Help Stopping Suboxone

[cleangimnow]

All,

Here I am again...been on suboxone for two years now at 6-8 mg a day. I do drink and take my script of Klonopin.  The klon is daily and drinking once or twice a week. I need help. I don't know what to do. Most people see me as this highly functional responsible person.  Married, kid, nice home, fancy job title, etc.  

I feel like its all a lie.  I'm just a loser inside who can't get it together. Suboxone is a powerful opiate that I am and I make a lot of important decisions.  Granted, I'm happy that I'm not chasing pills and having mood swings. However, I need help getting clean. My wife doesn't know about the sub because she would be so disappointed. I got back on it when I did bc I was chasing pills again at the time.

Please help!!!

[weaver71]

The anxiety and mental part of addiction are pretty powerful with sub detox, not something easy to hide. Sub is a long detox as well, so using the flu excuse really doesn't work either. What have you done to deal with your addiction, while on subs? Do you have aftercare, meetings, therapy, church, anything? I personally believe one needs to have local support to get and stay clean, especially from the long acting opioids like subs.

[cleangimnow]

I am going to the see a new therapist tomorrow. Can I taper and then be "off" to my family. I need help. I don't want to disappoint. Can someone suggest a taper plan? I feel like I'm going to be on sub for the rest of my life. I have been addicted to something since I was a teenager. I'm now in my early 30s. I just want to live a normal life. Now, I feel like I'm screwed. I guess that I am. I should say **** everything that I have. It's all a lie. I am a loser.

Why do I even bother?  I'll always be screwed up. I've been tryng for years.

[61chevy]

Hey...  Don't b so hard on yourself.  Yeah...addiction blows n it's no picnic, but sounds like u have a wonderful family,  are a good provider, want to get clean, etc.  in just your opening remarks I could list lots of positive attributes.  First, start focusing on those things.  Stay focused on your reasons for wanting off the sub.

Second...  I too was a long time user of Sub.  Today is day 45 from my last dose so it can b done.  I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, it's a b***** but it can b done.  Yes...6-8 mill per day would b a tough jump to zero, tho I have heard of others that have done it.  This site won't let us give tapering advice so I would encourage u to talk to your sub dr about a taper plan n stick to it.  The cravings will come big time so u have to b absolutely determined.  I did taper down to .30 per day before my jump, but please talk with ur dr.  Took me six to eight months on a slow taper process but again, that was me.  Everyone is different.

I considered myself "in recovery" the day I started tapering.  I found some church support that I found crucial.  Many here are avid supporters of na/aa.  Find some face to face support group that u can feel comfortable with that suits your personality n take the aftercare seriously.  Read these posts n post yourself often.  Lots of amazingly caring, unselfish people on this forum.  Gives me lots of support.

I do want the best for u and as a long time sub user, I can assure you, u will like who u r off the medication much more.  Others will chime in soon.  Great first step in reaching out.  Congrats.

[cleangimnow]

Thanks for the encouraging words. It is hard to believe that I have gotten myself to this place again.  Disappointed. Why am I such a screw up?  

[cleangimnow]

I am acting like a little baby. I'm finally going to a therapist today so that I'm not just taking my sub and powering through life. I keep thinking that if I save even more money, I'll be able to walk away from my stress, buy a small home in cash and be able to take some time for myself. My wife wants to have another kid. Will I physically be able to and am I ready for that?  I feel like a crappy person. My kid loves me and thinks the world of me. I've been stable over the last couple years for her. Honestly, my wife has been more I a basket case with her crazy job. Ironically, money isn't an issue. So, at least I'm not ditching subs for other stuff. I really don't want to go back to that lifestyle. I just want to figure out a way to taper slowly and then endure the really ****** month and months to follow. Advise ???

[atthebeach]

Your desire to be clean and sober is there. You can live a life free from the chains and bondage of addiction. You will need support. Good  step going to a therapist.
What is the prescribed dosage of subs? You said you take 6-8mgs.
Sub tapers are slow and steady.
You should try to cut out the drinking first. If its only one or two days a week. Alcohol is a depressant. It makes you feel good the night of and the. The depression follows.
Do you have an exercise regiment?

Learning to live life on its terms. Rolling with the punches. Managing stress, triggers are all things you need to internalize to maintain sobriety.
You brain chemistry has changed from your use. It can heal. It will take time.
Please make a resolve to yourself that now you are going forward to indeed to live that life.
Get as much support as possible, na/aa, celebrate recovery, therapists, church, exercise, positive influences, healthy diet.

You are young. You have many years to live a clean and sober life.
Dig deep my friend, you are stronger than you think.
Sending encouragement and prayers,
Keep the faith,
There is always hope,
Debbie

[Jinx_777]

while you are at the therapist, talk about maybe something for depression.  wellbutrin is supposed to help with depression and lowers cravings, etc.

you are NOT a loser.  addiction does NOT discriminate.  it happens to the best of us.  the fact you recognize it and want to do something about it  is very admirable.  

if your sub doctor will not help you with a taper try reading some old posts and you will find taper info.   are you getting the sub's from a doctor???  either way you really need a doctor who wants to help you get off of them.

i have to agree with the 'stop drinking' comments.  your brain is going to want to cross addict and while it is screaming for opiates drinking will lower your resolve.  best to avoid it.

[cleangimnow]

I get my subs from a dr. I am greatful for that. Sub allows me to live a relatively normal live. I agree. I should stop the alcohol. I started drinking tonight after a crappy day. Man life can suck. My staffs are driving me nuts. Nonstop all day.

My therapist had to cancel today. She was sick. Man that *****. I just got up the nerve. What is wrong with me?  Why am I drinking tonight?

[cleangimnow]

I tried Wellbutrin last time I kicked sub. It made me feel crazy. Should I quit my job and go to rehab?  I don't want to. I'm finally successful in my career. I'm earning 6 figures and keeping up with the jones.

[cleangimnow]

Btw-  I exercise 6 days a week. Lift 4, play raquetball 1, and walk 4 miles 1 day. Also coach soccer.

[Dane74]

addiction does not discriminate,  it looks like CEO's, doctors, cops, and homeless, its a disease.  It sounds like you are a "high functioning addict" as was i when i was in active addiction.  It catches up to us and before you  ya know it,  you no longer have control over it!  I was super women on pills, worked out and was in great shape, kicked butt at all i did, or so i thought.  I wouldn't advise you to quite your job, but if you have the opportunity to go to rehab i would say heck YES, and go.  Rehab is not always the answer but it sure helps, it's up to you to make the choice to turn your life around.  You have so much to offer, so i would start thinking of all your options regarding aftercare.  Listen to your gut and for sure stop the booze.  Good luck to you

[cleangimnow]

I'm drunk now and ashamed of what I am. My daughter needs me to help with homework. I answer emails and act like I'm a functional CEO. I'm a loser deep down. Jobs and socioeconomic status don't matter. I need help. How do I do this?

I feel like quitting my job to go to rehab would let everyone down including my family.

[cleangimnow]

Where is Sara these days?

[atthebeach]

Hun you aren't a loser. You are an addict and turn to drugs to deal with the stress of life, job, family, because someone looked at you crooked,etc....
I am sorry the therapist canceled.
When do you see the suboxone doctor again?
Please don't drink anymore.
Keep the faith.

[atthebeach]

Sarah is usually on later in the evening.

[Dane74]

no need to self sabotage yourself!!  Your NOT a loser you have  disease, and its called addiction!  It sounds like you want rehab, and i think thats great, start your research and look into rehabs, i personally   had the privilege to go to a rehab and i think it saved me for sure!!!!  Now that doesn't mean you don't have to do the work.   Start your google search and contact some rehabs that interest you, as for your work, its mental health, no need to terminate your job.  Owning up to yourself is taking ownership, your family will be proud that you are taking action and reclaiming your life back! reaching out for help is so very difficult, you and your family is worth it!!!  Call your insurance company and see what they cover regarding mental health and rehabs.  You are doing great thus far and recognizing you have a problem and admitting you need help, good for you, so now follow through.  

[VICourageous]

Addiction is a Brain disease and we do not get off with just Willpower alone!!
Just like any other disease we need help & support.
What I do not understand is that if you are seeing a Sub Dr, most of them have you go to meetings and get some counseling while you are on this maintenance program. Also they do not let you mix a benzo while on subs and they test your urine almost every week or two.
You are very young and I am proud of you wanting out now. There is all kinds of help out here these days. I have used  drank since I was 14 but i just thought it was recreational and as the 60-70-80-90s came in, and went out, it was all about the party..One day at the age 56 I came clean in 2012 off of 3 meds and it was like I went into a coma in my 20s and woke up in my 50s. Please do not let this take or control your life. It sounds like to me that you would do good by seeking some depression groups besides the AA/NA..Drinking with this Sub is a BAD mix and if your Dr knew you most likely would be kicked out, PLUS a BENZO..Man-O-Man you are playing with fire, heck you are walking in the coals.
When I was on my methadone I was adding a illegal drug to it to make it a better high like my crank days..I would take a Benzo late at night to come down..The BIG reason for me to come clean was that i was going to Die. I am not saying that you will, or to scare you, but I was standing up in my kitchen asleep for seconds here and there.I could of fell and hit my head or broke many bones or had a head injury...I also would just drop my bowl of cereal in my lap and wake up..It was just seconds and awake and passed out.It would not happen all the time only when I ran out of Dones or took a break and only used the klons. The dones were still in my system and turned to be coming a downer too..This is no fun and it will scare the you know what out of you..That was one of my BIG wake up calls..

Well I am so sorry to ramble but I have been off for awhile due to some medical issues here..I wish you all the best. Just know that Recovery is not meant to be walked alone. Please go out and seek support..You will be so jazzed you did..YOU are not alone! Hit some AA/NA and some more group support. Hit some of the churches because they offer many things too.
Bless U
Vickie

[atthebeach]

Good morning. When was the therapist appt rescheduled for?
What dose of subs are you prescribed?

[cleangimnow]

Good morning,

Well, I was drunk and acted like a fool. I'm prescribed 25 8 mg strips a month. So far, I've been good about taking the 6 mg a day. Dr is weaning me. The problem is that I have started drinking more these days. I suppose it's job/life stress. I acted like a idiot last night and did more damage to my relationship with my wife. I'm so ashamed. She and my daughter don't deserve this. I have to stop the drinking now and taper down the sub. I hate myself and then it becomes a cycle. Why is it so hard to get off of this merrigoround?  I could use advise and lots of it.

[weaver71]

"The Feeling Good Handbook," by David D. Burns is one I suggest to many. Sub is a long detox, so while rehab is a great thing, I think it would have to be a six month stay to really get off of subs,IMO. The above book has writing assignments and exercises that take time and give the mind something to focus on. It deals with tunnel vision, all-or-nothing thinking, disqualifying the good, etc...these are the foundation of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I used that book, while waiting to get to a therapist, and still do. It's less than $10 on Amazon and is a good tool to pass time. When you want a drink, grab that book, when you feel stressed, like you don't know what to do, like you hate yourself, just grab that book and learn a coping skill. Go to a 12 step meeting, church, any and everything you can do NOW. Your wife will appreciate it to, tell her it's for drinking or depression, if you aren't ready to share the whole truth. For now, do whatever it takes to get out of that stinkin thinkin you are in. Any sacrifice will be worth it. If you keep doing the same things, you will keep getting the same things. Do something different, TODAY.

[atthebeach]

Yes, Changing your thought pattern is paramount for change.
The power of positive thinking. Use self talk to give yourself hope.
Please re-read this thread we have given you suggestions to help you.

Stick with the 6mgs of subs don't go up.
From 6mgs continue your taper down.
You have to be viligant in your recovery.
Taking small steps everyday moving forward.
Recovery is a marathon not a sprint.
No more drinking.
Yes, read books on recovery, self help, positive thinking.
Get to a meeting, church, pray, reschedule the therapy.
Please don't fight with your wife.
You can do a new thing. Please believe in yourself.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting
Different results.
We are here my friend,
Keep talking to us,
Sending prayers,
Debbie

[cleangimnow]

Thank you everyone for your feedback. I am very grateful for it. I like the idea about attending meetings for my drinking. My wife will support that. She knows that I am planning to see an addiction specialist.

I will continue to taper, not drink, pick up the book mentioned above, continue working out. It is going to take work day in and day out.

I just get in a rut and go crazy sometimes. I don't get it. I'm a flawed human being. Hopefully I don't destroy the relationships with people that care about me and love me.

[Lilly1955]

My dr wants be go from methadone to bupineprine am scared will withdraws be as bad as the methadone

[cleangimnow]

It shouldn't be as bad a dones. Someone just told me that if you wean slow enough from sub that you will have very little withdrawals. Just be patient.