Happy Halloween - Open Forum

[groovygirl]

Happy Halloween everyone - Have a great day and night.

[trout]

Valium sucks!  What a terrible high.  Have fun sleeping and remember this, it takes a lot longer to got through benzo withdrawls than it does opioid WD, so party on with your bad self.

[taeme]

No I am really intersted I think he is going to send me samples and midrin may be one of them.  I just wanted to make sure cause I heard somethings about people kind of getting high off of it.  But you know if you have an addictive personality you can get hooked on vitamin C, cause I guess a lot of it is psychological.  I too have tried melatonin, I've used it for about 3 years now, some times I use it every night for months, but for the most part I use it maybe just once a month. I can actually use this like a normal person.  I agree, I think it works too.  It doesn't make me sleepy it just somehow tells my body to relax enough to fall asleep. (I do not feel anything I just know that I'm not longer unable to sleep, hard to explain).  Thanks for your interest and concern it is always appreciated.  Taeme

[Starraven]

I was prescribed Midrin for my headaches.  I was on them for about nine months due to headaches, before that I was on fiorinal.  I know that the fiorinal has a barbituate in it, but Midrin has a sedative in it as well.  I got the quoted information below from the internet.

"MIDRIN

[taeme]

Thanks guys.  As far as the imitrex goes, they won't prescribe it to me here, at least not yet.  I think cause they don't believe I have headaches.  And the money issue simply limits any doctor shopping to find someone that will truly listen to my problems, however I've contacted a Dr. I know who is going to send me some free imitrex, told me to take wellbutrin as a preventative and is going to see if I need a Beta blocker.  He also talked about a few other migraine meds he's going to let me try.  When I receive those I'll tell you guys what they are and if they work.  Do you know where any migrain meds have any addictive potential, one's that I should steer clear of.  How about midrin?

[taeme]

One thing I have going for me is that I don't like pot, and I really don't like alcohol.  I thought besides the alcohol in the niquil it was as the antihistamine, maybe benadryl that helped me to go to sleep.

[suzieneedshelp]

I tooo have chronic severe migraines.  Nothing worse than your head feeling like its splitting open or like a knife is stabbing you there. WEll, I am sure there is worse like neuropathy or other pains I am not aware of that go on 24/7.  Can not concentrate on anything else with that kinda head pain though.  It makes for some desparate moments. But plz tell us why you cannot get a prescription for imitrex or one of those great new drugs? Is it the money?  They are very expensive and no generics yet.  I became addicted to stadol long before they came out with those that really go to the  heart of the matter and are not addictive.  But...even  now.. there are times when my headaches are not helped by the imitrex.  And I simply need a pain med so I can maybe sleep it off.  Other wise I can not sleep.  WEll dear we are all here for you.  I am still on the stadol. So..we are not all in recovery yet.  Take care and keep  postin!
Suzie

[puma]

(Bodymachanic),

You hit the nail on the head. They have proven some people have lower endorphines and Dopamines than others just as diabetics have higher blood suger production.

I also feel like **** most of the time and would love to be able to take anything I want to relieve the pain when it gets bad. We don't have much say so however, and the addictions are well documented, for these various things as you know.


(Teamee), you have been posting for several days and still seem to looking for that quick desperation fix. Sorry if I am too blunt.

I really think you need a thorough checkup, and I am sure you can get relief somewhere.

You mentioned you don't drink much but take Nyquil! What do you think is in Nyquil that make people sleep? (Alcohol).

If you are going the alcohol route for relief just buy cheap Gin and mix it. It surely will make you sleep better than Niquil, but remember eventually you will have to deal with the skakes in the morning and start to drink 24/7 for relief.

I was lucky, I caught my addiction in time before any liver damage or dementia set in. Some may disagree, LOL! I did have some interesting detox sessions at the mental health center though, swearing, violence, tie downs, the whole nine yards. And that was with meds for relief from withdrawal symptoms.

If you think that is what you want for your life, than online pharmicies in your best bet.

I pray you decide to come clean and give it up. I know it's hard. I've been fighting this **** for over four years. So many people here even for much longer than that.

Tell us more about your life and why you need to numb yourself or sedate yourself from the world please! Belive me, I am not preaching as I am no angle here, just concerned and trying to recover like most people on this forum. Sorry for babbling.

Take care,

Chatahan

[taeme]

I see what your saying, but my advice was with reference to coke which I've been there and done it, and not touched a drop of it in over 4 yrs. So that's the only place I offer advice, as far as opiodes go I have no advice just suggestions that I have on good authority. I never imply to have the answer or presume to be better than anyone.  I'm a talker and conversational type person thats how I help myself with a sort of interaction.  As far as listening goes, speak away I am listening.  I give no judgement and expect none.  I appreciate your opinion and as I said above my only advice comes from what I do know.  See I can see the reality of my own problem but I just don't know that I care.  I just want to be happy.

[taeme]

I'm reading through the messages and I hope that I'm not stepping on toes.  I have no intension of doing this. I like a lot of you have extensive knowledge about medications, I also have a strong medical background.  I've always know what these things could do before I even started.  I just didn't care anything, any medicine that made me feel good.  Start with my favorites, work my way down until they're all gone.  Down to the benadryl and the Nyquil, alcohol at times, but I can really drink (thank god) cause it give me a migraine not always but you just never know and thats one of the pains I'm trying to alleviate not create.  Just wanted to ask.  It is not my intension by any means.

[Bodymechanic]

I mean this in a kind and loving way but it seems to me you have come a long way in a very short time.  Just a few posts ago you were asking about online pharmacies.  Now you are asking people what they were thinking while off on a drug run.  I am not judgeing you and I am definately not trying to be confrontational but I think you might do well with a lot more introspection and less making suggestions. If I am stepping over a the line here someone please tell me. I learned in 12 step meetings a long time ago that I do much better with a lot more listening and a lot less talking.

You are difinately on the right track, keep up the good work.  We will all support you.

Peace

[Sundown]

I just posted to taeme, and when I went back to the forum, another comment welcoming me to the forum seemed to have " diaappeared". I tried reloading the forum several times but never found the post again. At any rate, thanks for welcoming me and for your support. I owe a lot to the forum and the fine people who have had the courage to share their stories and provide hope and safety to me over the last month. I guess my way of thanking you all is by finally stepping up and posting my story as well with the hope that someone else might find hope from my experience.

I never thought I could break this addiction. I was convinced that I would spend the rest of my life (as long as it lasted) stuck in addiction. If I could do it, believe me, anyone can. I knew every trick to getting my drugs, I used every rationale to keep using (after all, if it took away my "pain", why would I ever stop).

To all of you, thank you for "being there". While you may not have been posting support to me directly, you actually were a great source of comfort and support. I owe you all a debt of gratitude. Now I hope to give back by talking to all of you. I welcome your friendship and support. We all need each other, and we are not alone in our struggles.

Sundown

[Sundown]

At the time I was taking so much vike ES, I didn't care if it killed me. All I wanted was the relief the hydro offered. Yes, the dose of tylenol was crazy, up to 35 GRAMS a day, potentially fatal. How it didn't kill my liver is amazing. I guess I thank god that it didn't kill me. I certainly know of people who have dies from those kinds of doses, but at the time I was so out of control it didn't matter. That goes to show how twisted and destuctive the drive for opiates can be.

I noticed you have been using vicoprofen. While the motrin may not be directly toxic to the liver like tylenol, high doses can cause bleeding ulcers and kidney damage. Remeber, none of this stuff is safe, they all kill you slowly but surely.

I know how scary stopping is. Believe me, I never thought I would ever escape from the nightmare and really thought I would end up dead. It was when I finally reached my bottom, lost my family, my home, and my business that I finally began to see that the final loss would be me. That's when I chose life. Stopping a 300 to 400 hydro habit scared me but I knew I had to. I did it only with a few days of Darvon to soften the blow. Suprisingly, the withdrawl wasn't as bad as the misery I felt using the damn drugs.

I am now preparing to live my life again. I still have a beautiful 7 year old daughter who still needs her daddy. Now she may actually have one again.

No matter how seductive the drugs may be, remember they are your enemy. They seduce and kill. The fact that you are coming to this forum suggests you are starting to see that for yourself. Please believe there is a good life on the other side.

Sundown

[Bodymechanic]

I am glad all of you feel so good when your off drugs but I sure as hell don't. I'm always tired, I ache all over and I can never sleep.  I am generally apathetic with no motivation and sometimes can be a pain in the ass to people.  I don't mean being off drugs for a few weeks, I mean being off for years at a time. It is always the pain and the general fatigue that drives me back to the opiates.  I truely feel better on them.  I mean in low doses of say 5-10 mg a day of hydro. If I did not abuse them, which of course I always do, I would be fine.  

I have been reading in the psychiatric literate about numerous cases of depression related to depletion of endogenous endorpines (just a theory).  I can't help but wonder if that is what is wrong with me.  The usual antidepressants usually make me much worse. I'm sure I can go on forever like this but the quality of my life inside myself is not nearly what it could be.  I also think I could help a lot more people if I didn't always feel boarderline shitty all the time.  Yes I found God a long time ago.


Looking for the cure


Peace

[taeme]

Those vics ES have 750mg acetaminophen wheren't you worried about keep the ratio of acetaminophen to hydrocodone to a minimum.  I always tried to stay away from the higher doses of tylenol, ect... cause I knew I wasn't taking the recommended and I knew I was looking for liver failure.  Just wondering what you think?  Are you, did you have probs with your liver?  Do you know anything about taking too much guiafenesin and pseudoeffedrin,(what I called the filler in my hydrocodone cough medicine, not like tussio..)?

[taeme]

I hate to be the downer here, but I have been off opiates for periods of 3mos or more and I felt pretty normal however I always came back to the same conclusion that I felt better happier with them.  I do see how someone can feel better without them cause they don't control your life and actions so much. And perhaps some or most of the guilt goes away, and get better with time.  But me, my person doesn't feel better just the spirit a little.  I still can't help wanting them.

[puma]

Taemee,

You sound like you are going through some serious withdrawals and are at the end of your rope. I've been in that situation and I know what you are going through. People here don't mean to give you the run around, they simply are past that stage and seem to have forgotten the depths one will go to, to obtain that needed item whether it be drink or pill, whatever. Try the onlines but be prepared to send your medical records so the Docs can save their own butts by not prescribing meds by only words given over the net.

Coming here, you will only find people trying to avoid drugs, not getting deeper into them. You still seem to be in the denial stage, only my opinion. I was there before and even thought of violence at times during heavy withdrawal. That's why they say alchohol and benzo withdrawal are dangerous to the person addicted and to anyone in their way during detox!!!!! Your brain is in full amperage overload right now and you need to have some real communication and figure out what you want to do and how to go about it. Take care and good luck.

Chatahan

[athena]

Hi and welcome
I have been reading your posts and noticed that you seem to be warming up to the idea of life without opiates.I too believed that they gave me more energy,made me feel happy and generally made my life better.It was not untill I was off them for a few weeks that i noticed a great improvement in my energy level.I really didn't realize that the hydro were actually robbing me of my energy,concentration and desire to be with others.The chronic pain is a tough one.maybe you can find something non narcotic to help you.I wish you good luck.

p.s
I never thought life could be good without opiates.It can be GREAT!

pixi

[athena]

Well that post made my day.lol Im glad you feel welcome.I probably read posts for 2 mos before I got up the nerve to post.Im so glad I did though.The people here are great.
You sound like you have lost your confidence in yourself.I have lost mine and am struggling to get it back.First of all,you need to get a life of your own.It's great to be a loving parent but we need attention too.Your ex will continue to take advantage of you as long as your available.Trust me,a good friend of mine has used me as her gopher for 4yrs.While I was in a relationship 4yrs ago,she pretty much took care of herself (shes 58) as soon as I stopped dating (because I lost my confidence) she had me doing all her grocery shopping,running errands and taking care of her grandchildren.she basically tells me that im not doing anything anyway so I should help her.Im 39 and a nurse so she thinks I can take care of her or something.Anyhow,the point im trying to make is that if we dont have a life of our own,we will get taken advantage of by exs' and friends.lol I thought taking hydro was giving me the ability to be more social when actually it was robbing me of the one thing I needed to be social,my confidence!Sorry about the novel,I've rambled enough.Glad your here.

pixi

[athena]

Hi ww and Happy New Year!I wanted to let you know that I watch the history channel nearly every day.They repeat their programs over and over so i'll let you know when it is coming back on.I caught the tail end of the pagan program last night.it was very interesting.Have a good evening.

pixi

[groovygirl]

I wrote a story about online pharmacies and the doctors who make MILLIONS off 3 second phone consults.  $25 per month to join the forum, $200 for the 3 minute consult, $90 for 90 Hydros, $30 for shipping...if you don't have a lot of money right now, it isn't the way.  I went "undercover" on one of these forums.  I found that these people are just like us, except they are on the downward spiral...popping 20-40 Hydros a day...with some valium on top...yummy.  They are a sorry bunch, and the doctors don't give a rat's ass about any of them.

As I said, I went undercover and you can bet your ass there are others watching...pretending to be a fellow pill-poppers...probably a fed or something.

I don't mean to be a downer here, but this site is for people wanting to get better...why don't you forget about this drug seeking stuff and write about why you feel the need to indulge.

I'm just a fellow addict...I've been there and done that, which is why I can see the road you're on will only bring you pain.

[FesterTool]

Hey everybody. I havent been posting very much but I try to keep up with what is going on. Everything has been up and down alot lately. I miss my mom very much and I wish I could have her again. I remember when I was growing up and she used to take me shopping with her. Being a teenager I felt embarrassed and walked off on my own, you know; can't let noone see you with your mom.. Mom understood though. She would let me go off with my friends almost everyday. I wish I would have spent more time with her.

I call dad everyday now. I'm not going to waste my chance with him if I can help it. He usually stays busy. I tell him its good for him to do something every once in awhile but dont get carried away. (Where have I heard this before?) He builds these very nice Grandfather clocks in his wood shop and I dont know where he gets all that energy. He's a tough cookie, as he tell me.(By the way, my father has been sober from everything for almost 12 years. I am so proud of my dad.)

Its my 29th day and I feel ok. Pixi, thank you.
Stay Cool!
Festertool

[groovygirl]

29th day!  Wow...that is great!!  How do you feel?  Do you feel back to "normal"?

What's "festertool" mean?

[QueenHydro]

Greetings to you all,
I have not posted in a while but come in every day and read all of the posts.  It is such a comfort to know that I am not the only person with these issues.  I feel like the biggest loser on the planet and when I read all of the personal stories I feel like someone has thrown me a life ring.  I am still working on my plan to taper.  I have been praying alot and also setting aside time to excersize.  My taper will begin in a couple of weeks.  I know that sounds dumb, why not stop now, but I do not
have enough of a spine to stop when I have a full prescription.
I am rambling, I know, but I want you all to know that the kinship I feel when I read the posts here cannot be described.  
I thank you all and will keep everyone updated.  I have been praying for all of you and ask that you would do the same for me, if you are not one to pray then please just keep me in your thoughts.  This thing is bigger than me and I need all of the help I can get.  Thanks to all.

[athena]

Hi fes,it was good to see ya post.I have been wondering how you were doing.I know how the loss of a parent feels as I told you.It is kinda scarey in a way.I always felt safe somehow  while my dad was alive.I too decided to spend more time helping my mom after the loss of my dad.It helped me feel better.i know this is a hard time for you but it will get easier.you are doing so well with your sobriety even though you are going through this emotional upheavel.As I told you,your mom would be so proud!
Your dad makes grandfather clocks?I have heard that there are very few craftsmen still doing that.Im sure it helps him to keep busy.Well,i've written you a novel.you are always in my prayers,keep on the path your on.God bless.

pixi