Day 6... hanging in there. Kind of.

[BookwormBella]

Hello everyone.. I'm "Bella" (nickname of mine) and I'm a 28 year old mom from Ohio.

I'm really struggling right now mentally. Last Monday (9/22) was my last dose and even then, it was only 2 tramadol. My normal dose is 8-10 norco 10's or 5-6 tramadol (per day, both orally). I don't do any other type of drug, nor do I drink. I have been on them since Feb 2006, with a little over a year break when I was pregnant and breastfeeding. My addiction has only been around for the last 5 years but this dosing is still relatively new, at just under a year. I AM prescribed them due to a barrage of medical issues and unfortunate genes - this is what is causing my mental struggle. I DO have legit problems. My addiction stemmed from my doctor not listening and not being willing to change my medication. I have been on the exact same dose since I first started taking them - norco 10 4X daily, tramadol 4X daily. I developed a tolerance and they were no longer helping my pain so I started taking more of them, more often. The thing is, this month, due to my doctor going on impromptu vacation, I have been (re)scheduled 10 days out from the time I should be due for my script again. Because I do take more than I should, there is about a week every month when I am out. I detox for at least a few days every month but never the full week that I'm out. This is the longest I have ever gone without a pill (not counting my break, obviously) since I started taking them 8 1/2 years ago. But because I've been detoxing for a few days every month, the first 24 hours aren't that horrible for me physically, just mentally. That being said, Wednesday was pure misery for me. Thursday was close to the worst I have ever felt and I ended up having a friend (yes a friend, not a dealer) brought over an 8mg suboxone for me. I cut it into 1/4ths and the 1/4 lasted me a full 24 hours. I was given another half of an 8mg strip yesterday (so, 4mg) and I cut it in half also. I took 2mg Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I waited today to take it until 32 hours from my last dose and did not take the full 2mg. I have been in a pretty good amount of pain from my medical issues since before I started to even detox but I happened to do myself over real well this month because I started detoxing 2 days into a fibro flare up and it is showing NO signs of easing up any time soon. I feel great otherwise other than a mild fog. I know I'm detoxing but it's just really not a big deal to me anymore - what is screwing with me is the pain. When the sub was brought to me, I waited a while to take it because I didn't want to take it just because I was out of my pills. I made the decision to take it to get clean. I have NO cravings for a pill but with that being said, my pain was nearly debilitating today and it still is tonight. I just don't know what to do. I'm on day 6 and I have come so, SO far and I know the worst part is already over and I'm so close to being free but my pain is literally acting as a ball and chain and I just.. I don't know. I have tried SO many other medications it's sad. I lost my license thanks to Lyrica and Gabapentin because I was blacking out while driving (thankfully never hurt anyone) and at 28, I'm TIRED of it. I want to have MY life back. I just don't know what other options I have here. I don't know if I'm going to have the self control to take only what I'm supposed to if I have them in front of me again. I need my doctor to up my dose or something - combine, SOMETHING. But he won't listen and in case ya haven't noticed, it's a really BAD time for me to up and look for a new doctor. Especially when I've established a 3 1/2 year relationship with this doctor.

Words of advice? Suggestions? Hope everyone is doing well!

Thanks!
-Bella

[BookwormBella]

It has now been 51 hour since my last dose of sub, which was about 1mg. Slight w/d and a decent amount of pain but I'm in the mind set that I am DONE. I could live the rest of my life feeling this way which isn't really 'up to par' but I think I'd be okay. I know that within a few days, this too shall pass and I will be able to start my new life. The subs really were a life saver to me - I'm thankful to have found them!!

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

I know you feel horrible...and part of the pain you are feeling is from your brain...it is going to tell you the pain is much worse than it usually is to try to get you to take a pill.

Outside of the fibro are there any specific diagnosis for your pain issues?  If so and we know what they are we can maybe help out with suggestions for non-opiate medications.  For instance I always suggest Lidoderm patches for joint/arthritis pain and for nerve pain.  It is available in generic form and the patch is good for 12 hours.  The main medication is lidocaine (just like the dentist uses) so it also helps with nerve pain.

Another medication I suggestion is Voltaren Gel...you rub in a certain amount (a little measuring tab comes with the gel) and you use it every 4 hours.  It has helped me immeasurably especially when it comes to inflammation (I can't take NSAIDs).

Anyway those are just a couple of suggestions.  You could also go over to the pain management forum on MH....you could probably get some excellent suggestions there too!

[jifmoc]

Bella- so so so many folks on here w/ lots of clean time have serious pain/medical issues and they are doing it w/o opiates. So many of us were just like you: started off taking as prescribed then taking more and more. I only did norcos, too. Never any other drugs or drink. Question: in the last 5 years have you ever been able to take as directed?

I'm asking you if you want to be clean. Free from the hell that is opiate addiction. Detoxing every month sux! I did the same thing. And right now you are having "rebound" pain. You know about that I'm sure: when detoxing, everything that doesn't hurt now hurts like hell.

Taking the subs the way you did is not gonna help. They have to be dr directed. What happens when you run out? Back to the same pattern. Also, sub withdrawl, from what the other members on here who have been on it say it's worse than norcos to w/d from. Besides you are just self-medicating on top of self-medicating.

Let us know what you want to do and we will be here to help you through it:)