Day 18 ~ trying to find some middle ground

[sweatinit]

hey everyone, it's day 18 and i feel like i am on this emotional roller coaster.  I think the "high" of getting clean is gone and I am feeling kinda flat. I guess depressed? I dont even know. I've been trying to keep busy, but it's lurking. Is anyone going through this? Is it normal? I have never really quit before so, this is all pretty new to me. I am going to go buy some vitamins today. I am hoping that will make me feel better and perhaps give me a little energy that I am lacking. Love you guys!

[sweatinit]

Thanks you guys. I guess this funk just comes with the territory. your words of encouragement help so much! My poor husband feels so helpless. Thank God i told him. He wouldve thought i was going off the deep end. I'm sure it'll pass.

I was on well butrin yrs ago for short period of time to help quit smoking. the problem with it was that it gave me insomnia wicked bad. So I was up all night smoking...lol I guess it was too much seratonin in my brain. I am afraid to take an antidressant anyway. I have been supressing my feeling and emotions for so long, i thinki just need to deal with it.

I also went to GNC but got teh vits they recommended for PAWS. I took a bike ride and just got out of the jacquzzi. Gonna watch some TV and then get praying till i fall asleep.

Tomorrow is a new day and I am looking forward to it. You guys keep me going. Congrats on your clean time too!  Thank you again for taking the time to write to me! xxoo

[jp2001]

First- You are doing awesome!  Day 18!!  

If I remember correctly from another post, you are smoking.  It could be worthwhile to visit the doc for a Wellbutrin script.  It's an antidepressant, and may also have the side affect of helping you cut down on smoking.

I'm not there yet, and have appreciated the warning that upcoming for me(currently on day 6) is going to be a bit of a downward slope from my current "yeay i'm clean!" feeling.  

I also picked up some supplement from GNC by New Chapter called "Stress take care".  It has rhodiola, which I read about in another thread, and I've been taking it since day two.  I think it is helping with keeping my spirits high.

Congrats again sweatinit!  I'm so proud to read through all your past posts and see how far you have come!

[gnarly_1]

hey girlee well you won the first battle but now goes on the war of addiction...your emotions will come back on line both good and bad...my conslor calls them "rebound'
emotions with the ups and downs it like our brain is trying to get from a to b but instead
it is going from a to d to c to b..the internal wiring is messed up and the brain needs to remember how to fire again  this is perfectly normal and will stabilize in time....mean wile you just sorta have to deal with the roller coaster...you have to have lows in life in order to feel highs...life is full of a wide range of emotions and we need to find constructive ways of dealing with them both the lows as well as the highs ...
you will find as time goes by you sorta get use to it and things seam to stabilize
better with time...for your lows pull close to God and ask him to deliver you of
your down in the dump feelings ..praying always seams to help me so I  recommend you try it..as for the highs...im bi/polar so the highs can be just as nerve racking
as the lows ...it takes some getting use to a hyper/alert mind that races..just know in time things will get better..coming off narcotics is a wild ride emotionally and it is often why so many fail..so be mindful...take your thoughts captive..analyze them
and pull close to God he will get you threw ...good luck and god bless...Gnarly    

[Dafishman]

You are right where you are supposed to be. Just make the decision to take the right next step and our heavenly Father will show you what that is. I am right there too. My pink cloud left me today. I know that is just a part of the process. Also, try not to set you hopes on other items to bring a you that "good feeling" That is what we were practicing before. It's an old habit. Pretty soon our brains natural pharmacy will be back in business and it will supply the necessary chemicals we need to get our emotions in line. You got a lot of great advise from everyone here today.

Hang tight you are doing great!!!

[sweatinit]

I went to GNC and got  vit. B comp, multi, C, Calcium, Melatonin and 5HTP...I ahve been reading alot of the health pages too. the rest of the day is waiting for me and tomorrow is a new day! I think my bike is calling my name. Thanks for all of you input and support.

[pharma9]

I know the feeling...After the initial high of beimg clean,I had a little let down myself....kind of like"is this all there is to it?"But I realized that i wanted that stable feeling without the super highs and lows that drugs bring and realized that the calmness that comes with being clean is what I really want.I still want that inner peace,not the highs and lows and rejoice in every day.I still take my vitamins and Bcomplex with zinc and am glad that I am not chained to an addiction.Be proud in your accomplishment and hold your head high and joy will come with the simple things of life.

[dedicatedtostop]

You are doing fantastic!!! Everyday is going to be a little different, but you have this thing deafeated. Stay positive and stay strong. You have came so far. Remember YOU ARE DELIVERED!! Confess it over and over and over. Also confess not that I am depressed, but I am happy. Life and death relies in the power of the tongue. Keep up the great work. This too shall pass.....Big Hugz

[sweatinit]

Thanks so much for encouragement. I dont feel like I am going to go back as I am resolved to become who I am supposed to be; drug free. I do rely on God a lot, but I'm ashamed to say it's not always enough. Thanks again!!

[guv338]

I'm not going thru it now, but trust me anyone with clean time has been there and done that.  Sounds like your ride on the pink cloud has ended and the reality of life without drugs is setting in.  Unfortunatley it may seem like a bad thing from where you are right now, but in reality it is the best thing you could hope for.  Your real life is starting back, your real emotions are coming back, your real feelings are starting to come through.  It seems to me that the recovery process, ie; detox & withdrawal, wants to make sure we are really wanting to do this.  Just testing to make sure that we wont change your mind, so it throws every possible emotion at us that we aren't used to having to deal with.  

You will pass this test, just keep your nose pointed in the right direction and the rest of you will follow.  Now is not the time to quit, give in or even consider those as options.  There not options, not if you want to live again.  You are so close to being in a better place.  Just dont forget that, even when it seems unbearable.  You can go another day, or hour, or however long it takes to get you to your freedom.  Just remember that you are worth it, and you and only you can get you there.  May God bless you and keep during these difficult time.  guv

[Calamity2]

I just saw (in another post you made) that you have faith in God also. But for the grace of God go I.. Sometimes when I was going through wds and thought I was going to cave, I just cried out to him. He tells us to. One of my prayers was, God precious Savior have mercy. have mercy thank you for your mercy thank you Lord for you are merciful. Talk to him when the racing thoughs or fear comes.  

[Calamity2]

Congrats on day 18 !!!   If you never got sober from anyting before then you probally never saw one of those graphs that they show you in rehab.  When we get clean from things that numb us it takes time for our bodys and minds TIME to adjust. The graphs show high peaks and very low dips. then with time we are more toward the center of the chart. This is totally normal. Are you drinking lots of water, green tea, lemmonaide or something to flush daily. Buying vitimans is a great idea. I do have a hard time remembering to take pills that dont give me a buzz , but they are important so I put them by my tooth brush. Don't be depressed. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Make yourself do it. Staying busy is good and exercise is real important too.