Happy Halloween - Open Forum

[groovygirl]

Happy Halloween everyone - Have a great day and night.

[trout]

Valium sucks!  What a terrible high.  Have fun sleeping and remember this, it takes a lot longer to got through benzo withdrawls than it does opioid WD, so party on with your bad self.

[taeme]

No I am really intersted I think he is going to send me samples and midrin may be one of them.  I just wanted to make sure cause I heard somethings about people kind of getting high off of it.  But you know if you have an addictive personality you can get hooked on vitamin C, cause I guess a lot of it is psychological.  I too have tried melatonin, I've used it for about 3 years now, some times I use it every night for months, but for the most part I use it maybe just once a month. I can actually use this like a normal person.  I agree, I think it works too.  It doesn't make me sleepy it just somehow tells my body to relax enough to fall asleep. (I do not feel anything I just know that I'm not longer unable to sleep, hard to explain).  Thanks for your interest and concern it is always appreciated.  Taeme

[Starraven]

I was prescribed Midrin for my headaches.  I was on them for about nine months due to headaches, before that I was on fiorinal.  I know that the fiorinal has a barbituate in it, but Midrin has a sedative in it as well.  I got the quoted information below from the internet.

"MIDRIN

[taeme]

One thing I have going for me is that I don't like pot, and I really don't like alcohol.  I thought besides the alcohol in the niquil it was as the antihistamine, maybe benadryl that helped me to go to sleep.

[taeme]

Thanks guys.  As far as the imitrex goes, they won't prescribe it to me here, at least not yet.  I think cause they don't believe I have headaches.  And the money issue simply limits any doctor shopping to find someone that will truly listen to my problems, however I've contacted a Dr. I know who is going to send me some free imitrex, told me to take wellbutrin as a preventative and is going to see if I need a Beta blocker.  He also talked about a few other migraine meds he's going to let me try.  When I receive those I'll tell you guys what they are and if they work.  Do you know where any migrain meds have any addictive potential, one's that I should steer clear of.  How about midrin?

[suzieneedshelp]

I tooo have chronic severe migraines.  Nothing worse than your head feeling like its splitting open or like a knife is stabbing you there. WEll, I am sure there is worse like neuropathy or other pains I am not aware of that go on 24/7.  Can not concentrate on anything else with that kinda head pain though.  It makes for some desparate moments. But plz tell us why you cannot get a prescription for imitrex or one of those great new drugs? Is it the money?  They are very expensive and no generics yet.  I became addicted to stadol long before they came out with those that really go to the  heart of the matter and are not addictive.  But...even  now.. there are times when my headaches are not helped by the imitrex.  And I simply need a pain med so I can maybe sleep it off.  Other wise I can not sleep.  WEll dear we are all here for you.  I am still on the stadol. So..we are not all in recovery yet.  Take care and keep  postin!
Suzie

[puma]

(Bodymachanic),

You hit the nail on the head. They have proven some people have lower endorphines and Dopamines than others just as diabetics have higher blood suger production.

I also feel like **** most of the time and would love to be able to take anything I want to relieve the pain when it gets bad. We don't have much say so however, and the addictions are well documented, for these various things as you know.


(Teamee), you have been posting for several days and still seem to looking for that quick desperation fix. Sorry if I am too blunt.

I really think you need a thorough checkup, and I am sure you can get relief somewhere.

You mentioned you don't drink much but take Nyquil! What do you think is in Nyquil that make people sleep? (Alcohol).

If you are going the alcohol route for relief just buy cheap Gin and mix it. It surely will make you sleep better than Niquil, but remember eventually you will have to deal with the skakes in the morning and start to drink 24/7 for relief.

I was lucky, I caught my addiction in time before any liver damage or dementia set in. Some may disagree, LOL! I did have some interesting detox sessions at the mental health center though, swearing, violence, tie downs, the whole nine yards. And that was with meds for relief from withdrawal symptoms.

If you think that is what you want for your life, than online pharmicies in your best bet.

I pray you decide to come clean and give it up. I know it's hard. I've been fighting this **** for over four years. So many people here even for much longer than that.

Tell us more about your life and why you need to numb yourself or sedate yourself from the world please! Belive me, I am not preaching as I am no angle here, just concerned and trying to recover like most people on this forum. Sorry for babbling.

Take care,

Chatahan

[taeme]

I'm reading through the messages and I hope that I'm not stepping on toes.  I have no intension of doing this. I like a lot of you have extensive knowledge about medications, I also have a strong medical background.  I've always know what these things could do before I even started.  I just didn't care anything, any medicine that made me feel good.  Start with my favorites, work my way down until they're all gone.  Down to the benadryl and the Nyquil, alcohol at times, but I can really drink (thank god) cause it give me a migraine not always but you just never know and thats one of the pains I'm trying to alleviate not create.  Just wanted to ask.  It is not my intension by any means.

[taeme]

I see what your saying, but my advice was with reference to coke which I've been there and done it, and not touched a drop of it in over 4 yrs. So that's the only place I offer advice, as far as opiodes go I have no advice just suggestions that I have on good authority. I never imply to have the answer or presume to be better than anyone.  I'm a talker and conversational type person thats how I help myself with a sort of interaction.  As far as listening goes, speak away I am listening.  I give no judgement and expect none.  I appreciate your opinion and as I said above my only advice comes from what I do know.  See I can see the reality of my own problem but I just don't know that I care.  I just want to be happy.

[Bodymechanic]

I mean this in a kind and loving way but it seems to me you have come a long way in a very short time.  Just a few posts ago you were asking about online pharmacies.  Now you are asking people what they were thinking while off on a drug run.  I am not judgeing you and I am definately not trying to be confrontational but I think you might do well with a lot more introspection and less making suggestions. If I am stepping over a the line here someone please tell me. I learned in 12 step meetings a long time ago that I do much better with a lot more listening and a lot less talking.

You are difinately on the right track, keep up the good work.  We will all support you.

Peace

[Sundown]

I just posted to taeme, and when I went back to the forum, another comment welcoming me to the forum seemed to have " diaappeared". I tried reloading the forum several times but never found the post again. At any rate, thanks for welcoming me and for your support. I owe a lot to the forum and the fine people who have had the courage to share their stories and provide hope and safety to me over the last month. I guess my way of thanking you all is by finally stepping up and posting my story as well with the hope that someone else might find hope from my experience.

I never thought I could break this addiction. I was convinced that I would spend the rest of my life (as long as it lasted) stuck in addiction. If I could do it, believe me, anyone can. I knew every trick to getting my drugs, I used every rationale to keep using (after all, if it took away my "pain", why would I ever stop).

To all of you, thank you for "being there". While you may not have been posting support to me directly, you actually were a great source of comfort and support. I owe you all a debt of gratitude. Now I hope to give back by talking to all of you. I welcome your friendship and support. We all need each other, and we are not alone in our struggles.

Sundown

[Sundown]

At the time I was taking so much vike ES, I didn't care if it killed me. All I wanted was the relief the hydro offered. Yes, the dose of tylenol was crazy, up to 35 GRAMS a day, potentially fatal. How it didn't kill my liver is amazing. I guess I thank god that it didn't kill me. I certainly know of people who have dies from those kinds of doses, but at the time I was so out of control it didn't matter. That goes to show how twisted and destuctive the drive for opiates can be.

I noticed you have been using vicoprofen. While the motrin may not be directly toxic to the liver like tylenol, high doses can cause bleeding ulcers and kidney damage. Remeber, none of this stuff is safe, they all kill you slowly but surely.

I know how scary stopping is. Believe me, I never thought I would ever escape from the nightmare and really thought I would end up dead. It was when I finally reached my bottom, lost my family, my home, and my business that I finally began to see that the final loss would be me. That's when I chose life. Stopping a 300 to 400 hydro habit scared me but I knew I had to. I did it only with a few days of Darvon to soften the blow. Suprisingly, the withdrawl wasn't as bad as the misery I felt using the damn drugs.

I am now preparing to live my life again. I still have a beautiful 7 year old daughter who still needs her daddy. Now she may actually have one again.

No matter how seductive the drugs may be, remember they are your enemy. They seduce and kill. The fact that you are coming to this forum suggests you are starting to see that for yourself. Please believe there is a good life on the other side.

Sundown

[Bodymechanic]

I am glad all of you feel so good when your off drugs but I sure as hell don't. I'm always tired, I ache all over and I can never sleep.  I am generally apathetic with no motivation and sometimes can be a pain in the ass to people.  I don't mean being off drugs for a few weeks, I mean being off for years at a time. It is always the pain and the general fatigue that drives me back to the opiates.  I truely feel better on them.  I mean in low doses of say 5-10 mg a day of hydro. If I did not abuse them, which of course I always do, I would be fine.  

I have been reading in the psychiatric literate about numerous cases of depression related to depletion of endogenous endorpines (just a theory).  I can't help but wonder if that is what is wrong with me.  The usual antidepressants usually make me much worse. I'm sure I can go on forever like this but the quality of my life inside myself is not nearly what it could be.  I also think I could help a lot more people if I didn't always feel boarderline shitty all the time.  Yes I found God a long time ago.


Looking for the cure


Peace

[taeme]

Those vics ES have 750mg acetaminophen wheren't you worried about keep the ratio of acetaminophen to hydrocodone to a minimum.  I always tried to stay away from the higher doses of tylenol, ect... cause I knew I wasn't taking the recommended and I knew I was looking for liver failure.  Just wondering what you think?  Are you, did you have probs with your liver?  Do you know anything about taking too much guiafenesin and pseudoeffedrin,(what I called the filler in my hydrocodone cough medicine, not like tussio..)?

[taeme]

I hate to be the downer here, but I have been off opiates for periods of 3mos or more and I felt pretty normal however I always came back to the same conclusion that I felt better happier with them.  I do see how someone can feel better without them cause they don't control your life and actions so much. And perhaps some or most of the guilt goes away, and get better with time.  But me, my person doesn't feel better just the spirit a little.  I still can't help wanting them.

[athena]

Hi ww and Happy New Year!I wanted to let you know that I watch the history channel nearly every day.They repeat their programs over and over so i'll let you know when it is coming back on.I caught the tail end of the pagan program last night.it was very interesting.Have a good evening.

pixi

[athena]

Hi and welcome
I have been reading your posts and noticed that you seem to be warming up to the idea of life without opiates.I too believed that they gave me more energy,made me feel happy and generally made my life better.It was not untill I was off them for a few weeks that i noticed a great improvement in my energy level.I really didn't realize that the hydro were actually robbing me of my energy,concentration and desire to be with others.The chronic pain is a tough one.maybe you can find something non narcotic to help you.I wish you good luck.

p.s
I never thought life could be good without opiates.It can be GREAT!

pixi

[athena]

Well that post made my day.lol Im glad you feel welcome.I probably read posts for 2 mos before I got up the nerve to post.Im so glad I did though.The people here are great.
You sound like you have lost your confidence in yourself.I have lost mine and am struggling to get it back.First of all,you need to get a life of your own.It's great to be a loving parent but we need attention too.Your ex will continue to take advantage of you as long as your available.Trust me,a good friend of mine has used me as her gopher for 4yrs.While I was in a relationship 4yrs ago,she pretty much took care of herself (shes 58) as soon as I stopped dating (because I lost my confidence) she had me doing all her grocery shopping,running errands and taking care of her grandchildren.she basically tells me that im not doing anything anyway so I should help her.Im 39 and a nurse so she thinks I can take care of her or something.Anyhow,the point im trying to make is that if we dont have a life of our own,we will get taken advantage of by exs' and friends.lol I thought taking hydro was giving me the ability to be more social when actually it was robbing me of the one thing I needed to be social,my confidence!Sorry about the novel,I've rambled enough.Glad your here.

pixi

[taeme]

Just wanted you to know that if I had a choice to be hooked on opiods or stims like coke.  I'd choose opiods for a few reasons first of all coke addition spirals very quickly, tolerance develops quickly.  I went from the first time to nearly killing myself in around 6 months.  I guess because I used to the point I couldn't snort anymore cause my nasal passages were so inflamed I found other roots to use. I would recommend you stay away from this, especially with depression, even if your not depressed  you will be. Coming down is a real bummer, and if you use for any  length or frequency this down lasts too long for me.  I got of cold, cause I knew if I didn't I was dead that was all there was to it. I may have lived for a while but I would have ended up doing stuff I didn't want to do. I would have done almost anything for it, althought I didn't venture onto this dark avenue I would have.  Its also illegal which made my prospects for the future very dark. If you can stop now before it gets out of hand.  If  your an addict, your an addict.  You won't be able to control yourself no matter how it starts or what you say.  I'm not judging you,cause I don't if I would listen either. For goodness sakes I'm still stuck in this opiate mess.  Just a word from someone who been down that path. But please continue to share I may be able to help.

[mickyc]

Hey sweetheart, I don't know much about telling people how to deal with there problems with drugs, but I do know that I was going to school for my company that I worked for and when I started taking Hydros and perc I started to fail my tests. Life seems to go down hill slowly with every thing. I am starting to use cocaine, and when I use drugs I over do it. The thing is, my drug of choice is the opiates, and now that I am starting to use, ocasionally, I am wanting opiates more and more. I quit cold turkey and this is the only rehab I have ever experienced, which I have only been on for a couple of days, but it seems to curve my wants of satan. But I do know that this helps. Good Luck.!!

[Sundown]

I've just started posting today after reading this forum for about a month. I also started out using vicodin for cluster headaches. For several years, I used it pretty responsibly. I also have major depression. When I became depressed, the vikes made me feel better. Finally, about 6 months ago, I went back on antidepressants, but found they didn't work. My headaches were worse and the shrink gave me plenty of vikes. Finally, after working up to about 40 to 50 a day of ES, I realized I was commiting slow suicide (rather than the "fast" suicide I almost commited when I first got depressed). Drawing on the strength of the stories I read here, I didn't feel so alone. I stopped 25 days ago, got a new shrink, got on real treatment for my depression, and for the first time in many years, I actually feel GOOD. I can't even  remember when I last felt like this.
The first step is to see the road you're on. The next step is to decide if you wnat to keep going down that road to an early death or not. Once you have decided on that, the decisions on what you need to do become very apparent. It's not easy to get off that road, but it is worth it to choose life instead of death.
I wish you the strength and courage to choose well.

[taeme]

By the way can someone explain how this site works.  How long does a forum run for? Who decides what stays and what goes? How is it determined what is actually visible on the first page where you select a forum? Because some have more posts than others and they change as well.  

Additional note:  Do you all believe that addicts are the most suspicious, perhaps untrusting people out there?  I always believe that people are suspicious of me.  I also believe especially on the net that if someone recommends a particular site, or product that they are undercover trying to sell and what not.  What do you think?

[taeme]

You know guys I just don't know how to do it, theres so much in my life that just seems to much easier with the little devils, I able to be more intimate with my husband, I don't over eat, I don't binge and purge like I have for almost 10 yrs., I can sit and do my work which by the way I'm working on my second degree, I feel good just to be alive and feel like at last I have peace, I feel good about myself and who I am, that is accept for the deceit and like you said the continually next fix.  I find I'm often happy just knowing I have them even without taking them.  I know this is a crutch.  I just feel like if there weren't any restriction on getting it, I would be fine.  LOL.  I feel like my only problem is obtaining it.  I know this is an addictive behavior, I know this but I don't have any other ill side effects from it other than a little constipation and then again when I can't get any I'm not as social nor am I really motivated.  I think often I need something for depression and anxiety, but I know you give me anxiety meds, detox meds etc.. It'll be my newest best friend.  Has anyone been addicted to coke? Been there done that?  Can someone share their story.  You know in my life I've always had a managible distaste for life.  I think its genetic, my biological father was an addict/alcoholic and finally after I believe so type of hepatitis/cirrhosis of the liver he hung himself off a bridge.  I was 18 yrs then I'm 25 now.  However, I didn't really even know him.  I grew up in a stable, loving family.  I would say though I grew up quite lonely.  Just a little background.  I can't help but come to this site everytime I get a chance, I am listening.  I always say to myself theres no way to go back, I will never be able to walk into a dr's office or somewhere else and know that drug seeking behavior.  I don't know how to be a normal patient and still have my problems treated.  I really do have chronic back pain where I have to sleep on the floor and cluster migraine headaches.

[mickyc]

WOW! I think I am in love with you. I didn't think someone responding to me would be so inspiring and make me feel wanted and excepted. Thank You!

I am starting to think alot about starting this abuse all over again. I just move from the country (Arkansas) to St. Louis. I love the city life but my ex-wife moved me up here with her so I would take care of our son. I see her dating, I am not doing the same work that I loved, and I do not have a life because Teresa (ex-wife) is always going out so I watch Tyler. I know I am fortunate that I get my son almost every day, but being used like I am is wearing on me in a huge way. A friend of my gave me some hydros last week and I haven't been abale to get my mined off of them. The good thing is that I don't think I have the confidence to pull of the fake injuries as I did before. Thanks alot for your inspiration. I think I can be a little more at ease at this point!