Horribly addicted to heroin and oxycontin and trying to stop

[HarperOC]

I tried to detox a few months ago and even posted on here, but failed miserably. Ive been using for four or 5 yrs now, I am 22 and have been wanting to stop for a while but the morning sickness i get from withdrawal has been so horrendous lately that I cant even make it through one day without. Ive never had detoxes like this, i cant even explain the pain. I have been using a lot lately, maybe  400mg of oxycontin and then add in the heroin and it just is killing me. I am so miserable lately. I didnt really notice it til a few weeks ago, but i know i am not hte person i once was. I am so depressed all day, i dont want to do anything, i isolate from all the people who care about me, my thoughts are so impulsive, i am literally self destructing and bringing everything down around me. school, friends, family, money, love, excitement those are all foreign things that i have sacrificed for my "high" . If i am not high i am painfully sick, and i am stuck. and i hate this. i want to change, but dont no if i will ever be able to. I can see things getting so worse lately. I am 22 yrs old and often think that i am going to die soon, if i dont overdose maybe something else will happen but i just feel it lately. i am going down a dark road, 4 yrs ago if youd shown me a picture now of my life i would have laughed and thought you were crazy. i dont know how things became like this but i cant imagine letting this go on for another  5 yrs, and yet i know that it will if i dont die or make a drastic change. the next 4 yrs will go by like these 4 yrs and ill be in a miserable drug haze. its like no matter wat i am miserable but at least when i am high, its manageable, and i cna escape it for a few minutes. And believe me, it didn;t used to be like this, ive never been this kind of person. ive always had an excitement for life, but its gone now. anyways i am sorry to ramble on and on. i will say today is DAY 2, i am in unimaginable pain but i am trying to detox and make a change, because i want so desperately to love life again, and feel, good or bad, but just to feel things, to have relationships with other people, to want to go out and do things, to wake up in the morning and feel rejuvenated and excited for the day not dope sick and deathly, i just want to get some life back in me because i have become vacant and empty and i honestly dnt no how much longer i can go on like this. guess  i thought id post if anyone has been here and can say things can change id love to hear it because my outlook is bleak and i have gone far down this road and it is dark and lonely and i want to change more then anything but it just seems like i will always be condemed to this addiction and all that comes with it.

[HarperOC]

Thank you :))

[ImDONENoMore]

Me too - you are a true inspiration to me harper.

[IBKleen]

I am so very proud of you Harper. Way to go lady and keep up the good work!

[HarperOC]

Thank you everyone for the support. To answer someones question, yes i am in support groups/ AA/ counseling etc. weekly. Each day it is getting easier. Starting to feel normal again, feel good about myself, and hopeful about life. I am excited each morning when I wake up and no longer dope sick and crawling to the dealer, that is a blessing. Something I didint think possible. I am so grateful for my life right now. Of course there are bad days too, and not everything is all perfect, but i've done a lot of work the past 8 months to get here, worked on a lot of emotional and personal stuff and did what everyone told me to do, on here and in my life, and so far it is working. Today is a good day and I am sooo grateful. Thanks everyone for the support and comments.

[342andcounting]

Hey Harp

I remember being on here together detoxing. I was newchapter0523 then but I couldn't seem to log in with that screen name so changed it. It will be one year for me in 3 weeks!! I'm so glad you were able to get clean. I know the tough road it is but it is SO MUCH better clean right? I'm trying to come on this site to give back and encourage others to get through. This site was SO helpful for me and I will always be greatful to the people who supported me. Take Care and God Bless!!

[jusmejen]

HarperOc, just wondering how you are making out? I have been thinking about you and praying really hard.you can certainly make it through, no matter how terrible you are feeling right now. Push through, and reclaim your life, you are sooooo worth it.