CT at Home?

[scaredoutofmymind333]

I went to a inpatient detox yesterday to do a detox, medically supervised because of a mild heart attack last year, I was afraid to do it alone. My insurance wouldn't let me stay, Perfect blood tests and perfect EKG, although the social worker tried her best to get me admitted. I am at home, CT on my own. Things are not bad yet. It has only been about sixteen hours since my last dose. (over thirty DS vicodin a day! only been using for about 2 momths though, they say that is in my favor) I just printed the thomas recipe and will send bf out to get everything when he gets home from work,I dont think driving is a good idea for me right now! I know it is going to get much worse. I went trough CT of very high prescribed doses oxycodone 5 years ago and then high doses of methadone 4 yrs ago, I prayed to die every day through it. The bf was wondering if a drink (alcohol) would help take some of the edginess off? Do anyone have any more suggestions to help me through? I can also use some positive thoughts right about now, I know how great drug free life can be, I have been there and want to be there again! Thanks in advance

[scaredoutofmymind333]

Andrew,
You too, my friend, have become special to me. Your caring, advice, and prayers have helped me through one of the roughest times in my life. There were times there I was hanging on your encouragement, knowing you had been through almost the same. As far as keeping my gaurd up........remember my bf is a recovering alcoholic and by watching him and how he handles his sobriety I have learned alot. But obviously not enough to have found myself here after 3 years opiate free. I know this happened for a reason, maybe if only for me to finally realize I am an addict and must always have my gaurd up forever....I never want to walk this path again....I will continue to post (I dont have anywhere else to be right now! LOL) and thanks again for everything!

[FassFeat]

I haven't been on much last few days but I have cked to see if you resurfaced, I have been concerned about you. I am glad you are doing better. I am really glad that you have put aftercare structure in place. Things happen for a reason and you may not see it for awhile but, being unemployable in your field isn't the end of the world. I too am chancing careers after 20 yrs at my old job. It makes you look deep inside and get creative. I did it because of this life changing experience that I am going thru (getting control of my addiction) and decided that I might not ever have the courage or the nuts to try it later, so I jumped, just like I did when I went cold turkey. I had alot of time to think about things and get real with myself. I realized that I hadn't been happy for the last few years, but had plodded along out of a sense of duty to my family. I have a clear mind and lots of practical experience and a good relationship with God now, I have no fear (and yes I know we are in a reccession) Its all good, I have my family and all of my faculties.... a fresh perspective. Even if I don't get what I want at first, I will eventually do something that I am passionate about.  I am so happy for you.. Big Congrats on day 11. I am happy and fulfilled knowing that I was able to help you, even if just a little ( I think it was timing more than anything) but you were so frightened when you first posted. Please do stay in touch as you are special to me. I am glad that your BF and family are supporting you. You will be fine in your new life, and I bet that where ever you land in regards to employment, that you will be better off. Best wishes and God Bless. Andrew

P.S. As a good friend and mentor of mine on this forum always says... Keep your guard up, protect your clean time and take care of you first. This will enable you to do everything better in the future. OK I added the last part.

[scaredoutofmymind333]

needed detoxed to get into inpatient rehab, bf took me to a hospital that does detox's and I made the mistake of telling the nurse I wished I was dead, hence the 48 hr suicide watch. After long talks with bf, family, and 2 wonderful sponsers I have decided against inpatient...I am trying to start outpatient tomorrow. If not, I will find aa drug and alcohol couselor before insurance runs out. I am also very glad to be feeling better! lol

[Ballgame]

Glad you're feeling better.  You couldn't get a bed at detox place so you went to the ER right?  And the hospital was able to take care of you?
Glad you're doing better

[scaredoutofmymind333]

I am a newbie too...I am doing better, and staying strong is how I have to be....I don't ever want to be on this road again! You stay strong too!

[IwillQuit2]

I see I posted too late (I'm a newbee to posting)but I see that you are doing well. Stay strong (:  

[IwillQuit2]

Best of luck! I agree with the alcohol don't do it.  Luckily, only 2 months on.... Just try to think of it as a flu! A bad one but it's just like it. And there is an end to it.   About 5 years ago I was on percs(before my addiction) for a couple
months after a surgery and went off them with only 2 days of flu like
symptoms.  Funny back then I had no idea it was Wd! I just thought it was a bug.   Hugs and prayers to you! Stay strong, keep us posted and keep reading all the helpful advice and support on this board, I couldn't have done it without it

[scaredoutofmymind333]

11 days off Vicodan, 3 days off Ativan that I was given in hospital during detox/suicide watch. Wow, what a wild ride....and somewhere I NEVER want to be again! Today is the 1st day I feel a little in control and not so shaky. To Ballgame...I got(took!) my vicodan from work...they terminated me and turned my name into the DEA. I told them because I knew I was out of control and wanted to take responsibility for my actions. I was trying to stop things from getting as bad as they ended up being. I am now unemployable in my field. I am a health care profressional. To anyone out there that thinks about taking a drink of alcohol to stop the shakiness and anxiety of CT/ WD.....please learn from me and don't! It doesn't work. I ended up in a very scary place in my mind and body! It was not worth it! Thank you everyone for the encouragement and caring you gave me through this, and Andrew thank you for your advice and caring. This little community kept me halfway sane through this. I am at the point of feeling as calm as I can while watching my life fall down around me. I have the support of my bf that I live with, my family, AA and now this community to make it through. Hell I just made it through 11 days of pure hell....the rest should be a little easier, please god! I am just trying to take it day by day and feel better. I am hoping that I am almost at the feel better part. Thanks again to everyone

[Ballgame]

Also why are they charging you? Just curious why you told them.
Hope all is well

[Ballgame]

Why did you have to come clean at work?

[FassFeat]

I am glad to hear that you are still with us. You wouldn't have wanted to go back there and work anyway as it was part of the problem. Keep taking care of yourself, one day at a time.. protect your clean time. You are doing great.. Best wishes, God Bless  Your friend, Andrew

[scaredoutofmymind333]

No beds again at gateway, home for the weekend....thanks everyone for the thoughts on this crazy ride. Work terminated me today. still feel anxious, but I guess the worst is over.

[feohmoon]

Good luck to you - I know you are miserable but keep your head up and know that you are getting the help you need to get better.  I wish you the very best, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

[scaredoutofmymind333]

just back from a 48hr suicide at watch and waiting for a ride to gateway. Besides the ativan they have given me the last 2 days

[LeaAnn807]

Hi honey!  You may need to go to the ER???  I'm worried about you, ok?  I'm sorry you're going through this! : (

[scaredoutofmymind333]

still waiting for insurance, but wishing to die  can see my pulse in my wrist! so scared right now.










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[FassFeat]

I know you are going to inpatient today if it works out, let us know how you are doing when you get a chance. Best wishes

[scaredoutofmymind333]

just heard from work that I am facing criminal charges.....

[scaredoutofmymind333]

no, I lent my bp cuff to a fellow alcoholic that is in rehab right now....heart is racing and I want to come out of my skin! tomorrow cant come fast enough, so very scared!

[vicki595]

Hi~  Good luck with in patient.  Just curious: Have you had your B/P checked during any of this detox?  If not,you may want to do that.

Take care~

[scaredoutofmymind333]

Just to let you know, I am still here, anxiety hit today real bad! Went to Gateway rehab, they suggest inpatient, so tomorrow I wait for the ok from the insurance. After I snapped at the gateway evaluator, bf went and bought pint. I know I am switching one drug for another but with the heart attack I am so scared of how my heart was racing.....drinking is calming that for right now and insurance willing tomorrow I will be under profressional care. Thank you to everyone that has answered my posts! hopefully when I get out of inpatient, I can help someone the way you have helped me!

[Toooldforthisstuff]

Just remember,every minute means you're one minute closer to being clean and feeling better!!  You can do it!!

[scaredoutofmymind333]

I am ok....going through worst...i hope....taking it minute by minute