Horrific Depression from withdrawals???????????

[Angelina]

I have been on oxycontin for 1 month; 20mg every twelve hours, although I took the two 20mg. tabs in the morning, every morning.  I have fibromyalgia.  I used to take vicodin, and most other short-acting narcotic meds prior to the oxycontin.  I ran out 5 days prior to my next appointment which did not happen to fall on an even 30 days; my prescription was for 30 days...so now I am on my 4th day and feel like I want to die.  The first two days were the worst depression I have ever gone through.  I almost took my life.  Here is my main question:  I have read close to 100 posts if not more, and many of the withdrawal symptoms do NOT say anything about depression.  Depression was my absolute worst symptom!!  Is this not a normal withdrawal symptom?  Most symptoms are the flu-like and diarrhea which I definitely did have!!!!  The headaches are absolutely killing me.  I need to look for something other than this narcotic junk to help me with the pain of fibromyalgia, although I didn't find it yet.  I surfed the website many times on fibromyalgia, and tried it all just about.  But if this is what narcotics is going to do to me, I'd rather bear the pain of fibro, although that will be very difficult.  Does one get SEVERE depression and constant crying spells from withdrawing from narcotics?  Also, I can hardly eat a thing now for 4 days.. I could just vomit thinking about it.  Thank you for your kind reply!

[Rocket Girl]

I'm a first timer on this page, but listening to all of you has made me feel less alone, less of a failure, less of a bad person.  I too had been prescribed vicoprofen for extreme back pain, probably 3-4 years ago, then one day I discovered it did more than just alleviate the physical pain I was feeling it also performed the function of self medication for my depression. The pain, by the way, has been gone for many years, although I do still have verifiable back deterioration with cat scans, etc. to prove it, so it is not difficult for me to go to a doctor and obtain what I want.  Unfortunately, this ease of obtaining the drug is stronger than I seem to be.  I no longer feel happy about anything in my life, except when I am under the influence.  On a normal day I wake up with a deep dread in the pit of my stomach.  I only feel optimistic when I know I will be taking something.  I've tried tapering off and it has helped with the panic attacks a bit, but I still feel in the grips of something so much stronger than myself.  The worst part is that my depression increases every day and my family, who all love me very much, doesn't know what to do to help me and I, of course, feel I can't tell them the truth without feeling like the piece of human garbage, weakling that I have become.  I have gone from taking a few on weekends to 10-15 a day to trying to quit by sedating myself at night with clonipin, ambien, benadryl and a dose of vico in the middle of the night to get me through.  Still I wake up with an empty pit in my stomach where my hope used to be experienced.  I drag myself through the day, crying at the drop of a hat (not unusual for me even normally, but definately much worse than previously).  Well I know I ramble but that is because this has been my ugly little secret for close to 5 years now.  The bottom line is I feel like a weakling and a failure, a disappointment to my husband and our dreams of building our house in the country (as we have been saving for 3 years and are getting close, but now I am so miserable, and he thinks it's my job, which isn't helping for sure, so I am going to quit as we agreed 6 months ago and so there goes the extra saving money, etc.)  Please forgive me for going on, but if someone could just post a few kind words I think it would really help since I have not had any dialogue with anyone about this problem ever!!!!!!

[Rocket Girl]

I am just trying to see if I can post a comment, because I spilled my guts earlier today only to have it rejected because the thread was broken or some such thing.

[Milo]

I know it will pass -- but I definitely need to be reminded! The weekend R&R sounds like a great idea. I have some work to do over the weekend, but not too much, so I'm going to watch some good movies and otherwise "treat" myself to some special things (don't know exactly what yet, but I'll think of them! Thanks for thinking of me.
Kip, that story (in earlier thread) about ol' "meaty boy" finding himself in the bathroom at the wrong time was classic! Poor thing didn't know what he was getting himself in for! Hope you're feeling better. -- Li'l Milo

[skipper]

Milo:
Hang in there buddy....i'ld talk at ya' more but i'm heade for the
bathroom....

[Shea]

I think you know there will be Good days and there will be Bad days. This is obviously a little run of bad ones. And feeling ill doesn't help. One thing I will suggest for nausea is Zofran. It is used for Chemo patients but it doesn't make you tired or anything. It is very expensive so insurance is a life saver. I think you have to ask the doctor for it as they won't suggest it. i took it while detoxong and i swear it saved my sanity. I was SO SO sick nausea/vomiting.

Maybe with the weekend coming up you can think of some R&R with a good movie you can escape into and take the focus away from how yur feeling. Most of all remember these bad days do pass. i know from reading the posts here there are MANY people that care about you and many that rely on your compassionate words of comfort. How good that should make you feel to know how yu touch the lives of people.

I hate cliches but here goes.."this too will pass" this is one I tell myself all the time when I have those bad days. And trust me I have more than my share of them. Hope you are feeling better soon both physically and mentally.

May you find peace

Shea

[Milo]

After finishing up a Fioricet script (which I didn't even request, but of course gladly accepted -- but that's another story) I made it through unpleasant but not too terrible withdrawals, but this past week depression has weighed heavily on me as so many of you have said. Last week I felt optimistic, like maybe there was hope for happiness after all. This week...OK, I'll (finally) get out of bed and go to my job, which I used to love but now hate...make it through the day...come home just to feel more depressed and hope I can scrounge up something to send me off into la-la land or at least take the edge off. Had a "bug" w/diarrhea & awful nausea, & the Dr. didn't want to prescribe anything for nausea due to "side effects." Makes me feel like I'm out there all alone, on my own, esp, since just the thought of throwing up completely freaks me out (phobic reaction). Any words of wisdom, support, or comfort? -- Little Milo