Help me please. I think my boyfriend is doing drugs.

[JennyGirl800]

I know this is very long but please read this I need help!

I am having a lot of trouble here and need an outsider's opinion on this. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now but have known him much longer. He was always very carefree, lived day by day, never seemed to care about himself or anyone else. He was almost reckless. He went thru a phase where he drank heavily everyday with his best friend. He would drink to the point where he would black out, drive home, wake up, go to school, and do it all over again. He continued this pattern for over a month. He also went thru a brief period of cocaine use. I think he only used cocaine a handful of times but it is still a huge deal to me. He then got into doing pills (crushing and snorting them) which became a problem for him. This took place around the beginning of our relationship. He recently finished a methadone program and to my knowledge has been clean. He was also selling drugs (I don't know what) around 2 months ago but stopped because I threatened to leave him if he didn't.

I am now highly suspicious that he is using heroin. This is killing me. I am losing sleep and have no motivation at all to do everyday things, which is so opposite of how I normally am. I am so unlike my boyfriend. I am anti-drugs. I occasionally will drink at a party. I've smoked pot but hate the stuff, it makes me bug out. Drugs scare the **** out of me and I hate everything that has to do with them. This is making me so worried and I'm really terrified about what could happen if this is true.

I truly believe that he has been injecting himself with heroin. I've felt this way for about a week now. It's not just one thing, it's several factors that just add up in my mind. For one, his friends are all scum bags. I hate them. They are grimy. There have been rumors in my circle of friends that the guys he hangs out with have been doing heroin. I have heard this several times from my closest friends.

I became suspicious one night at his house when he spent a long time in the bathroom. He told me he was taking a **** and I was standing outside the door because he asked me to come talk to him. When I was talking to him I felt like something wasn't right, I just had a gut feeling. I remember him telling me that when he would do pills he'd go into the bathroom and I wouldn't know. While I was taking to him he asked me to go get him a q-tip because "he had something in his ear." When I brought it to the door he opened it and was completely dressed. Then after a little while longer he told me I could go away because he was going to start making noises. I just felt like this was very odd because in the past he would just go to the bathroom with the door open and not even care. When he came out he seemed to be acting very weird. I heard him rummaging in his room in a plastic bag and when I came in he asked me to get out and yelled when I wouldn't. He said it was because he didn't want me to know where his money was but he NEVER had a problem with that before because I am completely trustworthy and he knows that. He appeared to be acting very odd and seemed high but I never like to jump to conclusions. He had difficulty counting his money and remembering numbers which is never a problem for him. The next morning before he left for work I heard him rummage in another plastic bag before going to the bathroom and spending a lot of time in the bathroom again.

That night I went thru the same sort of thing except I was outside with some of his sister's friends so I am not sure how long he was in the bathroom for. He told me he'd be out in a little while and when he came outside he seemed high again. He also took a hit off a blunt which is a red flag to me because I know he ONLY smokes weed when he is ****** up because he hates it and bugs out. He appeared sweaty, very tired, and I noticed he had trouble urinating. The next morning I heard him rummaging in that bag and clanking around in the bathroom. He thought I was half asleep and wouldn't notice. After he left for work I did some snooping and found syringes in that bag. One or two were used and there was also a q-tip. In the bathroom I found a folded up picture (which I took) with white powder on the back next to a cup. I also found a belt on the floor which was all wound up tight.

When I confronted him about the needles he told me they were his friends. He told me a few days before that he was holding needles and steroids for his friend and even showed them to me. The ones I found were in a different spot and he told me he didn't want to hide them all together. This honestly did not convince me.

Over the past week I noticed him seem high once and I also noticed a couple times that he had vaseline on the crooks of his arms. He is tired all the time, which isn't unusual because he works very early in the morning everyday, but it does seem that he is sleeping more than normal. He also refuses to cut his hair. This could be nothing but of course with everything else it worries me. As far as our relationship goes he is completely normal, treats me well, and nothing has changed.

Today I got around to testing the substance I found in his bathroom. I used an at home test I bought at a drug store. According to the test it is heroin that I found. For me this was like total confirmation that all my suspicions were true. I tried to talk to him but I am getting nothing out of him. I told him I am not trying to argue, I am not mad, I am just trying to talk. I told him I know the truth, it's right in front of my face, that I found heroin in his bathroom. I even showed him the test but he just denies, denies, denies. He claims the heroin must belong to one of his sisters friends who were at the house that night. He even showed me a mark on his arm and told me he scraped himself with something at work. I don't know what a needle mark looks like really so I couldn't argue that. I told him over and over that I know the truth and I don't believe him and I wish he would stop lying but he tells me he's not doing anything, and "thank you for caring so much but nothing is wrong and the conversation is over."

I just don't know what to do. Even thought I am so sure in my mind that he is using heroin there is still the tiniest part that believes him. After writing this whole thing out I feel that I am stupid to believe what he tells me. How do I get him to confess? I don't want to break up with him. I just want to know what's going on and I deserve to know the truth. I need him to admit this to me so I can know that I am not crazy and so that I can help him. I am so scared because I know the risks that come with using heroin. Do you agree that I am not a psycho, I am not making this up in my mind, that this is for real? How can I get him to admit this to me? He has had a hard time talking to me about drugs because I just don't understand because I have never been there. Should I try being more compassionate and understanding? Or should I be more assertive and tell him not to talk to me unless he plans on telling me the truth because I just can't take this anymore? Any type of advice would help here really. Thank you so much if you read all of this.

[bkwrm679]

All I can add is that with IV Heroin it gets bad and does it very quickly. There aren't a lot of people out there that can say they "experimented" with it and it was just a phase they were going through and they moved on. The nature of that drug administered that way is that from the very first time you use it, you start moving stuff around and making space in your life for it. Financially it quickly becomes a huge burden. There are people who can function, stay on it for long periods of time, and not seem to hit a bottom or have their world come crashing down around them, but they aren't your average user. Your boyfriend isn't hitting a blunt at a party anything minor like that. If he's an IV Heroin user, you're going to start seeing things go downhill pretty quickly. As far as telling whether or not he's got track marks, don't worry - you'll be able to tell. Even between the toes, there will be bruising - that's just the nature of it. Have you ever gotten blood taken and seen how it bruises? That's about how it will look on all the places after a while. He'll get sloppier and probably won't care if you know eventually. That's just been my experience - I hope you're wrong about him.

[9072254]

i posted earlier. i am glad you have chosen the ultimatum route... this is what i finally had to do. i wrote a letter, printed it out so he could see what i was saying and process it rather than have it go in one ear and out the other. before i could even say anything, he said we need to talk, i have a problem and need your help. i know its a tough and scary situation, to think you may have to stick to the promise you make if he doesnt come clean.. but there is hope. remember though he can only want to change this himself.. best of luck, in my prayers

[JennyGirl800]

I definitely don't think anyone is making my boyfriend seem like something he is not. You are all working with the information I shared with you, so your opinions are validated. I appreciate that many of you are sharing personal experiences with me and I recognize that. It has all been very helpful. Thank you for being concerned with my safety and health. Until today I hadn't really considered that, I was only thinking about his.

Tonight I plan on talking to him about this and telling him once and for all that he can either tell me what I already know is true or he can not speak to me at all. This is terrifying and I honestly don't think it is going to turn out well. At least not for now.

[whitie]

theres an old saying........" if I knew what I know now.........when I was 20,I would be a millionaire"

hes very young to be having all these addictions going on and when you confront him, you will see two results, one of total negativity and denial, or one of understanding and reassurance. perhaps even the fact,he might admit he is an addict........then you got something to work on.

hes lucky to have you as a lover and  a friend.

good luck and let us know how it goes so we can all learn more

[daisy699]

I am a true believer in leading w/ your heart BUT when your safety and health are in danger I would think long and hard, no we may not see your emotions but on this forum you are going to get OUR opinions and advice in which YOU asked for..I am sorry if you think we aremaking your bf sound like or be someone he is not but you asked and we kindly shared OUR stories in trying to help you, yes you are young but does that matter not really except many of us have lived this lonnnnngggg road of addiction and we're only offering you guidance as to maybe keep you from a longer road of heartache and BAD experiences for we have lived the hell and are only telling you what we KNOW!! As a knewly recovering heroin addict I can tell you and I'm not trying to be harsh but you are definately not his main priority when he wakes up in the morning sick or looking for the next high and as you can read many of us have shared VERY personal experiences w/ you to try and help ....take it as you will

[JennyGirl800]

I completely understand that everyone is trying to share their wisdom and help me out. I hope that my last comment did not come across as abrasive or defensive-- it was not meant to be that way. I am only trying to be informative and clear about my situation and feelings. I appreciate everyone's comments, they have each been very helpful to me.

IBKleen: your last message was very helpful and an eye-opener.. I'm starting to think that tough love is the only way. I may actually give him an ultimatum tonight. That's scares me because I know I may not get the response I am hoping for but it seems like the only option right now.

You should all know I am a very positive person by nature. Although many of you have told me this cannot get better, I know there is a chance it can and I am hanging onto that.

Thanks again everyone.