Dealing with Parents addiction

[Jennydilly]

My mother has had problem over the last several years with drugs, maily loratabs. She has stolen from people that trusted her. Including her own children's that were prescibed for a reason. She has gone to detoxic, half way houses, NA meetings several times. After everytime she claims to be better but next thing I know she steals them from me or some else. The other day she came over and then all of the sudden left in a hurry. My husband hurt his back and had some pills the doctor had given him. He went to go get one and they were all gone. I know it was her because she did the same thing she always does when she steals them. She leaves in a hurry then latter calls me non stop (my guess is she calls to see if I know it was her so she can make up some lie). I dont know what to say to her anymore. She lies all the time so I cant confrot her I just havent answered any of her calls. What should I do?

[newmanagment]

BTW- you can find co-dependent meetings by calling a local AA/NA meeting house, or churches will usually be able to help you find them too. try one it may help alot

[newmanagment]

I cant add more than bmc or cathy, its time for tough love. No more letting her in the house, or enabling her in her addiction. she is gonna be mad about it. We as addicts do not like to be called out on our addiction, or our lies. Try some co-dependent meetings for yourself , they will help you learn about addiction so you may better understand the reason she does what she does. and how ti deal with it. I am an addicted father,my two year old is on my lap as i type. I fight daily to stay clean for ME, but my kids are my motivation. Good luck to you and my prayers are with your mom!

[10356]

This all sounds so familiar, your mom could be me. I raised my children to not lie and to speak their mind and they did. One time my son got some vics from the dentist, I took them over a peirod of days when he went back to the dentist they asked if he had anymore my son told the dentist I had taken them  Wow was I humiliated, I told him he did the right thing not to lie, I was confronted with the truth from my wonderfully intelligent kids at every turn. They never turned away from me,  but they never cut me any slack either. My hubby and daughter went to my doctor one time when I was really spun out and told him what I was doing, I had to see my Dr. every three days for six weeks until I got a handle on my-self. At every turn my family has been honest with me that has allowed me to be honest with them, I want their respect so bad and I so want them to respect me. I'm constantly aware when I'm screwing up. These are only a few examples there are many more that would take pages but accumulated it has given me strength and self awareness, I'm out in the spot lite. I hope this helps a little Limbo

[road2recovery]

you said the last several yrs?  how many do you mean??

Was she a good mother before lortabs?
I know i was and that is why i ask, these pills change the person we are...I promise if you would see me on the street you would never think i stole, lied, or that i was an addict...this is my advice to you..
Get help for yourself first..Like read on here ask questions,, because if you are not an addict , u can never fully understand with alot of knowledge...Then , tough love, u don't have to let her back in your house....But then again , i don't know you mother, i am the type that i would need my child, I would need a friend to lean on, and support me...
But then if i didn't staighten up, i would expect tough love...Because i cannot live without my kids love..
hope this helps some
r2r

[bmc1976]

I totally agree with Marce. Answer the phone and tell her you know she took the pills. She is your mother and I'm sure you want a relationship with her. Telling her you know might just help her out more than you think.

[cathy5841]

brian is right you cannot make her.  and yes all addicts lie.  there comes a time when you have to practice tough love.  tell her she can not come to your house UNLESS she is willing to get help.  then it is up to her.  i kn ow how heart breaking it can be.  i have been there with my daughter.  we are here if you have any questions, need to vent or just chat.
cathy

[Marce4]

Wow....your mother sounds identical to me....we know where to go to get the drugs without a thought to who it affects!  I never had a drug problem until I had back surgery issues starting about 3 1/2 years ago and a subsequent back surgery after that.  I have stolen, lied and cheated those I love and am now so ashamed....We steal at  whatever the cost and it really is quite pathetic!  I totally understand your anger but you need to confront her and let her know that in no uncertain terms that you know!!!!!  You cannot make her stop but she needs to know that you will not tolerate this behavior from her!  I sound like a hippocrit but the shame of my behavior and realizing what I was doing to those who I love and who love me the most, are what gives me the motivation I need to stay in recovery!  I'm so sorry for my and her very poor behavior!

[bmc1976]

You  can not make her quit. She has to want to in order to be successful. All you can do is talk to her and try to convince her to stop. She might need some sort of a long term detox. If you have pain meds in your house, make sure you lock them up or hide them. She needs and help. There's not much you can do. She has to want it for herself. Best of luck to you.
Brian