Cold Turkey Withdrawing - not by choice

[lovelyladybumps]

I am being forced to cold turkey withdrawal from all meds I was taking for fibromyalgia and I don't know what to do. I was prescribed percocet 5/325 5x daily,  ultram 50 4x day,  and Valium 2x/day (final dosing). My pain management clinic kept upping my dosage because of tolerance and also because I take care of my adult son with a TBI as well as work a very stressful job full time. I really thought I needed it due to all these problems they said I had so I went with it not realizing I was getting addicted. I failed one drug test approximately one month ago,  but had gotten all my meds refilled that day.  I wrote them an extensive letter saying why I tested positive for codeine (I had accidentally been taking my stepfather's Tylenol 3 mixed in with my Percocet when my mom gave me a smaller pill bottle to keep in my purse) and oxycodone (I took the last 3 pills of Oxycontin new I had received a prescription for two years ago as stemming as a side effect from a bad reaction to a bone-hardening agent I received for osteoporosis since I can't do oral pills). I wrote them to see if I could get 1 months worth of meds while I found a new provider and they are refusing all correspondence with me.  I was due for a refill on 7/13 and so i am technically 5 miserable dsys into this. Tonight has been the worst - the heart racing, sweats, anxiousness, diarrhea, etc are miserable. I cant get an appt to a shrink unril next Saturday. What can i do in the meantime and how do i deal? My husband is being most supportive but everything OTC doesn't help except for Pepto and the antidiarrhea meds. How much longer can I expect and what is normal? I am so embarrassed by this and ashamed.  Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks,, so much.

[nursegirl6572]

Oh my hon, I'm so sorry!  That stinks!

I'm worried about you!  I'm concerned that the Ambien may have been a contributing factor in the accident!  Ambien is one of those drugs that can really pack a wallop, leaving people confused, with memory loss, and trouble with cognitive function, especially if you didn't get a sufficient quantity AND quality of sleep after taking it.

I know this process has been very hard on you...definitely reach out to your doctor for help with this.  Call the office today, explain what happened, and ask if they would squeeze you in with an urgent appointment.  Hang in there!

You're certainly not a menace to society, and this WILL get better, it just takes time!  Thinking of you!

[lovelyladybumps]

So yesterday morning about a mile from my office I was in a car accident. I hit a parked car at about 30 mph. I'm bruised from head to toe, think I cracked a rib (hurts to cough, lie down except when I lie on it) and am having horrible doubts about the whole thing. I was cruising along just fine - great song was playing on the radio - then bam next thing I know my car sideswiped the parked car. I remember there being a brief LOC but not sure if before or after. Had the common sense to drag my car out of the roadway despite all the pain and a broken front axle. I was beside myself after I called the police and my boss - I called my husband in tears and he came running to my aid. He got there before the tow truck and said that he said this wouldn't have happened had I gotten my car fixed last month right after I rear ended someone. Now I'm convinced I'm a menace to society and don't belong anywhere alone. I am alternating between moments of normalcy to absolute panic and doubt. I took an Ambien to sleep yesterday but no Percocet or Ultram - strictly Tylenol all day. It didn't hurt too bad until I laid down to sleep which is why I took the Ambien. Appt with the psychiatrist isn't until Saturday and I'm not sure I can make it that long. Woke up this morning nauseous but well rested, took a hot shower and was superb alert for work. Now as the day goes by I'm getting more and more depressed. I am literally hiding out in the bathroom in a different part of the building because I don't know what to do. The alprazolam is in my purse but I don't want to take it.

Not sure how to cope now. Just want this all to be over with.

[Merri123]

TBIs. Oh I have experience with that. My husband got into a motorcycle accident @ 2 years ago. 2 brain surgeries later and therapy. Oh was the first year rough. Mood swings. Anger directed at me (typical I guess) confusion, memory loss (at least 10 years), short term memory loss (couldn't remember what did earlier in day), perservation (insisting something is right even if not) and on and on. It was the most stressful year of my life ever. Things have calmed down but he is still not the same. Won't be.

So with everything I hand it to you. It is not easy. And your Dad may not be treating him as much like an invalid as son says or thinks. He just may be perceiving it all wrong. But no amount of reason will change his mind.

You are doing good. Can you be dependent still now? Even with lower doses? Yes you can in my opinion. If your body reacts to not having it, that is dependent. Are you addicted? You seem to be controlling it well. Only you can tell.  The migraines should level off soon. You are getting rebound pain plus the pain from not taking so much. I had bad headaches early in my taper too. They went away.

So keep going. Stay strong. And remember to take time for yourself too in all this. You need it for your sanity. You all need a break regularly.

[nursegirl6572]

My heart hurts for you after reading all that you've gone through!  Goodness!  I'm so sorry your son went through what he did, you're right, it's a miracle he's here with you today!  What a blessing!  Even with counting your lucky stars, it's tough to be a FT caretaker, especially with the kinds of challenges you have with your son.

It sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders as far as your plans to detox, just PLEASE be cautious reaching for things (and combining them) to get some relief.  It worries me that you've taken Ultram, Percocet, Ambien and Xanax, all within a short period of time.  That can be very dangerous as I'm sure you know.  People have accidentally OD'ed mixing drugs just to get some sleep, or to calm anxiety.  Even people with high tolerances have succumb to mixing medications.

Also, I worry about whether you're dealing with strictly dependency or if you've become addicted.  I think it's wise to keep your eyes wide open.  The fact that you had the reaction you did when your doc Rx'ed the Percocet is a little concerning.  It's difficult sometimes to determine if indeed you are bordering on addiction versus just dependency.  There are some things you can do to give you a better idea.....

The following is a link to a self test you can take, for starters:

http://www.myaddiction.com/quiz/drug-addiction-test

You can also google "addiction self test" and you will get many results.

It's really important that you DO try to honestly answer that question for yourself...because how you proceed moving forward will vary depending on what you're dealing with.  Dependency would only involve the physical detox, and managing pain, while the addiction would require a much more comprehensive recovery program, that addresses the MENTAL/COGNITIVE aspect.

I wish you the very best, keep talking to us!

[lulu747]

hey Hon-

I am a little bit concerned for you for a couple of reasons.  Can you please clarify- are you currently taking any benzos?  If not, when was your last dose and when did the head ache start?

I am asking because the first time I cold turkeyed opiates I c/t benzos as well.  I developed a terrible migraine like head ache that lasted days until I finally saw a doc and he said it was from the c/t of the benzos and a sign of possible seizure.  He put me back on the benzos.

Another thing that can cause the headache is opiate w/d - I had a terrible migraine headache the entire time I was tapering- like 6 or 7 months.  It was one of the reasons I jumped off at a pretty high dose- I could not take the misery.  The headache dissipated once the drugs were entirely out of my system.
This could be why the percocet is helping your headache.  A real migraine does not respond to opiates- only migraine specific meds.

So-
Even if you are only taking low doses of Ultram- you are still not clean and the head ache is normal.  It su*& big time.  But treating it with other opiates is only going to set you back.

You really need to think about what you want here.  If the goal is to be pain pill free- then you are going to have to be willing to go through some rough stuff to get there (trust me when I tell you it's worth it all and more)

If the C/T is too much for you at this time given all your stressful circumstances- then perhaps a slower taper is a better option.  You will still experience slight w/d's but nothing like what you are experiencing now.

I would STAY AWAY from the percocet.  This drug is major addictive and can easily just be STOPPED physically- mentally it is a WHOLE other ballgame.
I would discuss a slow taper plan off the Ultram with your doc and I would do the same with the benzos.

Listen,
I know I am being a bit bossy but I've been where you are- and I want you to be healthy and safe...Ok?
Please talk to a doc asap.

And keep posting (:
Lu

[lovelyladybumps]

TBI = traumatic brain injury. Son hit a deer, car flipped 5x and hit 2 trees - speed of impact was approximately 100 MPH per the police. The fact that he is alive and can walk, talk, dress, eat, and do what we do is the highest of miracles. However, he needs 24 hour supervision because he has no short term memory. For example he will get up in the middle of the night and do things and won't remember doing it. Right now I am in the midst of healing a 2nd degree burns on his neck from all of the acne medication he put on it. I am under consistent stress because he has no filter (the impulsivity part of his brain was damaged the worst) and he goes from zero to napalm in seconds. The only caretaker I have is my 73-year old dad who my son hates because he insists on treating my son like an invalid when we let him be as independent as possible. My dad also is a borderline alcoholic and a misogynist so he likes to remind me daily how I fail as a mother because I "choose" work over my son. Though my son is on Medicaid there is a 4-6k waiting list for the services he needs so all of it comes out of my pocket except the $700/mo he gets in disability through social security. Half of that goes to my dad for watching him while the other half goes to my husband for paying for the super good health insurance to cover the meds he needs and therapy.

The worst part is he was in the military but I can't get the Marine Corps to get me his medical discharge paperwork so that I can see if he's eligible for VA care through their brain injury program or even a small pension of some sort. He was only in for 9 months as of the date of the accident and you have to be in for 2 years before you get coverage unless you were hurt in a war zone,  which he was not.