Could Subxone be the answer? Please help...

[mlk_2900]

I posted here last week about my addiction problem. I then went on to begin a tapering schedule to try to get off my drug of choice and that led to a week long terrible problem of not being able to get stable at any dose, crazy unreal anxiety, etc. It has been really bad. I have lost almost 10 lbs in the past week just from the stress and anxiety of all of this. So, I am not sure tapering will work for me... I posted this question on another forum earlier because I am desperate for some feedback but wanted to post it here as well. Please, any help, thoughts, experiences, anything is very much appreciated!!!!

I have battled addiction/abusing pain meds for awhile. It started small with legitimate back and neck problems. In the beginning I only took what I needed for pain. Then over time I would take a few vicodin or codeine pills to feel good  when I was over stressed or depressed. I never had a full blown addiction though. Then last 7-8 months  of my life though have been very stressful and I turned to the wrong thing. I have switched from vicodin to codeine to poppy pods (basically morphine  and codeine) and now I am staring straight into the eyes of addiction and am scared to death. I hate I ever got here, but I don't know how to get out. I really just wanted to be the best wife and mother possible and the opiates left me feeling like superwoman. I am so sorry now that I ever did this, that I ever got to this point. I feel like I have ruined my life, that I have lied and hurt everyone I love and I am so worried that if they know they will never be able to love me again. I want out so badly. I want my life back the way it was before all this. But I don't know how to do it. I tried tapering down and even small tapers is leaving me wrecked with horrible anxiety to the point that I can't eat or carry on my life in the way I must. The fear of what I have done and the feeling that I have no way out is just adding to the anxiety and I am just a mess. I am running in circles and don't know which way to turn. I have never been more desperate in my entire life. I just want to fix this mistake I have made and carry on, but I don't know how. Right now, even with my dosage (not tapered) I am wrecked with depression and anxiety and I know it is from being scared to death of the future.

Even if the tapering works, I think I am beginning to understand I need to talk to someone (perhaps a professional) and get my feelings under control so I don't end up back here. I need to make the changes in my life. I am willing to make those changes, but I just have to figure out how to get off the opiates I am abusing.

Does it sound like I could possibly be a good candidate for Suboxone? I talked to a doctor last week and she wasn't really of much help. She pretty much said she wouldn't take me into the program until I have been using a year or more and have tried a hospital detox and failed. That has just made me more worried. There are others doctors around though that I could try, it would just be a 30-45 minute drive. My husband doesn't know about my habit and I know I need to tell him and in time maybe I will find the courage to, but right now I am not sure is the time. He has never been through this and isn't normally a judgmental person but I am very afraid he would be with this and I can easily see him leaving me and using this to take my son away from me, which just kills me to think about. I also have a job I have to keep, so I just not sure a hospital detox is even an option. Are all doctors and suboxone programs this way? I feel like I need help and might can't even get the help from there. All this worry and anxiety is causing me to just turn to the opiates more. And then it feels like an endless cycle and all I want to do is break the cycle. I currently don't have insurance, but if I need to I can find a way to get insurance that will hopefully help pay for the suboxone. *I did just put an application in for health insurance that as long as its approved will go into effect 8/15.

If I did get on suboxone I do not plan to stay on it forever! I will use the advice here and from my doctor to wean off once I am stabilized. I want a life that is opiate free, I just can't figure out how to get there!!!

[teddyk6501]

I dont know alot about suboxone....but i do know that now is the time for you to grab ahold of this problem. One year will turn into five years in a blink of an eye, by then you will be so far down the rabbit hole you wont know what to do. Trust me. I give you alot of credit for taking this thing head on now and realizing that this is no life. WHEN you go on suboxone or find a way to stop using..please post it here and let me know how things are going.

[Tab57]

It would be good fro you to get some professional help for your addcition issues. NA is a great place to start.

You need to be evaluated by a professional to see if you are a candidate for suboxone. It should be very carefully used if it is prescribed. A friend of mine is on it and has had great results to date but eventually have to get off of it. At first eh had to go to the clinic he was being treated at every day to take his medicine. Now he has a prescription for it.

You need to tell your husband ASAP. He willl figure things out eventually. It is best that he finds out from you instead of through other means. You need to be honest with him if you expect to have a chance of him staying with you. You may be surprised at his reponse. Othen times loved ones who have been hurt the most are the most supportive of an addict's recovery efforts if the addict really wants help.

I sent you a message with additional information.

Best of luck in your recovery efforts and God Bless you. Stay in touch.