Day One Off Of Fiorinal - Feeling AWFUL

[daughter_of_the_King]

I am/have been in recovery since 1988.  My last vice, and the hardest thing to ever kick for me, is pain meds.  I have migraines and use Imitrex on a pretty regular basis.  Once in a while I'll get a script for hydrocodone from my neurologist, but I ALWAYS misuse it.  Then I go a while without using any pain meds.

A couple of weeks ago, after a horrible bout of migraines that didn't seem to want to respond much to my Imitrex, I ordered some Fiorinal online.  I was like a total fiend, and I took it like candy right from the get go.  I ordered it a 2nd time, and continued to eat it like candy.  Yesterday I took the last of what I had and am bound and determined to NOT order it online again.  I feel horrible today and the "addict" in me keeps telling me to just order it one more time so that I can taper off of it the right way and not feel so darned sick.  But my mind knows that I'll just eat it like candy once I have it.  I've been an addict for a long time, and the urge never completely leaves you.

I'm just here to look for support.  I've read about several of you who have quit "cold turkey" recently, and have managed to not be so sick that you can't continue to post.  I figure that if you can do it, I can do it too.

Please say a prayer for me.  Thanks, and God bless you all!!!

[daughter_of_the_King]

As I said to you in a previous post, I am in a recovery program called "Celebrate Recovery".  I've done AA and NA in the past, but I find this program to be much better.  Yes... cyber help is good to a certain degree, but it allows for too much isolation.  And I can isolate all too well as it is.  Real people are my first choice, for sure.

My craving went away almost immediately, and I didn't even suffer withdrawal symptoms for much more than a day.  God is SO good to me.

Blessings

[mtgoat911]

my firends mom used to use some kind of gun looking thingy for her mignanes
i remember we always had to turn all the lights out and be real quite
it looks like you already see what the problem is
on your first post you say you have been in recovery for a while, i am guessing that is aa or na
i am in na, i also have to deal with illness and chronic pain,
the other day i was on a recovery website and i swear to you that i had this pop up on my computer "by fironal now"
i could not believe it!!! i have been clean for 4 yrs, and at the time was taking chemo, and i had to call my husband (also in recovery) he was not familiar with that drug, but i told him how much power just saying that word out loud had over me!! no body is perfect, recovery does not prevent us from cravings, when i get the urge to use i immeadiatly call someone before i do anything, the urge to use always goes away, i just have togive it time.
I hope you can go back to na or aa and talk about this, cyber help will never take the place of meetings
good luck to you

[daughter_of_the_King]

GoingToMakeIt:  I just now saw your avatar.  It's ADORABLE, and so appropriate.  Today has been better, although I've had to use Imitrex twice already.  But Imitrex is not a narcotic.  It's the one thing that almost always works on my migraines, so I really NEVER have an excuse to take any pain meds.

Harvey:  Thanks for your encouragement.  I'd like to encourage you, also!  Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back up on that wagon!!!

[harvey576]

Stay strong but who am i to say that considering ive just fell off the wagon

[GoingToMakeIt]

Each day usually gets better. Keep hanging in there. Ibuprofen helps sometimes, too.

[daughter_of_the_King]

It was a bit of a rought night, but I made it.   I'm here at work and while I have a bit of a headache, I feel much better than I thought I would - now on day 2 with no Fiorinal.

Thanks for the welcome avisg.  

[avisg]

I very very glad to hear you did not give that info out . Plz be careful I am glad you have decided to gt off it now ,a few more months down the line would be even harder.good luck we are here for support

[GoingToMakeIt]

There is no edit feature. You are OK. People just don't want you to go through any unnecessary problems. Hopefully you will do fine.

[daughter_of_the_King]

Yes, goingtomakeit... I know that you must be careful.  I've recently started taking Topamax as a migraine preventative (which is an anti-seizure drug), so I feel a little bit more at ease as far as withdrawal seizures occurring.  It's been 24 hours now, and I haven't had any mental withdrawal... just headache and sick to my stomach, along with some body aches.  I will be careful, though.  Thanks for your advice.

Mtgoat... yes, I've been battling this for a long time, but as I said... "I'll never give up on getting better".  I do know that I need to tell my support group, which I will tomorrow night at my next meeting.  I go to Celebrate Recovery, which is based on the beatitudes from the Bible, but also mixes in 12-step recovery stuff.  It's been a great help to me.  One might not think so, since I've used, but I know that using has totally been my own choice and I have no one or nothing to blame it on, but myself.  It's in my make up (to want to use), and for me, it's only by God's help that I can NOT use, one day at a time.

And Coolio... it IS **** that you can buy this garbage online... but that's just it.  It's GARBAGE.  I don't even really know what I was putting into my body.  But that's the way an addict can act, sometimes.  Makes no sense, and even though I am a very intelligent person, my "addict" can make all of that go right out the window.

As for getting things online, anyone can figure that out if they want to BADLY enough.  I'm feeling bad about even mentioning that here, now.  I've already gotten one message from someone who wanted to know where I purchased the Fiorinal.  I did not give out this information, as I don't have it any longer, and wouldn't be comfortable giving it out even if I did.

I'm just here for support.  I hope my post has not caused any problems.  Maybe I could edit my post?  Who can tell me how to do that?

[Coolio Hernendez]

What is Fiorinal ?

Thats ***** that you can just buy it on-line. Who knows who (kids) might figure that out.

[mtgoat911]

i tell you i live in so much fear sometimes
i have been clean since 2004 but i have hep c and auto immune disease
i have been able to live narcotic free for 4 yrs, but i am always wondering if i can make it though all my medical problems without narcs

although migranes and liver disease are not the same problem
i may have some experience living with chronic pain in recovery

first of all the minute you order narcotics off the internet you have left recovery
so go get a white chip

so thats out of the way, getting honest with your 12step group is a start

learn how to manage your headaches without narcotics, i use the fibermyalgia steps to recovery for my pain
gets me by

i also keep a copy of the na book illness in recovery by brd

oopps...my sponsor just called, goto go

hope you can figure something out, let me know if i can help

[GoingToMakeIt]

It is not wise to quit cold turkey from Fiorinal. Barbiturates should be tapered off of.
Be careful.