Detoxing, dealing with setbacks...........help!!!!

[OxyDout]

Hey guys, I had a minor set back over the holidays, I took 40mg of oxycontin last night, the good news is, I felt awful(mentally), I was so upset at myself.  I was with my girlfriend and I was so mad that I I felt like I needed to get fu... up to be there.  I completely regret it, It was just another sign that I know I'm done with these things.  It was weird, it was like I was an addict all over again, like I had to depend on going to get some before I saw her, WHAT AN AWFUL FEELING, I can't tell you guys how incredible it is to be able to do what you want whenever you want  Anyway, I have restless leg today and I have to work, but I can make it through, I know I can, my question is, how long do you think I will feel this restless leg?? I don't know if I have any other wd symptoms cause I have bronchitis and an ear infection so I'm very out of it. Well, I have to get going, but this was just a minor setback, I don't want anyone to think that I"m going back to using because I"m not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope all is well, keep your head up!!

gwh

[butterbeans]

Kip, I too have had these overwhelming feelings of guilt for taking the meds, especially when I take too many.  I too go off of them and detox quite often.  But, I am going to stop.  I have talked to myself and my doctor and I know that my pain is severe chronic pain, pain that I have suffered with for over 20 years.  Until 6 years ago, I was miserable a lot and drank wine to try and deal with the pain,  I hate drinking and hangovers, but, unless you are a chronic pain person, you don't and can't understand why people like me will do anything to get some pain relief.  The doctors have been great, and they make me feel better when I feel I am addicted to this medication.  But, I live a productive life now ,thanks to these meds. I will make the resolution/fact to not take too many meds at once,  I know I will make a mistake sometimes, but, I also know now that the right thing for me is to continue taking medication that helps me deal with pain that in the past kept me from being able to get up and go to work sometimes, to do things with my ex and my children.  When I read your posts, I can tell that you feel guilty about the meds, but, if yu need them, take them  It sounds like you have a wonderful woman in your life who understands how badly you need them.  Chronic pain, like diseases such as cancer and heart disease, can happen to anyone at anytime.  I never thought it would happen to me, but, I want to spend the rest of my life as active, happy, and able to work and do things. I told my doc the other day I was getting scared that I might have to go on disability if I go off the meds.  He is ordering another MRI to see if and why my pain is getting worse.  I rarely have a day that I am not in chronic pain now.  I can barely walk or stand.  Lying down brings a little relief.  I still have pain even with meds, but, I told doc not to up my dosage and not to give me anything stronger.  But, I feel better now that I have accepted that I need these meds and I will work to try and take them only as perscribed.  Skipper, yu can do that too.  Hang in there, be good to yourself, it is not your fault that your body has chronic pain, but, you can help yourself.  I thank you for your posts, they have helped me so much.  I feel much happier now that I have decided to use my meds and life is great !!!  
Love Butterbeans

[Telby]

Sweetie, check down in lower post for the address to the new board.  I hope you can get on.  Check back here later tonight as Wizard has given me permission to post his EMail for you.  He really wants to hear from you so I'll make sure you get it.  I have to find it first but I will get to you this evening.  Your in my prayers - you are so brave to live such a caring life while in so much pain.  I love ya, Telby

[skipper]

hey people:
thanks to GWH, Witchy Woman, Francoise, and Butterbeans. the sup-
port you all have given me will certainly keep me coming back.
thankyou.. i think i'll be alright for now.

i can't really explain my need to detox myself on a regular basis.
i do know at present i really need to be on oxy... you know i think
back to my junk shooting days and i should be happy with all this
poison (large Rx to oxy-c), but i'm not. i'm just afraid of some-
thing i can't seem to put my finger on. addiction can be such a
strange affliction!

need everyone of yous
keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[Telby]

I was thinking about Skipper and how even though he needs the meds, and deserves the meds, he still struggles with the effect they have on his life.  The difference maybe between narcotics and heart medicine, or insuline is that they don't effect every area of ones life.  In the old days we believed somewhat anyway that drugs brought people closer together, closer to inlightenment and spirituality. Found out the hard way that is not true, they often block us from those things and more. Become an obsticle in clearly seeing ourselves and our place in the world - in the ability to have true intimacy with others.  So I take my hat off to Skipper, he is continuing to challange the role drugs play in his life.  I think it is a brave and couragous battle and he is the top dog.  love ya Kip, Telby

[kerrysfine]

well I did just what you said. I had him hide them. I think he just keeps them n his jacket pocket. But anyway, I'm still here.
Thanks for the help. I found that helping him out in his time of need made me feel really good. Screw the pills.
Kerry

[jule1]

I hate to see you hurting so bad and being so hard on yourself.  You are so lucky to have a wife like you do.  I have a wonderful husband who would do anything in the world for me and I am grateful to have him every day.  I was just reading from Bijou and she wants to detox shes al by herself and scared to death.  I know your situations are different but I feel for her and you.  I havent posted here a lot but always read your posts and care about you and theres not a damn thing you can do about it either!!  Love, Jules