I can't believe I'm an addict, I don't want to believe it! I'm all alone and this struggle in infinite

[Ali1226172]

I'm feeling really alone in my addictioN!  There is part of me that is still trying to get my head around the fact that I may actually be an addict!  I'm functional as ever and I am what you would call a "secret addict".  My sister is a full blown non functional heroine addict and I am just as bad expect I work two jobs succesfully and go to school.  In a way I think my addiction is worseee cuz I am in complete secrecy and all alone struggling to get clean!  I'm on eighty mg of oxycodone a day and my habit has officially exceeded my bank account.  I  am not in major debt AGAIN and I really really need to end this love affair once and for all but, I can't seem to find a way out!  I need your help bad! Please respone, I'm feeling very very alone!  I have noone I can talk to and if my family knew I would loos everything! They don't understand addiction and after what my sister put them through they have no patience and would just kick me out on my *** and I would loose all I have worked so hard for.  But without the drugs I have no motivation to work, go to school or basically to live! I am def discovery that I have bad addiction.  The only reason I want to get out of bed in the morning is to use and now i have nothing and am scared ********! I need help!

[Back2Me]

If you really must keep your recovery a secret i guess you could always just say you came down with the flu
or something for the week while detoxing since the feelings are very much the same. Except for the emotional part. You wil probably be crying like a baby for 2-4 days an be very depressed. But still that could be from the flu?  Best bet is to come clean With people but if you can't that's an option.  

[dominosarah]

You are not alone here.  We have all felt that way and we know how lonely that is.  Getting honest with yourself is the first step as our secrets keep us sick.  Look into some sort of aftercare.  That is very important to our success in recovery.  Keep posting here and we will support you..........sara

[Tab57]

You are not alone although it may seem so. You have come to the right place here as the people here are very helpful. Your situation sounds identical to that of my friend who I am trying to help with his recovery efforts. He started treatments last week.

I am not an addict but both of my parents were alcoholics and my mother also abused prescription drugs. Growing up was a living hell at times. I have the genetic predisposition to be an addict and thank God that so far I have avoided that lifestyle so far.

I do understand addicts and the vicious cycle of additictio and have a passion to help addicts. I am here to help you in any way that I can. Please let me know what I can do to help you. I will be gald to help you.

You want to get help which is a major break through. As stated in an earlier post some of those clsoest to you may be aware that you have a problem with addiction or strongly suspect that you do. These people won't be surprisedwhen you admit your problem. You may be surprised with their reaction. People are generally understanding and hopefully somebody will rally around you and help you. In your case this may not be true due to their experience with your sister.

I am supporting my freind in his recovery efforts by holding him accountable in a loving but firm way. We trust one another implicitly which is a must. In your case Narcotics Anonymous  (NA) would be an excellent option.

Let me know how I can help you.



I'm feeling really alone in my addictioN!  There is part of me that is still trying to get my head around the fact that I may actually be an addict!  I'm functional as ever and I am what you would call a "secret addict".  My sister is a full blown non functional heroine addict and I am just as bad expect I work two jobs succesfully and go to school.  In a way I think my addiction is worseee cuz I am in complete secrecy and all alone struggling to get clean!  I'm on eighty mg of oxycodone a day and my habit has officially exceeded my bank account.  I  am not in major debt AGAIN and I really really need to end this love affair once and for all but, I can't seem to find a way out!  I need your help bad! Please respone, I'm feeling very very alone!  I have noone I can talk to and if my family knew I would loos everything! They don't understand addiction and after what my sister put them through they have no patience and would just kick me out on my *** and I would loose all I have worked so hard for.  But without the drugs I have no motivation to work, go to school or basically to live! I am def discovery that I have bad addiction.  The only reason I want to get out of bed in the morning is to use and now i have nothing and am scared ********! I need help!

[worried878]

It is a battle...like posted above...educating urself and arming urself to fight and win..plus having the attitude that u will win..is enuf to win
the health pages r full of information//the thomas recipe and lots more...u r not alone//ur addiction is talking//ur addiction has isolated u to make u feel alone..their is support and peeps around u to reach out to...addiction builds a spider wed round ur brain to make u feel hopeless and alone...the US is so full of this disease it is not funny at all..u r not alone and hiding is not helping u....seek support....admitting this to urself is a great move forward

keep posting

[kona2009]

Ali,  do you have a docter to help you come clean?  He may have something for you to make this less painful thru the detox.  I swear by the clonidine and the gabapentin as it helped me tremedously in my detox during the worst week in my life.  Beleieve me you are not alone in this fight we are here to help you in any way we can.  

Kona

[pharma9]

Only you can stop this addiction.Instead of crying about it get angry at the pills and fight this battle to win.If you are determined to win this war,you will win.You will have to arm yourself with vitamins and nutrients to be strong enough to win against this foe.On the right of this page is the thomas recipe minus the benzos and the amino acid protocol.
Deterine to stop this nonsense and we will help you along.

[Ali1226172]

I just took a **** load of nyquil to try to get some sleep cuz I can't keep crying! I hate this.. I am going to need a lot of support everyone! I want to be a better person.. Can anyone help me thro.>?  I keep praying for God to give me strenght to make it thro! Please respond, all your responses make me feel I am not alone and God knows I am here all by myself a prisoner in my own body! Opiates are the devil- anyone who has take them knows this, and please everyone try to stop with me! I hate opiates and love them at the same time, I need help bad!

[Ali1226172]

Hey thank you for you response! I honestly don't think anyone knows.  I have made it top priority to hide it and stear them away any time they ever got suspisious.  I think my parents would be in complete shock if they knew and that is what keeps me lieing and sick.  It hurts so bad that I have let it come to this.  I hate who I am and all the pain and depression keeps me using but, I know if i continue I will loose everything in my life.  I am so scared it is ridiculous- I hate how bad an addict I have become.  I lecture my sister to get help and I'm just as sick.  I miss her so much too which is mainly the reason I got so bad (the loss of her from my life).  I really want to get clean but, I literally don't know how.  My brain never stops screaming at me to go get high, just use it will kill the pain, just use to stop the anxiety, the withdrawal, and so on.  Now I am forced to stop due to lack of money but, my fear is I will go back or that I wont make it through this... I have severe depression and I'm scared of what I might do ... I honestly can't find any reason to live without pills its so sad I hate it

[Gpison]

Hey Ali,

You are definately NOT alone! Everyone here is or has been where you are. You may think you are a "secret" addict, but I bet more people are aware than you suspect. I felt exactly the same way you do. When I told my family, they sat with me and told me that they knew and were waiting for me to come to them for the help that I needed. I functioned as normal, maintained my business and thought I had it under control. The one thing that is certain is that it always gets out of our control, no exceptions.

The honest truth here is that if you are at the point in your life that you are ready to take your life back, the next week will be rough, but if you stay here with us, post often, you WILL make it to the other side. There is no magic pill, no shortcuts. We all have to pay the price for our addiction at some point. But you can overcome it! You can wake up in the mornings smiling and happy if you want it bad enough.

I wish you all the best!