Guilty!

[IWantMyLifeBack5525]

So here I am on day 5....feeling really guilty...I did not slip up agian (YAY!!) but I am hiding from my family today...I parked my car far away and walked back to my house and told everyone I had to be somewhere today....just because I am having a bad mental day and need some time to myself without my family in my ear talking about how I need to go here and there and do this and that.(my family being mom dad and sister, took the hubby to work and kids to school) I just feel like I need a break!!!! Am I being a horrible person by doing this?  I feel guilty for lying to them but there is no way they would understand how I feel they are the type of people that just say suck it up and forget about it...easier said than done....they do not know about my addiction and even if they did according to them its just something I am just supose to stop doing then its all better!!! unfourtually its not easy and it dosnt work that way. I cant wait till I have even an ounce of energy in me to do something. Yesterday was my daughters birthday and I was actually happy real happy not pill happy..lol....I am glad I can feel again but its also a very hard adjustment some of the things i feel I would rather not feel...I considered seeing a shrink but not quite sure how to go about it...I know how people look at addicts and I dont want to be looked at like that...what do I say hi I am addict and I need help!? any advice or suggestions are welcome I need to know what I am supose to do now? Thanks for letting me ramble feels good to let it out :)

[realtime]

If you are addicted to pain pills especially oxycodone please go on line and look up "oxycontin express" just to see how bad these pills are and how they can take over your life.It should scare people into trying to stop abusing their bodies and mind.

[IWantMyLifeBack5525]

hi thanks for your comments I am going to go get the valerian root asap....I never expirenced anxiety untill I decided to come clean so I was unfamiliar about what was even happening to me at first...I feel good today a llil tired but my mood is ok so far. (ask again in a hour and may be a diff answer...lol) I dont think I had this many mood swings when I was pregnant :) well all I can say is I did this to myself and now I have to undo it....oh and I watched the oxycotin express and wow that was a horrible thing to watch...thanks again for everything its greatly appriciated!!!!

[10356]

Valerian Root.. will help with the anxiety you can get it at the drug store and is inexpensive..I do not know about Dr.s but I'm glad you found us and you are feeling a lil stronger. You may try AA or NA they are free and you will receive great support and knowledge about what you are going through. sorry to read your dr. is a B!tch :( I had a weekend dr when my shoulder was replaced knew about my addiction and he was the same thing !! Take care of yourself and maybe look harder even in the next county it might be worth starting fresh.

[IWantMyLifeBack5525]

Thanks everyone for the kind words....I just dont even know where to begin looking for a doctor to help me I hate my primary doctor she is a total B***** she would deffinally make me feel worse....I hate to admit it I doctor shopped and now that I need one I have exhusted all my options as far as doctors go....I had a really nice dr but he moved his practice and the person that took his place well lets just say I will take the chances on my own....does any one know if there are programs out there to help pay for these antidepressent drugs?  oxys were cheap only 4 dollars, but the others are all so high....thanks again everyone I was starting to doubt my self a lil till I got on here.  also someone mentioned an herbal way to calm anxiety anyone know what it is called?  Thanks again!!

[10356]

I have told my doctors therapist that I'm a addict and they do not look down at me at all.. I have received a kind of respect that surprised me. My Dr. never smiles and when I told him not to write anymore refills he did !! It has been a big help and a comfort to me to be so honest with those that can help me the most.. Therapy is a wonderful place to get things off your chest and to have a opinion that is not biases I would recommend it for any addict. Congratulations on getting back up and getting clean.. life on drugs is no life at all.. lesa

[momloves54]

Sweetie I just want you to know I will be here for you any way I can !! Ive seen the hurt and torment that my son has been through no one should have to go through it alone everyone of us needs someone to care and to help lift us up! YOU CAN MAKE IT !!!!!!!!!  IM HERE !

[dominosarah]

I think seeing a therapist would be very beneficial to you.  Tell them you are an addict and you need help.  They will help you and not look down on you.  It is very important to get this sort of help......we need to find out why we have numbed ourselves up like we did.  Tell them also about being diagnosed with depression and that you stopped your meds.  Being able to tell someone how you feel will be a big weight off your shoulders.  You are doing great......keep it going.         sara

[IWantMyLifeBack5525]

you are so kind and your son is lucky to have a mom like you...I just feel guilty not only hiding from them but for my addiction also...I feel like I completly missed the last 3 years of my life.  I am really thinking of seeing a therapist..I was diagnosed with depression before but stopped taking all my meds becasue the only ones i really cared about were the oxys.  I am not sure what I wil say when I get there but I have to do something the mental part of this addiction is really hurting me....I plan on telling my family someday but someday farther down the road...again thanks for the words of kindness :)

[momloves54]

YAY for day 5 awesome ! I'm so sorry that you have to go hide from your family but don't feel guilty everyone needs some space and you say they would not understand your addiction if you told them . Family alot of times do and say things that are hard and do not stop and think before they speak because they love and want to help you they mean well but there are times we need Time alone to search our own thoughts and feelings out with out interference and with you going though withdraws this is one of them times, sounds like you are battling alot of depression right now and i think a therapist would really help you ! and yes I would say hi I am an addict and i need help !  do not worry about how people look at addicts you need some help sweetie and you deserve it addict or not ! Try calling detox or rehab centers and ask if you can talk to one of there  therapist maybe you would feel better talking to some one who deals with addiction!! Just wanted you to know im here if you ever need to talk my son is also an addict hes 36 and started when he was 17 .   Food for thought Addiction gives nothing but takes everything even life and it is not a respecter of persons rich, poor, white, red or black .It comes to kill still and destroy! You can beat this ! seek some counseling  You are in my prayers ! Oh one day you will have to tell your family of your addiction honey the truth will set you free but this will happen when your ready to tell them ! Im here

[IWantMyLifeBack5525]

I was taking between 25-30 oxycodone 5/325 a day or vicodin what ever I could get my hands on.the withdrawls were worse for me day 1 2 and 3 on day 4 I started to feel better...I made it 11 days before I slipped up and took 3 one day but now I am back on day 5. The W/D's suck you get restless legs, no energy , sweating alot! but cold at the same time....somepeople get more depending on what and how much they were using...but the physcial part is usually over at around day 4 the mental part is the hard part..that last awhile thats how I slipped up and I didnt even really want them it was just such a habbit for me and I had them in my hand a poof before I relized what I did I took them and instantlly regretted it.  how much are you on and what are you taking?  a couple days of w/d arnt as bad when you think about the end result of being free and happy...message me if you want to talk :) you can do this!

[realtime]

HI. I am 4 weeks 2 days clean from oxycodones and morphine. I have felt just like you are felling now.The difference is that I told everyone on my family.My husband knew because he is an addict also. He has not quit.I told my daughter whos 9 she is a gifted child and was able to understand that mommies doctor put me on the meds to help with my back and legs (im disabled) but that the meds were no longer helping and mommy had to take them to not get sick.Annd thats what was happening i would run oout early and have to get more somewhere else. It wasnt about pain control anymore it was about having enough to just feel normal.Anyway up till about a week ago I didnt want to be around my daughter my husband or the new puppies that i have.I felt real guilty especially when i would scream at my sweet daughter for no reason, but she watched a show with me on opiate addiction and it explained the reason you feel this way.The natural endorphins that your brain produces has stopped because you were getting them from the pills and when you quit cold turkey like i did after taking them for yrs it takes your brain time to start producing those natural endorphins again.So dont feel guilty and be honest.My husband told me about a week into it "get over yourself and suck it up" i told him a few words and said if ya dont like then leave.I am doing this for me and you couldnt stop so you have no idea.I am just now starting to feel the happy fellings again and some more energy but all that i went through the withdraws and all were worth it because it makes me remember how horrible it was and to never go there again.Stay strong and you can do it and it doesnt matter what others think, if they havent been through they have no idea and if they still give ya **** tell them to go online to see what other people are going through.There was a show on t.v.the other day called "oxycontin express" if you can find it online watch it, it will show you how horrible these pills are.Down her in Fla.they call them hillbilly heroin. please keep me updated and if ya need someone to talk to send me a message.

[Lisa034]

I have been here for a while but I am sorry I do not remember how lone have you been clean? From what? No matter really, it sounds to me like you are doing the right thing. Please do not feel quilty for taking a day to yourself. What is the hell is wrong with that? I am a mother of 5 wonderfull children and a great boyfriend and my dad lives with me too. I have a huge family and live with them. Dont get me wrong I love them more than anything else in the world but sometimes they make me crazy and I have to take time for myself. It does your mind,soul,and body some good to take a day to yourself. It gives us a minute to think and reflect on things going on.  So anyways what I am trying to say is DO NOT FEEL QUILTY AT ALL!!!! You deserve this day to yourself. Enjoy it have a great day.  You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers
Lisa
Jacksonville,FL

[SwtGyrl69]

Can I ask what you were taken and how much ? And how where the withdrawls ,how long did they last...I am also new and scred of the withdrawls ...thx