GOD I CANT TAKE THIS

[Beenerkitty]

Day 9 ***** *** big time so far. im making it thru work half assed. im crying every ten minutes. im ssssooo mad. i want to sleep a deep deep sleep but im on call the next 2 days. how am i gonna do this. im really struggling.

[Beenerkitty]

no. thank you.im having to learn how to do my job all over again-sober. the pills helped mr deal with the reality of the situation i was in. watching a parent lose a child to cancer or some other terminal illness can be a bit overwhelming. but i remember a long long long time ago when i did do it sober and i was good at it. i just have to find that person again somewhere deep down inside me. the boyfriend situation just blows big time. my confidence is shot and i reallly feel like a sac of dirty stinky monkey balls right now. im hurt and trying to get sober. its hard to do with a broken heart. i PM'd you. dont worry i didnt BM you. thats good to know
Bkitty

[ForgotRomans828]

You are in my prayers!!!!  I am trusting GOD to minister to you through your patients.  The first couple of weeks are no picnic, (despite the "boyfriend"  - imagine the Greek father in My Big Fat Greek Wedding saying the word; boyfriend!)
You have a lot of support here and people who geniunely are pulling for you.
Keep posting, and feel the love here for you!  (Was that too, ugh, new age? ;-)
Love you Beener!

[Beenerkitty]

I was on vics and percs 10-15day for over a year and whatever i could get my hands on or snort up my nose. i crushed the pills to snort. liquid morphine, lorazepam whatever i could find. the thing is i didnt have to pay for any of it. it was handed to me like candy. im 9 days clean. past the physical withdrawals except for sweats, but man do i have the mental. i started on AD's a week before i quit cuz ive had depression in the past. i took the pills cuz they made me feel good. well at one time they did-but then they turned on me. before that i abused prescription meds on and off. so 9 days without a single pill/drug in my system is a big deal. i havent been healthy in a long time. i thought i had a good support system in place with the boyfriend. ha ha. wrong. so now im doing this alone. my parents dont know. i cant tell them. maybe later-but not now. luckily i didnt live with him-i still have my townhouse with my roomate and kitties. i packed up my stuff yesterday and came home.my roomate knows. he has 10yrs sobriety and he is a huge support-but he is gone for the weekend. so im alone. im on call and it sounds like its going to be busy-an admission and 2 babies dying. so ill see what this night brings me.  

take care
Bkitty

[ForgotRomans828]

Just a question hon.  How much of a role did your looser boyfriend play in your choice to use?  I guess what I mean is, if it was so wonderful being with him, why were you using.
I used because my life is one giant pressure valve and I am on the wrong side of it.  I realized I was a "single mom" in a marriage.  Once I went through AWD, I realized I had to stop taking it all on, ask for help, make healthy choices in all aspects of my life - including my family life.  My kids are doing more to pitch in and surprisingly, so is my husband.  See, when we are taking care of ourselves, people who love us, (really love us) support us to be healthy.  We end up being happier people and more pleasant to be around.  Those Hospice patients and they're families are a perfect avenue for you to channel your attention and care to, right now, until Mr. Right, (or even temporarily right) steps into your life and supports you being a healthy, whole person.  Love yourself enough to let Mr. Wrong go, and open the door to that special person who will really love you.  All my love and support.

[OKnotOK]

Well, it took philster to address the "boyfriend" situation, and he certainly dealt with that in plain English. Sounds like you got to know how pathetic, insensitive, and, let's face it, not-too-bright your boyfriend/unwanted furniture turned out to be. Put it out for a charity pick-up.

How much of what were you taking? How long since your last dalliance with it? There are lots of people here who can provide specifics; they've taken what you're taking, and they found a way out. It's helping me a lot. I don't have some long-latent urge to become "Ann Landers on Oxy's" (that would be a great gig, mind you), but if you can get some medical/therapy assistance here, and look at the long view, where your horny internet sack of **** ends up with a dose from a promiscuous transvestite, and you're set up in your own place, that might help a bit. Is there someone you can stay with for a while? Coming home to that ain't helping.

Keep us informed.

[philster]

You are strong! You were alone. Scumbag was not there, only pretending. You are strong and didnt even know it. Single life has its fine points. Make the most of it to find out who you are. Look at all the posts you are getting. You will not be alone long. TRUST ME. I AM TRUSTWORTHY !