Help! Need to get off morphine sl tabs

[mummy1980]

Hi,
I have been an addict to everything that you can think of since I was about 16. I finally gave up narcotics using supervised methodone treatment about 15-20 years ago. Recently I have been doing long stretches of work in a nearby country where my mother had a fall. She was prescribed 15 mg MST (Morphine Slow Release) tabs and guess who ended up taking them? Me. She is a very strong woman and didnt want any pain meds. The ammount I was taking increased rapidley and the Dr cottoned on and stopped providing. Anyhow I found one pharmacy that gave them out like candy - no script and I have been taking between 100mg to 180mg per day for about three months now.
I have two beautiful small children who love me dearly and a husband who trusts me (and is putting is hard earned money into a venture that I wanted to do) and now I have got myself into this mess. I feel like a weak and selfish human being who always puts herself first and after reading the stories of people in chronic pain having problems - I feel even worse. I am so truly sorry for anyone who has to go through this.
Anyway my supply has been cut and I am nervous but glad. I need desperately to get off this stuff, I feel tired and forgetful and I want my safe and happy life back. Can someone please help?
I am on Prozac 20mg and have 10 x 15 mg tabs left as well as Valium, Ambien and Xanax and Codiene. Could someone with a bit more knowledge let me know how I can make this less difficult - I cut down to 5 tabs yesterday and got diarreahea and felt awful...Should I just go off them completely and throw myself into withdrawal?
Any advice would be really, really appreciated. PS: I cant go for treatment here as they are very tough on usage of narcotics unprescribed.
Thanks in advance for your help,
Kim

[mummy1980]

Evacrednow,

Thanks so much for telling it to me straight, it was almost worse wwondering ust how bad it could be.

I am thinking now that I will give the Ambien a miss - maybe take some Valium to sleep? I remember when I originally gave up they gave me 2 valium every 4 hours, but I would be loathe to do that by myself.

Its really difficult cause I am working in a small country near Oz where narcotics (unprescribed) have the death penalty - I am sure 10 x 15 mg wouldnt get me there, but if I see a Dr, I am really just jumping into the unkown. It is very corrupt and the very least they could do is tell immigration, so thats pretty scary. Maybe i COULD try finding a Western counsellor then I wouldnt feel so alone. There is an NA chapter here, but I dont think that you can attend until clean. I might call anyway.

If you have time could you tell me your story, just hearing that someone has taken the high doses like me and gotten through it is so reassurring - thanks again.

Oh and another scary thing is that the MST can come in again anytime (ust waiting on the distributor, so I am scared about that too.

Thanks for giving hope to a lonely and scared person!

Cheers,
Kim

[Evacrednow]

If at all possible, you really should see a doctor.

But, if you're not going to, then you seem to have an armory of meds available to mitigate withdrawal symptoms--but you are going to have WDs regardless, there's no way around that.  I know you know that, but, maybe try (and I'm not a doctor, so this is not medical advice!) weaning down with the morphine--taking three today, three the next day, two, and two, and then start medicating with the valium and codeine once you're off the morphine.  But, you'll want to get off codeine relatively quickly once the aches subside, bc I'd imagine the codeine will just make you crave the morphine.  

And a word about Ambien--be careful about taking that while withdrawing.  When in withdrawal, your brain chemistry is all messed up and you've been taking high doses of depressants.  I tried taking Ambien when I was in withdrawal, and it made have obsessive suicidal thoughts for two days--a known side affect of Ambien for people who are depressed.  I just hadn't realized how depressed the opiates and withdrawals had made me.  

Alternatively to weening, If you go cold turkey, I'm betting you will get pretty ill from the dose you've been on--so, just keep weening--it won't be fun, but you can do it.   I weened off high doses of vicodin and subutex this last summer, and though it was terrible, and it was, it's so much better not taking that stuff everyday.  

Good luck.

[mummy1980]

PS; No offence to the people like me who are addicts, I dunno just up in the air, scared, messed up. We all are going through pain and it is amazing to see how open and honest everyone here is...