Freaking out

[kweenofharts]

This is my day one with nothing.  I am freaking out and I feel like I can't do this.  My daughter has her birthday party here in the morning and I have no idea how I will make this happen.

[kweenofharts]

No I have tried neither of those.  I feel like I cant even focus enough to see what I should do to do that.  I just took a Lorazepam to calm down.  I wanna stop, I just hate this.

[kweenofharts]

I was clean for a month and relapsed in Nov.  It started with syrup, and last week I went through 84 5 mgs in 6 days.  So I guess the answer is since November.  But on and off of every type of PP for about 5 years.

[melodie79]

I know how you feel.  I hope you stick with it.  You are not pathetic, I cant tell you how many times I ran sacked the whole house looking for my pills, it happens to all of us.  You can do it though,, is there anyone that can help you with the bday party??? what are you coming off?? I am here if youd like to talk. I will be on for at least on hour. love melodie

[newgirl286]

I've done that searching too...  You've really got to ask yourself why you need to stop and in a few days you will see more clearly.  Good luck and be proud of your day 1.  The first step next is tomorrow & so on...  

[newgirl286]

Have you tried thomas recipe or amino acid protocol.  That may help, not sure what your off of and how much? how long?  But if you have pain I used tylenol, motrin, vitamins, red bull, whatever to counter the laziness and of course Immodium.  There's a lot you can do to help you feel better plus baths, etc...  Good luck and you can give meaning to everyday tomorrow can be day 2...  I'm on day 9 which is the best I've had yet.  The first week is the hardest...

[kweenofharts]

By the way.  I just ran-sacked my room looking for my last half of the 5mg pill I had because I dropped it last night. i feel pathetic.  I want to cry.