids were together for one of the childrens birthday he had ask for forgiviness from them for all he had put all of us through and he got it from everyone but my youngest son with whom he was the closest. He had pushed him away and told him to stay away from him.my son said thats okay bro I understand, see he had stolen from him and the rest of us to get his vikes. He had been to church that day and told me everything was ok now between him and God.The following week he got a tooth ache his face was swollen and he was in pain the dentist said he couldn't see him for 9 days but gave him 60 vicodins for the pain. I seen him on Sat I could tell he was high and I started to cry he said mom don't worry when I get in to the dentist I swear this will be the last time I ask him if he was going to church in the morning and he said yes. I told him to be ready by 9:30 he hug me, said I love you and I'll be ready. I said goodbye and please slack off the pills.The next morning I woke up late which I never do and my huband said just finish breakfast I'll go get Jeremy.Five mins. later I sat in a kitchen chair and totally Zoned my daughter ask what was wrong I said he's went up to get Jeremy and no telling what he is going to find and she said mom why do you say that he's doing so good?I stayed in that seat without a word until my mother walked in to my kitchen took one look at me and said you already know don't you? my Jeremy was gone and God had given him that chance.So do I believe in heaven? YOU BET I DO. Do I believe my son is looking down at me with love? YES SIR I DO. Am I ashamed? YES I am but he understands. He's wore these shoes before.

[mystere]

Good afternoon my Guardian Angel!--And I do mean I have a Guardian Angel looking out for me--As you know I have been on the verge of relapse--The "Beast" has not given me one minutes peace today--soooo I called the pharmacist (I thought for sure I had a refill on one of my Hydrocodone Rx's) and GUESS WHAT--The refills had been cancelled--I guess my husband didn't want to take any chances after my last escapade--At first I was angry but now I am sooo relieved!--Now that I have absolutely no access to any pills I can Now focus on my recovery--I wasted a beautiful day obsessing about that damn refill--Go Figure--I guess that's why they call it addiction--Thanks again Peazy for all of your love and support---26 days and now really standing strong! Take care Hon--Peace/Prayers-Mystere/AKA N.O. Lady

Anne

[passenbyhubby]

One more thing I wanted to say about your post. You refered to your problems as being **** compared to mine. I wished my problems could ease yours but like I posted before no one as the market on problems,depression or pain. Each and everyone of you have your on depression and problems that are just as real and as painful as mine so don't put yourself down for what you feel.I believe in you and you will deal with it and I will pray.






                                passenby

[passenbyhubby]

Thank you for taking the time to read my story as I said I normally wouldn't have done that but last night I felt like I just needed to put it in print. I'm doing great with my CT and we are heading home tonight. AMBER you finally answered my guestions about relapse.I needed that.Peaz as always you have the sweetest things to say and I thank you ,you give me comfortand strength.

[theGolden1]

Hey Lady .... I know what you mean about the "whispers" I have stashed a few vikes from my husbands script and although I haven't taken them .... pain would be a legitimate excuse. Try extra strength tylenol instead of the IBprofen. I screwed up my gut using that stuff. It will do more than you think .... mixes with everything. Moist heat or heating pad ... just baby yourself for a day or two and it will pass .... pain is what got most of us here, so we need "other ways" of coping ... good luck, Goldie