DESPERATE TO GET OFF PERCOCET

[pillzkgb]

Hello everyone and thank you for taking the time to stop and read my post and possible help me.
I am 26, married, mother of 4yr old. I work full time and have alot on my plate including severe marital problems. I have been taking percocets recreationnally for 1 1/2 years. basically non stop. I take them daily, between 6-12/day... they are slowly killing me. emmotionally, spiritually, financially and physically
I cannot go on like this.
In my head I won't quit because I am terrified of the pain of withdrawals, If I go down everything goes down. My job, my home, my kid. All the million and 1 things I do in a day will not be fissable, i will be bed ridden. I cannot take any time off work because I just started this job. I cannot ask for help caring for my son or doing housework because I don't have family or friends and my husband is either not here or completely insensitive and will sooner kick me when down then help me
I feel hopeless. I've tried to quit, it never worked. I have withdrawn, only because I coudlnt get my fix and I would lose it, shiver, sweat, have anxiety attacks and spend the next however many hours till I got my fix calling, texting, searching for that said fix.
All my time is consumed thinking of my next fix
Every extra dollar goes towards it.
I don't socialize, I can't sleep because of nightmares I get on them, I have anger outbursts and catch myself screaming at my son when I never would have before, ever! I get angry at everyone over anything, deserved or undeserved I snap. I am losing my marriage. I have no friends or family because of this and my son is now seeing my temper. I would never lay a hand on him and me raisin my voice at him is bad enough, it makes me feel like the most horrible mother alive,
I need off this pills. I have no support.
How and can I do this/.

I need help. I am sitting here balling my eyes out as I type, I would give anything to be sober again yet it's still not enough to just flush those last pills down the toilet because I know tomorrow, I will have to endure my kids hockey, housework and all the other **** I do in a day, but going through intense withdrawals

Please tell me anything to help me.

please

[Ella789]

I am really sorry you have so much going on in your life.  I understand how it can effect a person,  self-medicating to ease the stress of life.  It is an ugly web of deciet and it just does not get better until you want to be clean more than you want to use.  
Detox, while uncomfortable/painful,   is really the easy part when you look back from being a month or two clean.  It takes time for the brain to heal, the mental cravings, lack of energy and depression.    
It would make sense for you to see a mental health physician,  they are not allowed to devulge any medical information about you,  and you could see abt. getting on suboxone,  without your job knowing.   I hope you will check this out as it is going through a Dr. who can prescribe sub, and not all Doctors' can do that.  
I hope others will come on to offer your their opinions.   As for your own well being and the happiness of your child,  I think you should look into all the options and esp the sub.  and I do not say that to everyone,  it just seems like you are over- whelmed with life and all it's issues.   I hope you find the answer soon and get some help for yourself.

Ella

[leeisgettingclean]

well yes its true that the lower your dose the lighter the w/ds..your dose is not the lowest either, do you think you could handle a taper even just for a short time, maybe jdut drop as low as you can and it still be bearable..like maybe 4 a day? even when i was takin 15 or 20 if i was out or running real low i could make it on like 5 so maybe if you could do that and hold it there for like a week and then drop that in half and hold for like a week then just jump? its not the best taper but it might still make it to were you can funtion and also lighten your w/ds a bit, if thats not something you can do, you jsut have to toughin it out and quit, it su@ks but the good thing is it is over quickly! Well anyways I am off for bed tonight but will be on here to check on you tomorrow, be strong and fight for whats important to you!

[pillzkgb]

You we're taking so much more than me and you did it! thats great, congrats!

Is my daily dosage considered "high"? under the usual recreational user dosage/. the one weird thing is in over a year I have not upped my dosage except for in the very beginning, 1-2 months in when I went from 2 a day to up to 11 but thats where it stayed.
thats good right? could it make it easier for me to stop?

[pillzkgb]

Thank you so much for your reply. Yes I have tried the taper and no it didnt work, I would go all the way down to 3 a day, pat myself on the back then take 10 the next day. If I've got them, I take them. Cold turkey scares the living **** out of me, I would love to involve a doc but because i am a mother I do not want to tell any prof about my addiction w/. fear of repercutions. So i guess I'm on my own.. I am scared, thank you for your advise

[leeisgettingclean]

hey, first let me say, you have come to the right place and welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear about your current situation, however you are not in undescovered land, many have been were you stand right now. As an addict your first and formost desire has to be getting clean. I know its hard when you have children, house work and a job, however that can not keep you from getting clean. Are you planning a taer? there are many here how have tappered and been very successfull at it, let them give you there advice. If you can not controll a taper(I never could) your only other option is cold turkey, if this is what you decide, you just have to do it. Do you have any health conditions that would prevent you from a sudden stop? If cold turkey is right for you and is what you decide to do, let me share with you my experence when I cold turkeyed..I went from a 150-200mg a day hydro addiction to 0, it was very uncomfortable for about a week, very hard to sleep, very low energy, the good thing about this route is you can claim to have the flu and it will be very believable..There are a few things you can do to make it easier, first of all, are you planning to involve a doctor? If so you can ask for a blood presurre med called clonodine, it helps with w/ds, also the Thomas recipe is here posted on the health pages along with the amino acid protocol, all the stuff is available at G.N.C. and is pretty cheap, also you are going to wanna get you some OTC sleep aid, drink LOTS of water and gaterade, eat bannasas, get excercise..its hard but very doable and the good news is after 3 or 4 days you will feel so much better. You will need a plan for aftercare, getting clean is not the hard part staying clean is. Good luck to you and please stay here and keep posting, you will get lots of support from this site, if you need anything just message me or post it here,