Holding myself accountable!!!

[Readytolive31]

I have been finding it hard to come on here and be honest, but everyone else has been doing it and I need to do it to. I had a relapse :(. Im not beating myself up about it because that will only make it worse. I just have to concentrate on what my triggers are and stay away from them and do things differently this time. I cant do it myself so I know that I need meetings or some sort of aftercare 100%!! The hardest challenge I'm faced with is that husband is prescribed my DOC...I'm strong enough to resist because I know the outcome if I do, but its still a temptation I face everyday. I am back on day 2 and since this isn't my first rodeo I know what is to come. So far not so bad for me because I didnt get in too deep, but I noticed I was headed down my old road so I put a fast halt to it and here I am!! I have to succeed this time for myself first and foremost but for my family too!!

[Readytolive31]

Thanks Real..You are right it WILL make me stronger this time around. I am determined to remain clean this time and to do things differently!

[Real180]

Sorry to hear about the relapse but it may just be part of the journey your on and part of what WILL make you stronger this time around!!

[Readytolive31]

Thank you everyone! This will definitely be my last day 1,2,3 and so on. I realize that its harder on me and my health each time I start over and over..I'm done. This relapse made me aware that I am a better person all around when im not using and that I actually dont need a substance in my body to survive life!!

[DonRet]

I have done a c/t detox the past 3 weekends and relapsed until finally today, don't beat yourself up, at least you know you have a problem and are working hard to beat it.  

I have found that you really really have to want to be clean in order for that c/t detox to finally work.  If I was just doing it because I had a couple days off and thought I should try then I always relapsed before it was over.  

I find that talking to myself during that rough 2nd or 3rd day sometimes gets me out of those moments in which I want to cave.  I try to talk motivation into myself, try to think about all the times I have tried to quit and wish now I would have just made it one or two more days and I would be fine by now.  Don't let this detox become a waste of your time, make sure you finish it out, otherwise you will have to face another day 1, day 2, and day 3 again soon.

[CRSeaside]

Hi Ready to live.   Thank you for your post & your honesty.
  It takes a lot to say that something happened. The best news is that you are now in Recovery.   I'm very isolated and struggle with aftercare.  What helps me is I have several people to talk to daily about my recovery.  I read & post on MedHelp as part of my own therapy.
  So get smart about your after care plans. It's important.   Pamela

[IBKleen]

I am sorry to hear about the relapse. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on the horse! I strongly suggest some form of aftercare so you can find out what your triggers are get the tools to handle the them. Best of luck and keep posting.

[Terrifiedbutdone]

I can so relate! I tried to quit a month or so ago and relapsed,  so here I am again..This time I'm at day 6. I hate the power it still has. Accountability is key for me, as is support and NA meetings. Wanted to respond, give you support, let you know you are not alone and keep reaching out!! This is by far the toughest thing to kick, but possible. AND from what I hear and remember sooooo freeing!!