Recreational use spiraled out of control!

[Jen777]

DAMNIT, I didn't want to be posting again but I stinking relapsed!!! I was clean for weeks and then used recreationally for a couple weekends and here I am back again on day 6 of using about 80mg of oxy a day. Ok, today is the last and I am cold turkey again tomorrow....what should I expect for withdrawls...I have only been using 6 days. I already notice the difference in how good I felt being clean and how I feel now back on those little suckers. HELP! This stinks! My husband has to take them for pain and he locks them up and I found the darn key and stole some....ARGGHHHH! I am so mad at myself! Why did I do this!

[boogieman]

howdy. the psychological part will be the hardest both initially and long term. if you really want to get/stay clean there is a solution, but it must come first. i think if you sent over a brinks armored truck with oc inside and gave me an hour or so, i could get to them. we are very resourceful when it comes to these things. you have a condition which is going to kill you if you do not treat it, and all the while it whispers in your ear trying to convince you otherwise. there is good advice to be found on this site as evidenced above, but you have to take the lead. take care,   gm

[gizzy32]

You posted asking if it's ok to use recreationally not long ago, I think you got your answer just like we told you. Addicts can't use once, it just opens the door for us to spiral down and with each relapse it gets so much harder. Are you really ready to quit, because your stealing his pills and thinking 1 here and there is ok. You should focus more on the mental part, than w/d's, get some type of aftercare and talk to your hubby about this again. It's gonna be so tough with pills in the house, myself I could not do it, but you have to find a way. You can do this Jen, but it takes work.

[ProdigalGirl]

Shellbell72... you asked how us addicts find hidden pills in the house. We have a secret built in GPS system for opiates..benzos you name it! Seriously, my saving grace when I had prescribed medication and my sibling was an addict, was a safe. Sure she tried to pick that puppy apart,,,probably knawled at it, but could not get in it.. Now that same safe is keeping me away! Irony. Be very stern and give him all the love in the world. As we first come out of the fog of addiction, we feel worthless and a loser. Feeling we hurt ourselves, loved ones... the financial strain. It is all very very overwhelming. Love him, support him, but most importingly do not trust him until he earns that trust back. Addicts are awesome liars and manipulators.I cannot have control of any of my finances at the moment as I am too weak to relapse. I am nearing 40 and cannot be trusted to spend my money on bills, food etc because I will buy the drugs and starve. I have told everyone close to me this go around. Parents, siblings, friends,,, everyone knows now. For me, the humiliation of them knowing is a BIG motivator to do it right this time. If he bought anymore off the street, he cannot contact them. It is great that he has you to support him. He needs you more than ever now. Best of luck and have him post here when he comes home. We want you to post as well. You may benefit from naranon. This is specifically for family and friends of addicts and teaches you the tools you need to help deal with your husband's addiction. Works just like NA, cept your not the addict. They were of some support to my parents when my sibling was using heroin. My poor parents. What you poor people go through and put up with baffles me that you all still love us in the end and just despise the disease of addiction! Prayers your way!

[worried878]

pills in the house is a big fat doomer..refills at the pharmacy r another bigger fatter doomer///not telling any doctor concerned is another yucky doomer...quitting is hard enuf all by itself without making it worse by setting urself up for failure..then u feel like a big fat loser for using..when all the while u had set urself up to fail..meetings and disconnecting with all connections is at least helping somewhat with success//flushing what u have in ur possession can be a very motivating and a big humongous step in the forward dirction..keep posting...and get rid og these links u have with those nasty puppies

[shellbell72]

How do you addicts manage to find pills?  I hide my husband's pills to try and control his use, but he always finds them, no matter where I hide them.  It's amazing.  It's almost like you can smell them.  Well anyway, he's in rehab, coming off OC's and xanax that were prescribed.  It's the aftercare I worry about.  I don't want him to relapse.

[freebird227]

Over dinner tonight my husband and I had the " drinking " conversation. ( every now and then it comes up ) We pondered what if we could every now and then have a glass of wine? Would we. Of course it would only be 1 glass. I have 24 years clean he has 22 years clean, surely 1 glass of wine wouldn't hurt us. We each came to the same conclusion ( we always do ) It's that first fix pill or drink that would release our addiction all over again.Proof Positive.. I am an addict anything that goes into my body that is mood or mind altering will crank up my disease Cunning baffling and powerful and it wil kill me. The WINNER'S keep comming back Glad to see you here.

[stacey892]

I to am a addict and i would of found those pills no doubt if i new they were there than i would get them you have to change your thinking i no its hard but its the truth so many of us have been there and if we all can do it you can too.  Please try and focus on other things take a walk read a book it always helps me and as far a the wds its never easy no matter how long you have been taking them

[mtgoat911]

a relaspe is a learning experience, when i relasped i learned that i needed to put more effort into my recovery
i have developed the attitude that i am either working toward freedom of slacking off and heading to a relaspe
the best information i can pass on to you is a chapter out of the na book\
http://www.12step.org/references/na-basic-text/na-chapter-7.html
even if yo hate na, and are not a member, this information will be of some use

[HelpinUtah]

So sorry you relapsed, but so proud of you for getting back on here and admitting it and looking for help!  WOOHOO for that!  You CAN DO THIS!!!!  I agree with everyone else, please find some aftercare.  I went to a therapist that specialized in addictions as well as coming here regularly.  I'm rooting for you and saying extra prayers!  Hugs, Janet

[cathy5841]

hey jen, sorry you relapsed.  i know it has to be very hard with pills in your house.  if they were in mine i would take it apart till i got them.  i agree with the aftercare...you really need to get some.

[outotown]

If there was a pill in my house i would find it, CUZ IM AN ADDICT and need to realize i always will be

[sway1]

did you get in enough refresher course? ready to get back on the bus? you should have someone you can talkto before you pick up. someone who you trust. recovering addicts are the easiest to talk to, but earthlings can be very understanding and supportive in their own way. keep posting, ok? you can do this. you are not alone. peace.    sway

[ForgotRomans828]

Don't beat yourself up, but addictive personalities always find an outlet for their addition.  It may be pills, needles, alcohol or more benign pursuits such as shopping or running.  Yes, athletes are addicts too; they have just found a lot healthier outlet to increase their endorphines.  I on day 3 of AWD and it *****.  Plain and simple.  I am depressed, anxious, ready to jump out of my skin.  I figure if I journal everything I am feeling: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritially, it will prevent me from EVER thinking this would be a good idea to go through again.  Go to the bottom of the page and look up the Thomas Diet and arm yourserf.  I took a Lorazapam, (benzo.) last night to sleep and it made a difference.  I don't have the other medications, but have all of the supplements and truly believe they are helping, a LOT!  Find some other out let for your addictive personality when you are on the other side, and keep posting.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, and every other person out there who needs the
strength and forgiveness that we so desperately need.  HUGS

[dominosarah]

cuz your an addict........Are you getting any aftercare??  That is so important.