Day Ten --Double Digit-- Day Question

[Ben727]

Hey. So first off: Thank you, thank you, many thanks, please accept my most sincere, most deeply felt gratitude and it's to anyone who has been supportive, or had any input whatsoever in any way on this site. You guys rock and I love all of you! True altruisim exists rarely in nature ouside of humans, and it seems to me that it exists rarely in humans execpt in places like this! Moving on, I have a question and some thoughts and feelings to list that may put the question into context.

My question is a simple one: So how the hell am I supposed to feell at day 10? Here's how I think I DO feel: Alive, more alive than I've ever been because you don't know what you have until you lose it. Pretty much back to 90% functioning. Took two 30-minute breaks to lie down yesterday. Other than that, a full 14 hour day of a working father of two small kids and I was fine. Sensitive, in a good way. I am getting endorphin rushes from my wife (emotionally), wife (yeah), kids, music, driving fast, reading stuff that makes me happy (go 7-country Curiousity team, go USA swimming) or angry (that GD *** clown in Wiscy), louder music, faster driving, and even louder music :) Only remaining symptoms are occasional fatigue, more sneezing than is normal (wtf is that about :), minor insomnia, minor lav issues. I seriously think the last two are more related to my vitimin regimine than WD.

So that leaves me at day 10 feeling an hour of fatigue out of 16, and sneezing a lot. It actually makes me feel suspicious - am I missing something? This seems too easy. I have had zero cravings, and exactly two "trigger" situations (sharp knee pain) that were easily dismissed. I am CERTAIN that I'm an addict, I am CERTAIN that if I take an opiate of any kind I will relapse completely, and I am CERTAIN that I do not want to relapse. If you're read my previous posts you know I ingested a MASSIVE amount of HC on a daily basis (400-500 mg, world champ here) and quit cold turkey no taper after 5 years at this level and 10 years of total use. So I suspect a GD trap. I'm doing too good for day 10, right? This is my first attempt to quit, and I can't shake the feeling that failure is not an option, that if I slip I will lose myself for ever. Rationally I know that's not true, and that it puts more pressure on which might be bad. But it also seems to be working for me, so do I just ride that feeling into the sunset? Anyway, that's all I've got, did I mention how grateful I am to everyone here? L8R Ben

[Ben727]

Make that 5 veterans :) Thank you!

[selfinduced]

Sooo true! U've had many go before you to pave the way. Day 10 is amazing, really amazing, Life is shifting and you can see the horizon thru the struggles. All I can add is that with each day you will see an amazing change physically and mentally. Ride the pink cloud now and hang on to what is yet to come.....It is an amazing ride, and you don't want to miss out. Keep on keepin on, stay sober, and know that the best is yet to come. xo

[Ben727]

My thanks to all four of you veterans! I see that you're the ones always saying the right things to everyone as they go through this journey. In the short time I've been here I've come to realize that just like a teenager thinks they're the first one to ever have their heart broken, the addict seeking help for the first time thinks no one has ever been through it the way they have. Each one of you is a giver, and clearly cares about doing some good in the world. My thanks again for that, what comes around comes around comes around!

[kyle505]

You are pretty much right on the money...Understand that you will have good days and bad days (such is life) but the longer you're clean the more you will enjoy and appreciate both. I found, and have posted this several times, that a bad day clean is sooo much better than any good day using.
Now, as you know, you have to be on your guard for the voice in your head, the one that tells you "just one won't hurt". Dealing with temptation is never ending, just a part of being an addict.
Good luck and congrats.

[KMK523]

I agree with everything Sonrissa said. At or around day 10 I would have a few good/great days in a row followed by a bad one. The bad day would just whoop me. Your emotions will be all over the place for a while...that is true. Sneezing will get better, but for me it didn't ease till about day 30. I still sneeze at day 77 lol. Just take one day at a time for now...rest when you can and enjoy the most important thing---life sober!!!!! Good luck :)

[Sonrissa]

Hi Ben! Congrats on day 10! It sounds like you are right were you should be! Emotions will be all over the place for a while! Just feel them, good, bad, or indifferent! We've covered them up for so very long! Also the bouts of fatigue will continue off and on! Your body is still healing! I still have days where I am very tired! Stay as active as you possibly can! Naps or periods of rest are a good thing! Take them when you can get them! Most important is to keep moving forward everyday! You are doing great!! Continue with the vitamins and supplements! Take care!!